The Beer Garden

no @Former-Member, i have chosen not to get any help, i found the 3 psychologists were very unpleasent i saw, two of them said i was faking my mental illnes to get the dole. i see a random doctor one every 6 months so they don't ask too many questions, i am just too scared to get help.

yes it is very time consuming, it takes my about 9-10 months to build one, they are very intricate and take a lot of patience and perseverance.

i have been self punishing since i was about 11, it is horrible, but the thought process is so strong, i just loath myself so much.

my girlfriend has said that many times, her actions have no bearing on me or my love for her, she always said in all her attempts it was her decision, i am always worried sometimes it is because of me, because i am not good enough or loving enough to her.

this is my first relationship and my last, i don't want anyone else but her. she is such a wonderful pserons, so kind and caring.

i just have to wait until morning and hope she is safe.

i don't know, i have not thought clearly in such a long time, i keep replaying all the silly things i have done over and over. i am trying to be kind to myself now, talking to all of you is helping me cope.

you are so wise @Kurra

That's really hard @Jacques and not helpful at all. I was just thinking that maybe schema therapy might be helpful for you because it looks at where your behaviours started then ways to help change them but it's a slow gentle therapy. I remember when i first started one therapist cringed when I told her my story and another had too many of her own problems. Another one couldn't cope with my lack of eye contact and tried to make me look at her or leave. But I've found two really good ones. Sometimes it's worth trying for the right person. Personally I was about to give up when chance happened that I was given a good psychologist. The one I have now has been amazingly caring and gentle and kind. And I should add very very patient.

Wow that is a long time and a lot of work. I hope you can get back to building them one day.

i know it is not helpful, i am so ashamed for not seeking help, i live in a small rural town, their is only 2 psychologists and 1 psychiatrist, so i am limited to whom i can see. i have seen all three of them without sucess. i guess it is easier in the city because their is more choice.

that is terrible @Former-Member, yes, sometimes i wonder if they are in the right field of work, they seem to make more problems than they fix.

maybe one day i will build up the courage to reach out for help, i just can't at the moment.

yes a lot of work and time

I agree with @Former-Member re psychologist . That is really unprofessional of them to speak to you like this and you deserve better help & care then this @Jacques. They should be more helpful and professional in their dealings with clients.Do you have much option were you live- in terms of finding professional help?

Is your breathing any better now?

It's one of the few recent ones I've seen @Kurraand I don't remember how or when but it was with a friend. Full of colour from memory and visually lovely.

Well @Jacques, @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope it's time for me to go to sleep. Wishing you all the best @Jacques @Former-Member

hugs to all💜😊🤗

good night @Former-Member, thank you so much for you support and help, you are a wonderful person and have helped me a lot tonight, my breathing is improving. just need to break my night down and get through.

thank you my friend. hugs

Jacques