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A new start (kind of)

MDTSenior Contributor07 Feb 2019, 12:25 pm AEDT

A new start (kind of)

Hi @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @outlander @TAB @Sam3 @utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom @oceangirl @Sans911 @Snowie @Former-Member @soul @BryanaCamp @Former-Member @Bunniekins and whoever else is there in forumland

I have tagged some of you because we are speaking lots and some others haven't been around for long. If it's too much for you then that's okay I respect that. I won't take it personally.

I have decied to start up a new thread after my psychiatrist appointment today. Off to a new start.

Simply put, he made the point that I am pressuring myself to do stuff far more quickly than what I thought I could. When this approach fails, it feeds back into the loop that was there before (the "i am not good enough", "I have limited time", "I have wasted my life" etc).

He said it was good I didn't go to hospital and avoided ending up there. This doesn't help. What does help is changing the approach etc.

It was a good appointment. I see him again in the morning and then maybe someone else next week.

So it's not entirely hopeless or lost now.

He thought that pressuring myself to go and get this visa would be the wrong decision, given my state of panic yesterday and also this morning.

He said that I need to hold off on pressuring myself. By saying "okay now that I am in Australia for a bit longer, I need to go and find a job quickly" because this is simply unhelpful. It's the wrong attitude and will only feed back into those loops.

So am I feeling more settled? Yes. Do I know what is next? No. Does this bother me? No.

I see my psychologist tomorrow afternoon. I will get something from my psychiatrist in the morning about all of this I think, which he said he can send off as part of the extension on the visa (which lasts for 2 years anyway). It's just a case of extending the timeframe for when I can receive it.

This would effect my chances of working in defence, mi6 etc but these are already off the table for me given my history anyway. The same is the case for the military and police. It does seem like some things are cancelled out because of my MH, but maybe they are things I was never keen on anyways.

That's a side issue for now.

Going to the UK - still a goal. It's a case of how I get there and WHAT I do when I get there. We have established that rocking up with no job or place to live is too chaotic. Especially based on my experience and degree background and skills. But the UK is a goal. My Psychiatrist said "Poland is always there" so I think it might be worthwhile sending them an email asking if I could be either placed on next year's list OR alternatively get some of my money back given the circumstances. Again, not my concern for now.

My concern at the moment is explaining all this to dad. My Psych spoke to my mum today too so she is in the loop. I think he will understand, he wants what is best for me. It takes some adjustment and time. But this is life and how we live it.

THanks forumites. See you a bit later today

Edit: I heard today that one of my old tutees that i helped in 2017 is working and is at uni. Doing well and studying. I joked that we should meet up for coffee and then i can get a job at the same place lol. So today has had a silver lining. This was the student who nearly quit school. But I can only take as much credit for what they achieved. Most of it was them

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In response to: A new start (kind of)

MDTSenior Contributor07 Mar 2019, 7:02 pm AEDT

Re: A new start (kind of)

Hey @TAB @Zoe7 @BryanaCamp @Sam3 and others. Today was good. As I suspected it was basic work but interesting to see how it all runs. Lots of paper lol.
A bunch of characters are running it. This made it easier. Chatted away at the break and just did what was required. Not too intense on the mind which is what I wanted anyway. Not keen on that intensity yet.

So overall it went well. Back tomorrow for the same hours.

I heard back from one of those other applicantions and didn't get it. Must be a diversity quota thing. Silly really. Even though this role is sort of related to what I did it might help down the road. I'm starting to care less about bigger issues and trying to live up to them and just taking the small steps I need now. Maybe one day I'll get to that level but with the way the world is atm it seems like there is no other way. Thanks diversity quotas 😕

@BryanaCamp I'm sure you'll be able to focus on trying to enjoy yourself tonight. I know exactly what you mean about appearing one way and feeling another. Always feels wrong or bad. Sometimes I have to stop engaging with people when things aren't great. But other times I can do it. It just depends on the individual situation I think. 🤔 Overall though I know what you mean. Family can also be hit and miss too. Its hard. It is. Thinking of you my friend.

@Sam3 I speak about my lived experience and also with other people who speak about signs and feelings around mental health. It's prevention management and reducing misunderstanding. Sounds like your kid did a good job with the program.