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A new start (kind of)

A new start (kind of)

Hi @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @outlander @TAB @Sam3 @utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom @oceangirl @Sans911 @Snowie @Former-Member @soul @BryanaCamp @Former-Member @Bunniekins and whoever else is there in forumland

I have tagged some of you because we are speaking lots and some others haven't been around for long. If it's too much for you then that's okay I respect that. I won't take it personally.

I have decied to start up a new thread after my psychiatrist appointment today. Off to a new start.

Simply put, he made the point that I am pressuring myself to do stuff far more quickly than what I thought I could. When this approach fails, it feeds back into the loop that was there before (the "i am not good enough", "I have limited time", "I have wasted my life" etc).

He said it was good I didn't go to hospital and avoided ending up there. This doesn't help. What does help is changing the approach etc.

It was a good appointment. I see him again in the morning and then maybe someone else next week.

So it's not entirely hopeless or lost now.

He thought that pressuring myself to go and get this visa would be the wrong decision, given my state of panic yesterday and also this morning.

He said that I need to hold off on pressuring myself. By saying "okay now that I am in Australia for a bit longer, I need to go and find a job quickly" because this is simply unhelpful. It's the wrong attitude and will only feed back into those loops.

So am I feeling more settled? Yes. Do I know what is next? No. Does this bother me? No.

I see my psychologist tomorrow afternoon. I will get something from my psychiatrist in the morning about all of this I think, which he said he can send off as part of the extension on the visa (which lasts for 2 years anyway). It's just a case of extending the timeframe for when I can receive it.

This would effect my chances of working in defence, mi6 etc but these are already off the table for me given my history anyway. The same is the case for the military and police. It does seem like some things are cancelled out because of my MH, but maybe they are things I was never keen on anyways.

That's a side issue for now.

Going to the UK - still a goal. It's a case of how I get there and WHAT I do when I get there. We have established that rocking up with no job or place to live is too chaotic. Especially based on my experience and degree background and skills. But the UK is a goal. My Psychiatrist said "Poland is always there" so I think it might be worthwhile sending them an email asking if I could be either placed on next year's list OR alternatively get some of my money back given the circumstances. Again, not my concern for now.

My concern at the moment is explaining all this to dad. My Psych spoke to my mum today too so she is in the loop. I think he will understand, he wants what is best for me. It takes some adjustment and time. But this is life and how we live it.

THanks forumites. See you a bit later today

Edit: I heard today that one of my old tutees that i helped in 2017 is working and is at uni. Doing well and studying. I joked that we should meet up for coffee and then i can get a job at the same place lol. So today has had a silver lining. This was the student who nearly quit school. But I can only take as much credit for what they achieved. Most of it was them

7645 replies

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In response to: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

God I feel crap...
Anyway. Probably good timing as I see my psych

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

So my psych was a good appointment. We spoke a lot about how there are two things social psychology tells us. First is the "healthy normal" which is something we believe society does that is healthy or good and ought to be aimed for. The second was the "dysfunctional normal" which is the opposite: something society aims for which isn't so good and could be damaging.
Depending on which we associate with can influence our self perception and for me the intimacy aspect of what I am dealing with in my mind comes down to this. How I view what society thinks and believes and then measuring up to that.

Thing is I had this happen before I started not to care about others. That was because I viewed society views on this stuff as dysfunctional normal. Somehow that changed a bit and I ended up seeing it as healthy normal.

So it's a perspective shift basically. We recalled the dates that I'd been on how things have changed since high school where a lot of this was negatively influencing me.

As it stands now I don't care too much bout what others are saying or thinking. I gotta focus on my own area.

We didn't touch on career stuff but that's for next time. One thing or several things I took out of the session was patience, limiting use of social dating apps etc, not listening to stuff that might make me question myself and also reading a bit more into psychological literature.

Overall a good session that shifted my perspective again. So this arvo I played pc and now I'm going to read. Gotta take mum up to the auto shop.

I will look for new work once I'm done in my current electorate role. I won't be able to focus otherwise and I'll get overwhelmed with it all.

Hope your arvos are good

@outlander @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @TAB @Appleblossom @BryanaCamp @Faith-and-Hope @eudemonism

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

@BlueBay

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

It sounds like a good session and some really great things you touched on today @MDT Patience is something I know we have talked about quite a lot and paing yourself so you don't get too wound up in that what ifs or maybes but living within the moment and doing what you need to do to balance out your life. All that other stuff will come - especially the relationship and intimacy aspects of your life - again there is no rush and what you think society regards as 'healthy' is not your reality - and is not many people's experiences either. Some things can't be rushed and no matter how many dates or apps you have it is not an area that you should pressure yourself into. I know I have said it before but the right time (and person) will come along and that will make it so much more special for you - again buddy ...patience. Not everything in life has to be done on a timeline or by a certain age - age is just a number after all. We all know here what a wonderful young man you are and some very lucky girl will get to know you and see that in you also - and that will be one lucky girl

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Thanks @Zoe7
As always your words are encouraging 🙂

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

hi @MDT well done on your psych session, it's great to achieve a perspective shift and to leave with useful strategies. Your psychologist sounds really nice.

hi @Zoe7 hope your wednesday wasn't too hectic & DBT was helpful, hope you got or get a little bit of down-time.

hi @TAB how are you travelling, how's work?

hi @eudemonism hope you've been kind to yourself today.

My volunteering went well today, no upsets which is nice. I got another rejection email today for a job I applied for. Not great. I need to remain positive for the evening as I need to call my brother os tonight & be supportive.

btw @MDT I didn't have my first, comitted relationship until my thirties and when that happened it was fine & natural, I needn't have fretted years before worrying about being single.

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

IT is what it is @BryanaCamp in regards to the job reply. I guess I'm learning this lesson too atm.

Take it one step at a time with that. It's also good to hear you want to contact your brother by being in a good frame of mind. Good on you 🙂

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

DBT seemed to go pretty quickly today but I had an hour in between that and my pdoc ...so what does a Zoe do with that much time on her hands you may ask - well I go to Bunnings lol - bought a little cactus to replace one I sadly lost - methinks from overwatering

It is a bugger that you had another job knock back but good that there were no further incidents at your volunteering gig @BryanaCamp Goodluck with the call to your bro - hope he is doing okay.

@MDT easy to encourage and support you buddy - just wish we could fix everything to make life feel more okay for each other.

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Yeh true @Zoe7
But at least we have this forum 🙂

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Yeah had its ups and downs re work was 36 humid then thunderstorms didn’t achieve mu h just did what could. I got frustrated and snippy latee in day hope you’re okay @BryanaCamp
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