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New diagnosis

New diagnosis

Hi all

My husband has had a diagnsis of major dpression only weeks ago, i have been trying to get him to some kind of help for about a year. Luckily he finally agreed to go to counselling with me & the psychologist picked it up. Took me another month to get him into a GP's office, where hes now being treated for a sleeping disorder with anti depressants.

I feel we really need to get him to a proper psych assessment & I'm giving him a referral form for an assessment to take to his next weekly GP appointment. Even if is a second opinion & the psychiatrist totally agrees with everything. The counsellor & myself think that Bipolar II is still on the table & the GP has only seen him in depression, not up & hasn't even talked to me. hes crashed a car which i found outwas not insured 7 then went & bought another that we dont need while it was in the shop.

As things are getting clearer slowly I have looked back in a dairy where I was so confused I started keeping a diary of his behaviour before i asked him to leave for a weekend after I found out he'd gone out of the marraige for "someone who listens". I have found that back in May he did talk of being in a bad place & not knowing how he didn't go to our local bridge & just jump off.

Now hes been refusing to come back, which to be homest is not a bad thing in the short term as I don't have to deal with his anger, blame & on medication rapid mood swings. I almost think his up is worse than his down. At the moment he has a down for a few hours in the middle of the day & has to walk around the block to get thru what is about a couple of hours feeling like that.

We are still in counselling once a week & he is turning up. i had to get medicated myself once i asked him to leave & that will go to Xmas. I'm getting stronger & negotiating his behaviour to come home (I ned to hear him tell the other woman that he wont see or communicate with her out of the office as hes said its over more than once).I've gone from crying 4 times a week due to his behaviour & anger and having to take sleeping medication to getting upset on the weekends & turning to do something for me.

We date on the weekends but at the moment most weekends something "goes wrong" & he doesn't turn up for the whole or part of that time.

Is there any way to get him to a psych assessment without a GP referral? I have told him that i feel we are in a bad or unsafe place I will need to make the call to our nearest emergency department which has a psychiatric emerency centre too but i wont do that unless I really need to & if hes not with me with the phone off i might not know.

Everything is a daily rollercoaster, i feel as tho I'm hanging on by my fingernails & jsut as I decide I can't hold on any more we take a tiny step forward!

83 replies

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In response to: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Thanks all, GP still not signing referral until hes been on full dose for 8 weeks - we're at 4-5. I have offered to pull back our weekly counselling to fortnightly so he can go by himself on the other week which he has jumped at. Good step forward for this week. 🙂 Had a great day off & lunch with girlfriends this week which I really needed!

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Good on you Mrs C, it is so important to have flexible thinking when providing support to our loved ones. As a consumer myself, I know I need time for myself so I have offered the same for my son...everyone needs their right to privacy and to safely share without Carers jumping in and answering for them!

In response to: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Has your husband ever mentioned taking his life? Sometimes this is enough for professionals to jump in and take action. If he has, you could phone your nearest hospital that has a psychiatric wing and ask to be put through to the CAT.....Crisis Assessment Team. Even just talking to a member of the Cat team could be very productive re getting help and advice, and maybe priority in an immediate response.

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Only once way back in May before he was diagnosed in July. He said he'd thought of doing something & where but no plan.

I totally missed this amoungst all the stress at the time & I'd just brought him home after finding him with another woman so my head wasn't in the right place.

Much more aware now, if i ever heard that again.

He's staying on his current medication, still hasn't had psych assessment GP says its too early. He has gone to counselling by himself this week & has booked in by himself next week.

Still growling at me so i'm putting in place that I won't be treated with the shouting & rudeness as we've done that its not acceptable in counselling & he now knows hes ill.

🙂 more baby steps

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Up in the middle of the night in tears.

He's taken the time I offered for counselling & booked himself in for another solo session next week (which is good) but not booked a joint session for us, which was supposed to go to fortnightly.

I feel like i am ignored, invisible & disposable-how could i have got married to someone who is so cruel as to ignore the only person on the planet who puts them first? I was supposed to be asleep hours ago & be ready for work in less than 6 hours.

How do i separate what is disease & what is him, being totally selfish?

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

I know that this is not of any comfort to you, but please try to keep reminding yourself that it is the illness talking (abusing/behaving), not your husband. If he takes the correct medication and correct dosage of same, plus continues with counselling, your husband will eventually return. One of the worst scenarios of being the carer of a loved family member is to witness them completely disappear and to be replaced by a complete stranger. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are going through this.

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Thank you - I have actually heard from him today & he says he blames me for his illness but realises that is not a logical or even rationalposition to hold. he'll continue with the counselling weekly. I just wishthe GP would get his assessment done by an expert.

i suppose this explains why hes withdrwn himself if he blames me but really apart from getting up early I'm yet to learnwhat i have contributed & am obviously gutted.

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

I'm so sorry @Former-Member

I hope you're finding some hope in the fact he's still going to counselling.

Above all, I think the postive in this is that he recognises how illogical his blame is. I would assume he will also articulate this illogical thought to his counsellor and work through it. Please keep in mind, even if you're not there, it doesn't mean that he's not working towards a better relationship with you.

It's not easy to keep positive when you don't know what's going on, it must be hard.

Do you have plans on the weekend to keep yourself busy or to look after yourself?

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

I do now! In an awful way its given me some freedom because I know I can't do a thing about it! I used a previous post about medication & counselling to help me email him back... I finished it off with

"Know that you don’t have to be “fixed” to be with me my beautiful man. I love you more than you will ever know.

Here for you xox"

Now my evening meal needs to include veggies & I need a walk in the sun in the morning.

thank you all

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Walking in nature is good for the soul. ❤️

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