Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Thankyou @Faith-and-Hope
I am safe for now but I am disabled and walk with a walking stick or walker and it's so cold and wet. Especially at night. I am alone my son is grown up he is not his father. The safest option for me is to stay as well......In hope but not in denial.
Financially we own our home. I wait for the discard. He doesn't want that he wants a dish bitch at his beck and call me ....and the sl*ts as his private property secret kinky sex life. He has admitted he is a sex addict.
That's not going to work. It is what it is ABUSE. With a new name Sex Addiction
I have put it all back on him to seek help.....he has gone for now but who knows.

if he comes home aggressive I will get in the car and leave.
I have the Cat team triage and lifeline on my phone. But there is no real help because he is not suicidal. There is NO HELP. He skates through on the brink of madness everytime. They will only give him some calmatives because he has gone through mine and he comes home.
Yes I have a counsellor and see him on Wed.

thankyou Thankyou very much.

❤️ @Carlachris ...... I hope you have made a bit of a life for yourself to the side of all the abusive behaviours - maybe a friend or two you can go to for a coffee getaway ?

👋 @Serezza ...., this thread might provide you some more support too.

@Carlachris My heart breaks for you, it truly does. If your husband comes home abusive and aggressive call the police. Abuse is abuse, the fact that he has a MI has nothing to do with it at this stage. He is clearly being a self-centred a**hole and making no attempt whatsoever to be a husband, using his MI as an excuse to justify his abhorrent behaviour is just the act of a coward.

You need to protect yourself and keep yourself safe at all costs. Put yourself and your safety first! Is it possible you can stay with your son for a bit? If things become desperate there are women's shelters the police will be able to put you in contact with.

Maybe discuss your options with your therapist, they should be able to give you some advice re support services etc.

I'm sorry I wish I could tell you more. I can tell you what I'd do in that situation but that isn't helpful to you. The most important thing is that you protect yourself and keep yourself safe, both physically and mentally.

Sending you so many hugs xx

BB 🐰💙

@Faith-and-Hope yes. I do. He has destroyed all but 2 of my friendships which are long standing. I am lucky to have their love abd support. My son and his fiancé and 3 grandchildren. Restricted by Covid for now in Victoria. Once lifted I will visit my dearests. I will start again for the kids. Never in my dreams did I think I would be in this situation never ever but maybe that's what the long haul means. Stay as long as you don't break.

He will have no one his choice again. I can't be that person anymore.
thankyou.
I hope you and yours are travelling better than mine.

Thankyou @bipolarbunny

Im safe for now. I am able to stay at a friends but lockdown I can't get there as we live in the country and she is 40 mins away. Once this 5th crisis is lifted I will do that and come home to feed the animals. 2 cats and a dog.
MI can be the most selfish soul destroying all round thing on all levels no one understands unless they have experience. I'm thankful for this forum.
I gather strength from those who have walked the walk.
thankyou BB.🐰

Not out of the mess yet @Carlachris .... even though he discarded me his vindictiveness knows no bounds and he has created a firestorm ..... but within the storm I am calmer than I have ever been. The betrayal in my marriage was massive too - not a sex addiction but an affair (by someone who spoken against his father's infidelity his whole adult life ..... such a hypocrite !!) and financial abuse that has seen us in a court battle for nearly two years, and not done yet ..... financial betrayal. And using the kids as pawns, of course ..... the NPD trademark !

I have gone back to uni studies, and I have a grandbaby, and the ex is overseas for now. I am taking things day by day, but smelling the roses in the moment.

@Carlachris

back in February I thought I was taking the last step off the roller coaster, but I'm still here

everytime I think he's broken me completely I end up coming back for more.

things are not too bad my end right now, they got a bit wild for a week or so but I stood my ground, I'm ignoring the name calling and he hasn't become violent.

