Daily moodswings - how is it for you?

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@Flower wrote:
Good morning everyone,

I'm newly diagnosed with bipolar and currently not on mood stabilisers. I'm trying to understand what are emotions all people feel and what is extreme.

No matter how brief the times are, in a normal day for me I experience everything from being hopeful, accepting, feeling loved to desperate, exhausted, in fear of my life, suicidal, helpless and hopeless, I feel angI can get so deeply sad...I feel disconnected and lonely but I also have times at work where I just function the way I used to and need to. Work seems to do me good as I have little time ruminating and constant demands from people - about subjects that do not scare me, situations where I can just rely on my analytical mind.

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Hello Flower 🌷

I think it is wonderful how you are so open about the way you have been feeling trying to make sense of it all. It can be overwhelming and difficult to control/deal with when like that.

I can relate in part to your extravagant changes in moods. It sounds like what I have experienced as a result of unresolved trauma coming to the surface of the mind and the consequential conflicting emotions present themselves (past sometimes overlapping present and also catastrophising/worrying about the future). Especially if my thoughts or some event/situation acts as a trigger. If my thoughts are the trigger - my emotions can be up and down like a yo-yo.

I found when my mind is distracted I cope better and can function more normally and smoothly like you described. That usually indicates for me that there is something either happening in my life now that I am worrying about/not coping with and/or something that happened in the past I haven't exactly dealt effectively with and haven't "let go of". I.e. Memories of past/present abuse can invoke anger in me that can overwhelm if pondered on and fearing certain events/things that I fear I have no control over can cause chronic anxiety.

When you feel angry, sad etc are you aware of your thoughts? It may be worth your while to jot them down at these times if you can. Are they of past/present hurts/traumas or fearing something? If that is the case talking about it to either a professional, loved one or on here helps to deal with it and release some of the negative emotions attached - that has been my experience. It can be complex.

If you can relate to what I have said here at all trauma and CBT therapy(releasing pain/fear and learning coping strategies and/or training the thoughts to more positive ones) would help a lot. And communicating your pain calmly to a trusted other rather than holding it in where it will boil over into mood swings.

When I have experienced a chemical imbalance in the past I found that although keeping busy/distracted aided in eventual healing, it did not really change the low, irritable etc mood at that time. When I feel threatened or triggered by being past hurts/fears flooding back to my subconscious (not always being aware of my thoughts at the time - pain was too great to acknowledge them, it took time); then my moods can be like four seasons in one day they take over. Also when I suffered hormonal/thyroid imbalances (that I was also not aware of at the time) this for a time until treated also caused terrible shifts in mood. Drug reactions/side effects have caused same. Hope this helps a little.

Your welcome Flower. I also come from a background of horrific childhood abuse and subsequent abuse/hurts/betrayals since. It takes time to deal with the scars my friend but it does get better - in our own time, as long as we take small steps forward each time. Time heals.

It will come back to haunt if not expressed fully and dealt with - then we start letting go of it for good. Never looking back but always forward. It takes time - as long as we move a little forward each time - as when we take a step backwards we get back on the bike and don't give up. We deserve happiness and good things do happen - I needed to keep that vision clear in my mind to free it.

I found that it was important for me to be aware of what triggers my moods to be able to deal/control/cope with them effectively. You are going in the right different. And to receive compassionate wise support, guidance and understanding at these times was of paramount importance to me. I like you have always found keeping the mind and body active helpful - especially focusing on the good/positive things/thoughts. It eased the pain and helped me to let go. Having goals, a purpose, has also aided in my much improved mental health (I still have my moments though - which can be very painful but bearable now). Hold onto hope.

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@Flower wrote:

I am finding it difficult at the time to set myself goals and to see my purpose. I had so many dreams and goals and once was so focused and able to achieve whatever I wanted, sometimes at a high cost. I am trying to find the balance now. What is too little, what is too much, what will trigger an episode, how will my life look like in the future....

Those are the times when I need to learn to stay in the here and now and be grateful for what I have. Sometimes I am able to do that.

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@Former-Member - you really have nailed it there. That is what our everyday needs to be, in order to cope, in order to learn more, and in order to come to an arrangement with our strengths and weaknesses along the way...

It can be very difficult, especially early on when we are coming to grips with our mental health, to even consider a purpose to our life. So often, we've been stuck in survival mode, with our head just above the water, sometimes for years at a time...

And here we are, still trying to understand what the heck is going on...

Every day, I am monitoring my moods, listening to my thoughts...

Especially when I am hypomanic. 7 out of 10 and higher. That's when I've got to be extra careful, because I can easily get caught up in my enthusiasm, my grandiosity, my wild energy...

Then it's time to slam on the brakes, or find useful constructive ways to channel all that energy...

When I'm depressed, for me it is all about going into "tractor mode". Put it in first gear and just putt putt along as you are able. I challenge the negative self talk then. I try to lift that inner deadness where nothing excites or interests me. I try to stay in the moment and observe "what is"...

It's a lot of effort, @Former-Member, that's for sure.

But I reckon it's getting easier as I go along. Either that, or perhaps I'm getting a bit better at it, learning as I go...

I wish you all the best in your journey, @Former-Member. Sending hugs to you, and hugs to all who travel these paths... 🙂