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How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

aficionadoSenior Contributor29 Dec 2018, 7:41 pm AEDT

How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

I suppose this type of post could have been made before, but just putting it out here from my point of view.

For most of us, it is a real struggle to get through each day, which involves constantly fighting our inner demons. So when you feel so tired that you can't fight anymore, and you think of giving up (not referring to suicide, but just letting things go), how do you motivate yourself to keep fighting and march on?

I am a 32 year old male with hardly any friends or family in Australia, living by myself, and very soon will be without a job as well (which was decision I made to help with my mental health). As someone suffering from BPD, anxiety and depression, I sometimes feel just too tired and exhausted to continue my fight with my illnesses. And I am not really sure how to motivate myself. The age old technique of telling myself 'It will eventually get better' is starting to get banal, and doesn't help me anymore.

I would really appreciate some tips around this. Thanks in advance!

36 replies

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In response to: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

Hope4meSenior Contributor29 Dec 2018, 9:47 pm AEDT

Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

Good evening @aficionado

Your situation's sad no doubt my friend. Loneliness is more than uncomfortable, it can be extremely painful. I think coping with MH disorders can be easier than coping with not having another bod in the room. At least that's been my experience at times.

To me, "..it will eventually get better" means; 'This too shall pass'.

These words kept me going through the most frightening of episodes with psychosis, panic attacks and living - unsure of my survival. My will to live was stronger than fear though. I just didn't realise it until I looked back...

At times it was moment to moment; literally. Humans are capable of the most powerful changes. Due to our intelligence, we have the ability to train our brains, trick them into healing or, know when it's time to ask for help. Being put in a hospital psych ward for two weeks due to thinking I could do it all without consequences was the result of neglecting my human-ness. OMG! I'm not superwoman! lol

My greatest ally was/is my research skills and love of learning. I absorbed as much as I could and listened to my instincts/gut. When I was well enough, I identified what I wanted and went after it. Obviously it was a tough journey and not as simple as stated. It took four very long years and refusing to give up, to get where I am today.

I guess I got this trait from my mum who refuses to accept she's aging. She wasn't supposed to live past 30 or have any children after me, yet I have 3 siblings and she's in her late 70's. Defying the odds is her 'thing', though she's pushing things lately.

Unlike you, I isolated myself to get better; I had to. Family/friends/partners triggered with intensity. I did however go through a stage where I didn't think I'd survive without company. It was as you depict; terribly lonely.

I wouldn't call myself a hermit, but I'd rather be a bit lonely than deal with triggers and emotional distress. I made that choice after assessing the pro's and con's. It gave me a great sense of peace to finally be empowered to do it 'my way'.

Some don't like it at all, like my mum. She knows now I don't stay around to listen to her crap, I walk. That's peace to me...

Sorry to rave about myself so much, just thought you might get something from my words.

Till next time...

Hope x

In response to: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

emg_1Contributor29 Dec 2018, 11:28 pm AEDT

Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

Hi there @aficionado 🙂

I am 30 and although I live in Australia I live in a country town where I do not have that many people that I could reach out and have for support. I also have BPD, anxiety and depression.

I hope you are getting through the "silly season" okay? I know this time of year can be super hard and stressful.

Have you tried reaching out to organisations in your local community, look at things like Peer workers, community therapy groups (like art therapy). I know it might not sound like something you are into but spending time with people who are also going through similar things to you can really help and make you feel not so alone.

If you are feeling too overwhlemed or wanna chat more please reach out!
🙂

In response to: Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

aficionadoSenior Contributor30 Dec 2018, 3:52 am AEDT

Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

@Hope4me

Thanks a lot for sharing your inspiring backstory! And never, for a moment, did I feel that you were raving about your life.

My issues have never been as severe as yours (I think), because I have never been hospitalised. And my isolation too is voluntary in a way. I have always suffered from low self esteem, lack of confidence and a severe inferiority complex, so I often avoid people for the fear of being negatively judged.

