I have been here before

I am unsure if anyone will recognise my username but I am not too unfamiliar with these forums. Out of the blue - I kinda just disappeared for a while and I cannot explain why but I am back again because I am struggling and I can remember just how supportive this community was.

Things haven't been well... I've been in and out of hospital more times then I would want to count and have been very close to death. I have been struggling just recently with a breakup (common, yet hurtful) and then just lashed into over eating and harming myself in ways that I wont share but which haven't been good at all... I was underweight in December due to not eating and now I am back to a normal weight but feel hideous due to the copious amounts of junk I have been consuming.

I am just sick to the brim of myself and everything. Recently I impulsively got a tattoo when dissociated and my family are really against it. I am still hiding it and depressed about it. I dont want to bore everyone and write too much 😞