Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

tender hugs @Newbie , @Former-Member , @Former-Member , @Faith-and-Hope , @Determined

we need all the support we can get here xoxo

@Newbie wrote:

“I worked hard at helping him not only for him but so my three children have their dad back because at one stage it felt lile my husband had died and some other person took his place”

I so relate to this @Newbie . I have tried to explain to counsellor’s that it was like a new sibling had arrived in their family in place of my husband ..... someone who looked a lot like him but was so fundamentally different and trying to live out his family’s ideals and values that we as a couple had previously put aside as not aligned with ours ..... and bam ! I was suddenly living with this aggressive, hostile, emotionally abusive stranger. Most of that behaviour has settled down in daily life, but rears it’s head again if he is challenged, upset, or his tracks are interferes with in any way.

At the moment he has a knee that is not healing, so he is spending two hours a day on the exercise bike to “rest it” from jogging or power-walking .... because it’s too injured for either of those activities ....,

Sigh ...... I know with diagnosis I am not going to get the man he was back again, but I am hoping it will be a version of him I can identify with.

Hi @Newbie

I cannot find a link to the article I read which gave me hope in being able to sustain a happy marriage. The key features though were a willingness for patient to engage in treatment and let partner be involved in it. The well person needs to treat the other person as an equal partner. Understanding the nature of the illness a key feature and being forgiving.

Negatives included substance abuse, infidelity and other reckless behaviours such as unrestrained spending.

There is no doubt things are different, but they are not all bad. No one is exempt from problems. Adapting to life with a chronic condition can have its teething problems. This includes us learning how to respond appropriately to our partners and also how to manage our own health and self care.

@Former-Member

Deliberately unkind family members = 😬😬😬.

Some family members are just plain ignorant and do respond to education, but the ones who don't = yikes.

I am thankful that we don't live too close to some of our relations.

I am thankful that we don't live too close to some of our relations.-- me too @Former-Member , @Former-Member

How did you manage @Former-Member

Hi @Former-Member . My sisters visit was every bit as difficult as I expected, plus some. But I had a nice surprise 2 days after she left. My brother arrived here on Saturday and will be leaving tomorrow. He had an unexpected need to drive to Brisbane and called here to stay on his return South. This visit has been a most welcome one.

Sherry

How lovely your brother could visit @Former-Member.

Hello long haulers

I was reading an article about BP relationships and one of the tips it gave was:

• not being the partner's only support

This was one thing that I struggled with for a while as he does not have any close friends. He joined a GROW group which has has in many ways been positive and when he tells me things, sometimes I empathise, but at other times I ask him if he would feel comfortable talking to his therapist about it as they are trained to help with these matters.

I know that friendships are difficult for some of our loved ones and Mr Darcy does not have a good mate or two that he could do things with; I keep holding onto hope that in due course he will.

Mr shaz does not have a good mate or two that he could do things with;either @Former-Member