Hi kmla and welcome to the Sane Forums.
Dear me you are really contending with such a lot, little wonder you are likely suffering burnout.
I am 11 years junior to my husband, whom I have been married to for 21 years. Only knew him for a bit over 12 months before that though.
I am full time carer for my husband now too since he was diagnosed with Stage IV (inoperable) Melanoma which spread to his lungs. Thankfully he has had immunotherapy treatment for it this past year and for the time being, he is in remission. There is no cure however, and its so hard knowing that the cancer can become active again at any time. Its like a ticking time bomb. Added to that is that he has also recently been diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease. Seems there is a strong link between people who have Melanoma have a 7x greater chance of also developing Parkinsons. And vice versa is also the case. So after several long stints in hospital these past 12 months with life threatening side effects from the immunotherapy for his cancer, we are now trying to adjust to Parkinsons medication and the worsening effects of the disease. There are times he gets so angry and fed up with having been so sick for such a long time, that it really wears both of us down. He sees a psychiatrist however, and a recent change in medications seems to be having a beneficial affect on his severe depression. Parkinsons commonly comes with severe depression, although my husband already suffered from it, partly from the PTSD he also has had since his time in the military and Vietnam war. Until recently he was talking about not wanting to live, that it just wasnt worth it. And comments such as 'why didnt you just let me die' really hurt those who are caring for them. We do all we can, and there are definitely times we are left to feel its not appreciated.
So being a carer is incredibly hard. Added to that you are trying to maintain a business and continue to work full time. I so admire you for what you are doing. I had to give up work a little over a year ago, I just couldnt cope with it and being a full time carer as well. You are a wonderful inspiration to many I feel sure.
It is so important that we continue to do things we enjoy, and it sounds like you very much enjoy your work. I can also see that its very hard for you to be away when you need to be. No doubt your husband is flat out managing himself, much less the responsibility of caring for your two dogs.
As a carer, you are entitled to respite care for your husband, which can include in-home care, when you need to be away for work or any other purpose. It sounds like there are a number of additional health concerns coming up for your husband next month. Are the surgeries related in some way to his stroke or one of his other health issues? My dad had a stroke a couple of months ago and, although now much improved, he has not fully recovered from that.
Its so hard to see a loved one struggle every day to get by, knowing they may never get any better. I can understand your feelings that you want this to be over, for their sake. I have felt that way too when my husband has been at his sickest. I nearly lost him twice in April this year. Dont feel horrible for feeling that way, its really quite normal under these circumstances.
Going through all that you are right now, is a very lonely and sad existance. Enough to make anyone angry and resentful. I would encourage you to seek some help through Carers Australia in the first instance, otherwise through your particular State body. Do you have a GP you feel comfortable to confide in klma? It can be a great comfort to have someone to talk to about all that you are going through. And they may be able to provide some help to assist you to deal with all that you are currently having to deal with. This isnt easy kmla, and it sounds like you're doing amazingly well under the circumstances. But there will come a time where you will break. You need support and tools to assist you to prevent that from occuring. You may be able to speak to a counsellor or a psychologist perhaps? Often the emotions of the carer of a loved one are extreme, and your care needs to be your primary concern right now. Please ensure you have the care you need to keep going. If you have good friends or relatives, dont be backward in asking for assistance if you need it. I hope you feel comfortable in seeking online support here as well any time you need to talk, vent, or ask questions. There are many kind caring and understanding people here, such as @Shaz51 and @Former-Member, who are all very willing to help in any way they can. Often all we need is an understanding ear in which to vent our fears and frustrations. You can do that here if you wish.
Wishing you the best and sending you a warm comforting hug.
Sherry 🤗💕
