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Unknown userMember
Living and loving someone with MI presents relationship challenges and often others cannot see why we chose to stay with our partners.
Being mindful of not intruding on others stories I thought having a thread where we can share tips and encourage one another would be of value.
In response to: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
My FIL was like your hubby @Former-Member . My mr. has tried so hard to not be like his father, but unfortunately, although the addictions are of a different nature, addictions have taken hold .....
Yes, it can be so hard to determine what to do with shifting lines in the sand, where it can be dangerous to stay, but dangerous also to go ..... or turn that around to traumatic to either stay or go ..... the decisions are not “clean”, and very different in reality to what may have been imagined previously.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
@Differentlife Often others calling out bad behaviour can make a difference. It is lovely that marriage counselling is helping you. In the absence of substance abuse/DV/anger issues, I think that sometimes we are a lot more fearful of putting boundaries into place than is necessary. I think that sometimes we undervalue our own worth and our need to rejuvenate so that we can live well in spite of our partners diagnosis. Can I gently encourage you that this is possible to do this, grief needs to be acknowledged and changes made, but a good relationship is possible. Mr Darcy & I now get on heaps better than a lot of our friends who do not live with MI and a lot better than how we were going in the lead up to his crisis. Now if necessary I gently remind Mr Darcy that as his beloved I need to be treated with TLC, this is usually done with a smile and good humour.
Since his attempt my husband has rarely gone to anything on his own @sharnie, we have just moved interstate and are checking out a service group with a view to doing some volunteer work and I have suggested to Mr Darcy that he volunteer without me this weekend as the job is being on thegate at a sporting grand final with some other blokes. I am hopeful that there might be some friendship potential for him. When he was acute and after he came home from a long hosptial stay I was scared to leave him but after it was clear that he was stable and was no longer suicidal I was pleased to go out on my own.
Some of us have found that our partners are not ready for counselling as they have been in denial/have grandiose thoughts etc and are not able to or ready to accept the truth, take responsibility for their actions and accept the help they need to get their mental health and their relationship on track. Counselling for Mr Darcy & I did not work out (he was hypomanic at the time) but I did have a friend who would call him out on his inconsiderate behaviours which was helpful. I think too that I had to be ready to face the truth myself and look at how I was not coping and I found a wonderful counselor that helped me with the tough stuff and this was also necessary in getting things back on track for us.
In response to: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
Thinking especially of the long haul crew
@Former-Member sending gentle thoughts your way.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Shaz51Senior Contributor
hugs @Former-Member
hello @Faith-and-Hope , @Determined , @Differentlife
how are you going @Former-Member xxxx
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
On the road @Shaz51 going to visit Mum for the weekend.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Shaz51Senior Contributor
have a good weekend my @Former-Member 
In response to: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
Finding writing a list helps ....
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
Been thinking of you @Tiggeroo and wondering how you are going?
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Hello @Former-Member , @Faith-and-Hope , @Former-Member , @Determined , @Differentlife xx
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
Hi @Shaz51
How are things in the Shazzle Dazzle household today?
Thinking of you @Former-Member whilst you are visiting family.
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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