The lies, secrets and cheating from my bpd partner are destroying me.

Hey there @Janey1 firstly thank you so much for reaching out and posting and please know you are heard, and this space is always here for you to seek some like minded peer support.

Regardless of your husband's diagnosis, a lot of the behaviour you're describing is very emotionally manipulative. You're a compassionate person and you love him, but you're right you definitely deserve a voice too, and to feel safe and heard within your relationship. Alongside your sister this is a rollercoaster of things to deal with on your own. Do you have professional support like a face to face counsellor? Also I would recommend you chat to one of the counsellors in our help centre on 1800 187 263. Our help centre counsellors can provide you with further resources as well

Would you be up for giving that a go?

I have been seeing a psychologist but find it does not help a great deal..it allows me to get my feelings out but I still don’t have any idea how to move forward and feel stuck in this horrible place..I would be open to speak to someone but feel too emotional to talk right now, that’s why this forum is a good platform..the only thing is sometimes you don’t get any responses from people who can relate.

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@Janey1 wrote:

I have been seeing a psychologist but find it does not help a great deal..it allows me to get my feelings out but I still don’t have any idea how to move forward and feel stuck in this horrible place..I would be open to speak to someone but feel too emotional to talk right now, that’s why this forum is a good platform..the only thing is sometimes you don’t get any responses from people who can relate.

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Hi janey1, well i just signed up moments ago asking for advice and your post was the first post that i have read and im sorry to hear your story .. i can maybe share my story a little hope it helps .. my girlfriend has only been with me for one year and she has only in recent months been diagnosed with both bpd and CPTSD, its been the push pull thing with us and she has slept with multiple if not more other men that she has admitted to me openly while with me in the last year this has been hard for me as i dont and havent agreed to this behaviour with her, we seperated for a few weeks for the third time and this time i wasnt coming back. She found me and we started again but i have set some boundaries this time and let her know i will not tolerate them being crossed, i am still here because i care for her a lot and have backed off some what .. she is trying and its going okay but ... im wary .. my advice to you is to let him walk if he keeps saying he will when all you want to do is discuss the issues .. if you can do this then if he comes back to you and chances are he will, then you plant the seed again and tell him your boundaries and no more cheating or you will walk .. confront him about his phone and tell him how this all makes you feel ... i hope you find the courage to maybe taking this approach, its the only way and is so far working for me 😊

Sending love to you both @Bwishes and @Janey1 How are you doing now @Janey1?

@Ali11 @Bwishes Thank you for your messages. It helped a lot to know someone else can relate. I am trying to find the courage to voice my concerns with my partner but Im worried that I am never going to get the answers I need. He has always denied everything and makes me feel like things are in my head which drives me crazy because I am not stupid. I am at a place where I feel the only way I can potentially continue the relationship is if he fesses up and tells me the truth and maybe we can work through things. I am not yet ready to have this conversation, probably because I am not ready for it to be over but I know I deserve to be treated with respect and honesty. Hoping one day soon I will feel brave enough to speak out.

We think that you are already courageous for coming on here and sharing your experience @Janey1. Have you had a chance to read through @Former-Member's post and give the number a call? With so much going on, it would be worthwhile getting in touch with someone to talk about how you are feeling and getting some help.

Yes I have read through but just dont feel I want to do that right now. I have been seeing a psychologist on and off when I feel really low but I feel ok at the moment. Its nice to know there is support there and I will utilise if I need to. Thank you for your kind words and wishes.

We're glad to hear that you are seeing someone when you need to @Janey1, it's also good to have those tools in your pocket in case you need them. How has your week been?