Living by myself, with little to no human company, has actually helped me a lot. It has made me more independent and and self sufficient. But there are occasional periods of time during which I feel quite lonely, as I am feeling now. It is nearly 4 am, and I am just not able to sleep due to a feeling of dread somewhere inside me.

In response to: Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

aficionadoSenior Contributor30 Dec 2018, 3:57 am AEDT

Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

@emg_1

I hope you are able to cope up with your issues. I do agree about the 'silly' season you mention. And I am just waiting for the 2nd of January!

Thanks a ton for responding to me. I have tried, but have not been successful; in finding such groups. In fact, I am not sure how to look, or whom to approach for this sort of stuff.

In response to: Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

emg_1Contributor30 Dec 2018, 9:52 am AEDT

Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

@aficionado
It can be really hard finding places to go especially safe places that you feel comfortable. Do you have a community health centre near you?

If not maybe even pop up to your local public hospital and just ask the question, I know that can be daunting but a lot of hospitals have people called Peer Support workers and they have a lived experience of MH. They are generally super understanding and empathetic cause they have been exactly where you are right now.

I hope this helps?! 🙂

In response to: Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

aficionadoSenior Contributor30 Dec 2018, 10:34 am AEDT

Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

@emg_1

Are you referring to support groups? I did seek advice regarding this from my therapist, several months ago. She suggested a few places, but none of them functioned on weekends. As a full time working professional, it was really hard for me to take time off work just to make it to these group events on weekdays.

But as I previously mentioned, I would be unemployed by the end of January and I don't know how long it will take for me to find a another job. So I can perhaps make use of this time to be part of some of these support groups and attend their events even if they are on weekdays.

But thanks for your suggestion, I will certainly approach a community health centre and get more details about this in the next couple of days.

Really appreciate your support. Have a happy Sunday. Cheers!

In response to: Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

emg_1Contributor30 Dec 2018, 11:47 am AEDT

Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

That's okay 🙂
I have heard of some peer started groups running on weekends.

Also take a look at a website called meet up, I have found it good with meeting people that hav similar interests as well.

Have a great Sunday and hopefully it's not too hot where you are! 🙂

Also I am here all the time if you need to reach out. 🙂

In response to: Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

Hope4meSenior Contributor30 Dec 2018, 11:48 am AEDT

Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

Thanks for your kind response @aficionado

Reading @emg_1 posts, (Hey emg!) I'm wondering what you're interested in or passionate about my friend?

I love music! It brings out the teen in me

Sufferers spend so much time coping, we rarely have time for passion. It's important though so I'm hoping you can describe something for us to mull over.

Have a think about it eh.

Hope

Getting to know you...

In response to: Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

emg_1Contributor30 Dec 2018, 5:47 pm AEDT

Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

@Hope4me thanks for your interest.
It means a lot and sometimes is quite strange having someone ask about what I am passionate about as I often feel like there is an alterative motive.

I'm passionate about reading, helping people with their recovery using my own experience and my pets. I also am really enjoying and hope to spend the rest of my 30s (and beyond) connecting with people, travelling and just experiencinf things that I like and that I want to do - I'm still working out what a lot of that is.

I feel like as an adult I have had to relearn so many basic things that I didn't grasp growing up as I was thrust into this expected to be an adult and deal with things way above my capabilities from such a young age. I have CPTSD as well as BPD so I do sometimes still have such bad social anxiety that it all seems daunting but I make an effort to have things around my house that calm me.
For example on the wall next to toilet I have written out quotes that mean something to me and help me get up and look every day in the face with brave smile knowing I can do it.

What about yourself? Is it just music and what do you do help motivate you? Xx

In response to: Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

emg_1Contributor30 Dec 2018, 5:53 pm AEDT

Re: How do you motivate yourself to continue the fight when you have had enough?

@Hope4me
A particular quote that I really resonate with that's on my wall is
'I'm not a product of my circumstances, I am a product of my actions.'

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