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Reconnection

Unknown userMember21 Jan 2019, 9:08 pm AEDT

Reconnection

Hi all,

Been away from forums for a while and been on a bit of a roller coaster but for the moment I think I'm on a level track

As some may already know from previous discussion I don't have a good relationship with my mother due to her abandoning and neglecting me and my siblings most our lives.

I have tried to make a healthy relationship with my mother in the past but was shut down due to her drug usage .

While we still remained in contact we have been very distant from each other.

The end of last year my mother got sober and as of Friday last week she has officially been 15 weeks sober.

So I decided to meet up with and take her out for lunch to show her how proud I was of her efforts. Well I ended up staying at her house that night and even took my son over so they could have some time together as it's been almost two years since I have let her see him as she had left her drugs in the lounge room and my son managed to find it I was just so glad he didnt put any in his mouth.

Anyway we ended up staying up talking into the early hours of the morning which we have never done before. I also managed to open up to her about my friend who Si when I was 9 which I have never told anyone in my family about before and while that is only one of many traumas it is the only one that carries guilt.

I have never opened up to my mother like that before about anything.

And while it's a connection I have sought my whole life to have with her I am still struggling with the way she never cared when I was a kid and I'm finding myself struggle with different emotions of wanting to keep the connection going but also not wanting to be hurt by her again like she has done so many times before

2 replies

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In response to: Reconnection

Unknown userMember22 Jan 2019, 10:04 am AEDT

Re: Reconnection

Dear @Former-Member. Its been a while since we've spoken. Good to see you again.

A very brave thing for you to have done ... well done to you.

I am so pleased that you have had this chance to see your Mum for what she might have been to you all those years ago, had it not been for her drug addiction and other likely issues. Everyone deserves a second chance, which you have given her. Or more likely, a third .. fourth ... or more during your lifetime. Drug addiction is a terrible thing, it makes people into something that normally they are not. It changes people, and always for the worse. Your Mum must be very strong to have been able to overcome her addiction. 15 weeks sober is a monumental achievement. Clearly she is trying her very best, and likely as not, one of her biggest incentives is to enable her to reconnect to her children and grandchildren.

I know its a massive step for you to trust her with your sons safety by allowing contact with her. I think you were right to do what you did. To have the opportunity to connect in some way with your mother, and also for your son to connect with his grandmother is a very worthwhile gift to have.

I expect you will always have feelings of resentment for the pain her supposed lack of care caused throughout your childhood. But if you remind yourself that there were reasons for this, quite beyond her control at the time, and not due to a lack of love on her part. I know you have suffered considerably over the years, but I have no doubt that your mother has too. I think its wonderful that you can have this connection now. I would urge you to try to keep it low key for now, maintain contact, but try not to put too much pressure on either of you. She will be fragile, likely for the rest of her life, even if she continues to stay on the wagon.

It is very encouraging however, that you have been able to be quite open with your Mum about some of your early traumas. Good for you to be able to talk about it, and probably good for your Mum too .. because she can now be a mother and offer comfort and advice about things which caused a lot of pain and trauma to you at the time.

Just take each day as it comes.

Sherry 💕

In response to: Reconnection

JupiterSenior Contributor23 Jan 2019, 3:21 pm AEDT

Re: Reconnection

Good to see you back here @Former-Member. Glad you feel you are a bit more back on track.

I can hear the mixed feelings you have after reconnecting with your mum. I imagine it would be confusing to have connected so well and to have had deep conversations that you missed when you were younger but also to feel conflicted about this relationship as you have been let down in the past.

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