Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

Looking at the do's and don't's - it's very easy to understand the desire to fix someone, to remove their pain. But it would just be a band-aid. Grief is something that needs to be gone through. Sometime we need to trust (and remind ourselves again and again, if need be) that our continued presence in that's grieving person life is reassuring for that person. You're in there for the long haul and you don't shut them down either.

@Heartworks great advice. I think people can be especially uncomfortable when supporting someone after the loss of a baby. A woman I know who sadly experienced the death of her first baby at just a few days old had people tell her "the baby was sick so probably better off really" and those sorts of things. So unhelpful!

Okay everyone, just jumping in as the time keeper. We have about 5 or 10 minutes left. Feel free to jump in with last questions, comments or reflections before we wrap up tonight.

Mine were teeny tiny in utero. I think, "you already have kids" is akin to saying, oh you lost an arm? Don't worry, at least you have another! Oh dear.

I think rejection and exclusion on both sides of the fence can be quite painful. Non attendance can just be as devastating as not being invited too. It can be so tricky sometimes. I wonder if it's the fear of shame or not wanting to go there....or just wanting to 'be' and process...or all of the above?

Last question to @awe and @And-016 How have you personally managed grief? What are some helpful strategies you could pass on to others?

Thank you everyone for sharing so openly tonight! @Fatima I hope we were able to help in some small way. 🙂

@Heartworks, i agree

For looking after yourselves, I'm impressed with the concept of "Flow". It is said that people are happiest when they are in a state of flow.

Your activity is in flow when:

• You can complete it
• You can concentrate on it
• It has a clear goal
• It gives immediate feedback
• It is enjoyable with a sense of control
• It separates you from the world
• “Self” disappears but re-emerges stronger
• Where sense of time alters (where 2 hours feels like 10 minutes)

Flow is a state of concentration or complete absorption with the activity at hand and the situation. It is a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter. The idea of flow is identical to the feeling of being in the zone or in the groove. The flow state is where the person is fully immersed in what he is doing. This is a feeling everyone has at times, characterized by a feeling of great absorption, engagement, fulfillment, and skill - and during which temporal concerns (time, food, ego-self, etc.) are typically ignored. It involves being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you're using your skills to the utmost.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mihaly_Csikszentmihalyi