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A new start (kind of)

A new start (kind of)

Hi @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @outlander @TAB @Sam3 @utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom @oceangirl @Sans911 @Snowie @Former-Member @soul @BryanaCamp @Former-Member @Bunniekins and whoever else is there in forumland

I have tagged some of you because we are speaking lots and some others haven't been around for long. If it's too much for you then that's okay I respect that. I won't take it personally.

I have decied to start up a new thread after my psychiatrist appointment today. Off to a new start.

Simply put, he made the point that I am pressuring myself to do stuff far more quickly than what I thought I could. When this approach fails, it feeds back into the loop that was there before (the "i am not good enough", "I have limited time", "I have wasted my life" etc).

He said it was good I didn't go to hospital and avoided ending up there. This doesn't help. What does help is changing the approach etc.

It was a good appointment. I see him again in the morning and then maybe someone else next week.

So it's not entirely hopeless or lost now.

He thought that pressuring myself to go and get this visa would be the wrong decision, given my state of panic yesterday and also this morning.

He said that I need to hold off on pressuring myself. By saying "okay now that I am in Australia for a bit longer, I need to go and find a job quickly" because this is simply unhelpful. It's the wrong attitude and will only feed back into those loops.

So am I feeling more settled? Yes. Do I know what is next? No. Does this bother me? No.

I see my psychologist tomorrow afternoon. I will get something from my psychiatrist in the morning about all of this I think, which he said he can send off as part of the extension on the visa (which lasts for 2 years anyway). It's just a case of extending the timeframe for when I can receive it.

This would effect my chances of working in defence, mi6 etc but these are already off the table for me given my history anyway. The same is the case for the military and police. It does seem like some things are cancelled out because of my MH, but maybe they are things I was never keen on anyways.

That's a side issue for now.

Going to the UK - still a goal. It's a case of how I get there and WHAT I do when I get there. We have established that rocking up with no job or place to live is too chaotic. Especially based on my experience and degree background and skills. But the UK is a goal. My Psychiatrist said "Poland is always there" so I think it might be worthwhile sending them an email asking if I could be either placed on next year's list OR alternatively get some of my money back given the circumstances. Again, not my concern for now.

My concern at the moment is explaining all this to dad. My Psych spoke to my mum today too so she is in the loop. I think he will understand, he wants what is best for me. It takes some adjustment and time. But this is life and how we live it.

THanks forumites. See you a bit later today

Edit: I heard today that one of my old tutees that i helped in 2017 is working and is at uni. Doing well and studying. I joked that we should meet up for coffee and then i can get a job at the same place lol. So today has had a silver lining. This was the student who nearly quit school. But I can only take as much credit for what they achieved. Most of it was them

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In response to: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Well no stress then hopefully @MDT just watcjing cricket here Heat got like 110 ok 115 off 7 overs @Zoe7

In response to: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Hi forumites @Zoe7 @TAB @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @outlander

I don't want to tag many because I feel like i keep bothering.

I went and got a coffee and a copy of The Weekend Australian paper. I felt like a failure when I got my coffee because they were asking me when I was going overseas. I know it's not from a bad place when they ask it, but it just gets at me. Does this make sense?

I feel a bit pathetic tbh but perhaps this is inevitable when dealing with all this.

I am thinking of going to a meetup tonight but I'm not sure if i can face people. Perhaps this is pride or shame? I am unsure.

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

sounds familiar @MDT except substitute jobs/work for trip.

starts off sounding like the thing that's going to fix everything

then as it gets closer feels completely unbearable

Now dreading seeing people from work, but it is what it is

Anyway. They care enough to ask.

You are out and about.

No point in trapping yourself with your thinking ie couple days ago thought of going away wa unbearable, now you are a failure somehow?

just have a smile to yourself maybe, and if you have to, just have a quick throw away answer about trip, say change of plans or something and walk away

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

True @TAB
The power of distributional speech (aka diverting attention away from one thing to another)

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

just act distracted and move away physically . hard to talk to someone whos walking away @MDT depends how far you want to go with it. Anyway. So. Problem solved re stressors. that's good. I've got to get moving here. trying to work out easiest cheapest simplest way to get food for 1-2 days, newspapers and some bath salts lol. am still hibernating. going to have to snap out of it soon, ie being a shut in and late night tv etc lol . its becoming very comfortable in my own little world tho lol

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Hey @TAB & @MDT & others passing through. Firstly @MDT can I just say I like your other positive thread with music & poems - it was great to revisit Nakho Bear & I have added him to my playlist. Strangely that thread isn’t being used by many recently! Your response to the overseas comment is completely understandable & I agree with @TAB . A throwaway line or “its something I’ve re-scheduled for later on”. It might help to re-read your thread after you made the decision to remind yourself of how sound it is. Has your dad spoken with you?

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Not really @Sam3 but i imagine we will soon

IF not then so be it. Mum told me he is okay with it. But in the end it isn't his decision so it's not like it matters overly much.

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Hey @MDT well done on getting out & about today (I generally avoid that if I'm not feeling so good due to anxiety).

How did your appts with psych and psych go yesterday? Hope it was really helpful

You've just made a huge decision to look after your well-being and are tackling something very difficult that not all people understand - MI- so don't ever think you're a failure, you're a great success and very brave. Some of my family don't get my MI and I don't really have a solution to that, it's hard, like a dead end that won't budge.

I'm going to a Meetup next weekend, but I could fully understand if you feel too vulnerable to go be extroverted with a bunch of new people with all those "so what do you do?" questions. Self-care is important.

I'm off to lunch with some friends today & my goal is to try not to be too emotional - that happens sometimes when I'm fond of friends!!

take care for now

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

thanks @BryanaCamp
You are right - it can lead to you feeling pretty crap
I'm tempted to give it a miss. My family are going out for dinner but I don't even feel like that either.
I'm safe atm and this is all that matters. I plan on going to the gym tomorrow morning with a friend so it's not as if i am going to become a total shut in. Not yet anyway

I hope you enjoyed your lunch out.

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Hi @BryanaCamp @MDT and other’s. Is “meetup” a term everyone below a certain age uses for “catch-up” or is it a colloquialism from a part of Australia you must both live in ?!? Yes hope you enjoyed your lunch @BryanaCamp Does it matter to others if you’re emotional or is it just that you mind? Family & others not understanding MI must be hard for you so it’s good that you can see it as their ‘lack’. I suppose maybe we might have been the same before our lived experience. Best to just appreciate the people who empathetically support us & afterall no one can really understand unless they could get inside our heads & in my case that certainly wouldn’t be fun! Not sure if it’s a good idea but I’m having a meetup (actually a walk too - does that still make it a meetup?!) initiated by a major over-achiever who has raised her children in ways I wish I could. “Driven” really is an understatement for this capable down-to-earth woman but she’s had no luck in love & her eldest high achiever had depression but is ok now he’s chosen a direction she initially can’t have liked. Meanwhile, I can’t even put 1 of gazillions of washing baskets away 🤷🏻‍♂️🤣 Serious question: other than writing a list which quickly overwhelms me & muting & restricting the activities of 5 others in the house (hahaha), how can I organise my life/house if I can’t organise my thoughts & behaviour?

@Shaz51 Did you say you slept alright last night?

Did you walk today @TAB

Hey @Appleblossom I think your name sounds feminine so you might be too unless you’re a nature lover?

@Zoe7 how’s Toby?

Ok now I’m putting away 1 basket before I post next!

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