Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

thinkingof you tomorrow @Gusday

let us know how you go xxx

Hugs @Gusday

Hi @Gusday

Definitely hearing you.

My estranged husband was behaving similarly, but has no diagnosis of depression or anything else. He is basking a chronic disordered eating condition, but there is something driving that from behind. In any case, things have come to a head for us, and he has moved out.

One of the thingsI did a few years ago was begin to disengage emotionally, and start prioritising my own needs,so I am in full support of you doing that. You can reach out to a psychologist, as a carer for whom the burden of care is proving too much.

It is important to recognise when someone is being emotionally abusive, even if they don’t mean to be because they have no insight into their own behaviour and how that is affecting others around them.

Self-care for me involves regular massages, and caring for hair and nail problems that were on the back burner for many years as I raised our family as if I were a sole parent (he was extremely work absent).

I also think you will be entitled to more financial support than you realise, especially as you come into the marriage with your own home, and have contributed substantially to the finances of the home. It would be a good idea to seek legal advice about that, to feel more secure about your choices, which you don’t have to act on right now.

i would encourage you to take slow, careful, sensible steps towards understanding your position from a legal perspective. It can be very empowering.

Hi wonderful supportive community. Today is a better day. @Shaz51 I had a wonderful session with the hypnotherapist that actually used to have a psychology background but felt this helped more people. He even told me about a men’s walking group called the man walk that meets every week and just walks and gets coffee afterwards which has people with mental health issues and a few professionals. I told Mr Gusday about it this morning and he said he knows about it and when and where it meets but at least he didn’t snap my head off. He’s off to the blood bank soon. He likes to donate plasma every few weeks. I’m glad he does something that makes him feel really useful.

@Faith-and-Hope I remember most of the legal stuff and mess from my first marriage brakeup just over 20 years ago. Financially I coped well as I didn’t have a drinking, smoking, gambling husband draining funds all the time and could focus on the kids and I and paying off our house. My 2nd husband has always been amazing with money as he’s a numbers person like me. We live a simple life now the kids are all grown and partnered/married and moved out. He was great helping raise the kids & has no biological children (their biological father was mostly absent) I feel I owe him so much for all the time he put in and we were doing fine (always been affection issues as I’m a hugger, say I love you & give praise when due person and he wasn’t brought up that way. Like I would never expect him to tell me I did something well or look nice etc he has done that only a few times in our 18 yrs together/15 yrs married but he would show love by doing things for me around the house, having tea cooked or buying my favourite food etc) I read the book the 5 love languages and it explained a lot. He lost his father 18 mths after we married and that was the first person really close to him that had died, he didn’t know how to grieve and his personality changed from then, eg he didn’t laugh much but was still enjoying life. His mother died 5 years later which wasn’t long after we’d moved hours away from my family and friends to look after her. So we had the option of moving back near my family but I love living in our new area. I think you are right @Faith-and-Hope I need to work on being happy in myself and actually living in the same house is mostly ok as he still helps with the house etc and financially it’s better off at this age and really I wouldn’t want to meet anyone else at this age. Financially it’s better and we can help each other if we need medical attention for eg as we age. If I pull back and don’t expect him to be a husband in that sense but a partner/room mate type relationship then I won’t be disappointed and there won’t be frustration at trying to push him to recover. It also won’t cause me to get into the low emotional states I’ve been getting myself into as I won’t expect it to work as a traditional relationship should. Depression sucks the life out of everyone and robs us of the things we should hold on to but can’t for our own sanity now.

hello and hugs @Gusday

that is a good start , now that mr Gusday knows about the outing -- it is up to him now

I think the biggest thing i am learning is to lower my expectations in our relationship

each relationship is different as long as it does not abuse

resting here this afternoon

we did food shopping for mum and us

tired now , and mr shaz helped but I knew that he has had enough -- i was right , mr shaz is alrady asleep

Reminded how much physical pain can affect our partners.

Mr Darcy has had some acute pain and his mood has gone down.

Additionally, have noticed that a monitored side effect parameter has again been reached.

Mr Darcy due to see his case worker next week, if necessary, pdoc appt/ medication review will be brought forward.

Thinking of you @Sophie1 , @Shaz51 @Former-Member and your partners medical concerns

Hi Darcy. @Former-Member So sorry to hear Mr Darcy's been experiencing increased pain of late. There is no doubt in my mind that increased pain levels inevitably coincide with worsening mental health. I know this, mainly from personal experience, but also from observing the ups and downs of hubbys health. There is a very strong correlation between pain and MH issues. Especially depression side of things, but also anxiety.

Glad Mr Darcy is due to see his case worker next week. Hopefully they will assist with some additional support. How about you Darcy .. are you coping okay with everything?

Hi also @Shaz51 @Gusday @Faith-and-Hope @Determined and any other reader.

Sherry 💕

sorry to hear Mr Darcy's been experiencing increased pain of late.too @Former-Member

are you ok @Former-Member

hello @Former-Member

Thanks @Former-Member @Shaz51

Am a bit tired, catching up on sleep. Mr D in pain with lots of crying and next to no sleep Monday night. Last night was a little interrupted too with Mr D all upset when going for an early hours pit stop. He had a high pain rating and it not helped emotionally as it relates to ongoing medical issues post attempt. He has improved a lot but he was not keen to arrange a physio or GP appt - will need to follow up, need stronger medical guidance and think time has come for me to be more assertive.

Maintaining my sense of humour 😀.

Hello all!
Apologies it has been a while!
We have moved house and I have changed jobs so it's all been happening!
This year has honestly been pretty stable (furiously looking for a wooden object to touch)! Bipolar bear and I are now both no contact with his family which has been our biggest change but honestly it's been fantastic. BB has just started with a new psychologist and he is engaging well, commencing wounded child type therapy so we will see how it goes!

we are approaching December which means BB's birthday and it can be a volatile time for him but I'm hoping t hi s year we may have it under control!
how is everyone else travelling?

Tigz

xx

mr f&h and I have parted company @Tiggeroo .... was always gonna happen without a diagnosis and treatment around it .... so i

he is truckin’ off in a new direction, and with a new love interest .....

So good to see you and hear your news ❣️