Our problems are different to yours. I now go with him to the psychologist every second session and he has admitted that his libido is perhaps a "little bit higher" than most. Big breakthrough. We have agreed that I have the option to say no without tantrums - at any point, not just if I give him a couple of days warning that I may not want to for a very good reason. He has some favourite web performers and he sorts himself out in another room before coming to bed now that he knows I will not be bullied into it every night of the week.

His social anxiety and all round wierdness would never allow him to just go out and get it elsewhere. I can live with this arrangment, because now when we do it's ejoyable for me too. We don't seem to have the same problems with reaching an acceptable conclusion when I'm genuinely into it as well.

He has never just walked out - for the same reason. Also, I think if he did he knows I'd change the locks - it's my house. He would never dare walk out on me because then I'd hold the cards. I pay all the bills with the money I earn at my full time job while he hangs around at my place making model aeroplanes. I would be a lot more secure without the expenses he brings with him so if he ever left it would be financially beneficial to me.

He always takes his pills. I email is doctors regularly with updates and early this year when it all went to hell in the handbasket I worked with the psychiatrist in changing his meds. All the counselling and all the pills in the world don't stop him boiling over about trivial stupid childish things (like the cordless drill being flat yesterday when he needed it). The me of 6 months ago would have rushed out an bought another one (with a cord) for him immediately. Yesterday I just closed the door on him until he calmed down; by which time the drill was charged.

I have always been really, really inspired by you and your down to earth attitude with regard to your boundaries... being firm with your husband but still loving him despite his frailties. Everytime I have felt that I had nothing left, nothing more to give, no way to withstand the continued attacks; you have lifted me up and given me the incentive to try again.

Thank you.

@SJT63 it's so hard when we come so close to the brink. I think that's what most people DONT UNDERSTAND. We walk out they have nothing and we loose everything. I'm still not prepared to abandon him to the broken system especially during a pandemic. So like you I return for more.

Hopefully we have reach some point of crisis acknowledgement from those professionals trained to support us. We have an appointment tomorrow which is a small miracle as his GP usually takes 2-3 wks to get to see. I have actually booked 3 in advance. Standing our ground with clear cut boundaries and not engaging with the rage another word for his paranoia in our case has been my only safety till now and has worn thin. This latest crisis is about his mother dying. I knew it was coming. I know what to do. But I need help. I am not his shrink....he doesn't have one. But as of Tomorrow that all changes. Crossy fingers.
Your Mr admitting he has a small problem controlling his sex drive is a start......it made me laugh to think he said a "little bit higher"....oh the denial runs deep with MI. Be careful honey hold tight to the bank account. I was clueless and $7000 has gone missing and I have traced it to online $359.99 payments some porn site and $280 payments to brothels over 6months......I still can't fathom it. They hide the payments in other names. Ashliegh Maddison payments are concealed in the letters AMDA, brothels use Trades service invoices and payments to wish charities. WOW what a learning curve. This one has taken my breath away.
Mine has taken his pills for 3 days now and if he ever stops I'm out, I'm done.
that's was me to a T......tantrums over lost glasses,wallet,watch,phone, broken things having to be replaced immediately due to his blatant disrespect or ability to look after anything. I stopped being that slave a yr ago. Basically his shit he breaks stuff he deals with it. Something to do with being raised in a wealthy family. No respect for anything because there will always be more. I grew up watching every cent and op shopping. We didn't have much but we were fine.

Thankyou for your kindness. I'm a simple person. I like the small things in life. I see things as straightforward to me it's easier. I can't be anything other than true to myself. I can't pretend to be someone else. I'm just little old me. I'm so glad that resonates with you. Your words have also encouraged me and made me feel less out on a limb. We at times walk the same path dear friend.
Doesn't mean we allow ourselves to continually be abused. I'm learning that and I have asked for help. Here's hoping but my husband has to do "THE WORK" to get back within healthy boundaries and we can live again. That's the dream for us.
We can't give up......because we love them. True dinx .

🌷🤞🌷