Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Dear @Zoe7 @Former-Member @outlander

i haven’t posted for a while as my life is rather up and down and I just feel like I am whinging when I post it here. But I need support. I seem to be sad nearly all the time. And just recently had an on line falling out with a much loved step daughter. She lives overseas but visitis family here regularly. She said I only say hello or contact her when she is either coming to Perth or is here, so she feels rather neglected. When I pointed out that those are the times she ontacts me. It didn’t go down well. I really love her, but now she is not responding to my messages at all . Sometimes relationships pass their time I know. But I do not want this but am not prepared to grovel to her.

As much as I try I find it hard to be interested in life.

my son and I are finding it hard to live together but there is no other choice at this point.

i cry a lot, well a lot for me.

I am struggling to pay my bills and don’t know how to manage life any more.

I don’t even like my dogs anymore.

some one please help

peri

Hi @Peri

I'm sorry you are feeling so sad at the moment. It sounds like you are feeling so down about the situation with your stepdaugther and the home situation with your son has also been weighing on you.

I just wanted to let you know that I have sent you an email to check in on you.

Take care,

Mika

@Peri That us a lot to deal with Hon Family can be hard and not hearing from your step daughter after you have messaged her is sad. No wonder you are feeling teary. I hope she just needs a little time out and will get back to you before she is back in Perth.

I completely understand the financial struggles - just had to postpone payments for a few things myself as I cannot affor it. Living pay to pay still and barely managing although I have gone back to fulltime work. Meds alone this pay were expensive - had to get all of the repeats at once so cost a lot.

It is so hard when we financially cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel and combine that with family issues and general unwell feelings it is extremely hard ...very much hearing you on all of that. It is great that you have reached out here though - and never feel like you are whinging Hon - we are here to support you in whatever you are going through. Hugs and hugs

Dear @Peri

My apologies for not responding before now ... I have not been online here for over 2 weeks. Only logged back on yesterday and caught up with your post here.

Can I start by saying that I understand what you mean when you say you often dont like to post here because it feels like we are whinging. I have to say that I too often feel that way. It seems that I am constantly down, and only ever have bad stuff to say or report. My life seems to be in a constant downward spiral ... never seem to get any positivity lately. It sounds as though you are in a similar position right now? Well ... thats exactly what these online peer support forums are all about. So please ... post here whenever you feel like it. This is your thread, and you can talk about whatever you like, whenever you like. You know others understand, because most of us simply 'get it'. None of us have all the answers of course ... wish we did. But, for me anyway, having someone to unload all my troubles onto really does help. Being able to find understanding people to talk to, kind of cleanses the soul I think.

Its 10 days since you posted here ... how are you now? Any progress with your much loved step daughter? As you know, I have a stepdaughter and a stepson. Thankfully, I have a good relationship with both, and also their respective partners. Although I dont see them as often as I'd like .. they live about 6 hours from where we live. Yes its true that some relationship tend to have a 'time', but I dont believe that a stepdaughter relationship would have a time limit. Definitely worth working on that one I think Peri. Perhaps something has been resolved since you last wrote .. hope so anyway.

Living with your grownup son will likely always have its moments. Its hard living with someone else, someone with their own values and ways. Different if they are young, but when they are grownup then there are always going to be the odd clash. As there is no choice in the matter for now, its a matter of making the best of an unfortunate situation. Try to maintain boundaries where ever possible, in order to make things just a little easier for both of you. I feel sure its not easy for him either. I expect your little grand daughter is a bonus however?

Like you, I am having difficulty finding any positives in life ... everything seems like a chore to me lately. Even things I used to enjoy. My psych is wanting me to go back onto ADs, something I am resisting. I dont want to be reliant on pills just to exist. I know I'm wrong about this, but I am not able to change my mindset right now. I see it that its just adding another difficulty into my life. My psych tells me I need to think about happy things, pleasant memories. I tell her I cannot think of any. She suggests pets, holidays, etc. But even those thoughs lately only come up with sadness. Eg pets die, holidays end in tragedy, etc. It seems right now that I simply do not have any happiness at all in my life. Or .. maybe its there ... I just cannot find it right now. Its too hidden amongst all the bad stuff.

I'm sorry you have been crying a lot ... thats unusual for you ... usually so strong and stoic. Have you given any further thought to doing some volunteer work? Perhaps join a local MH support group? Oh Peri ... you dont even like your dogs any more? Things really are bad then, arent they? I am so sorry. I still love my little Holly ... I dont think that will ever change. I may not take her for the walks she loves, but I still spend time with her. Which I feel sure you still do with your doggies as well.

Peri ... I so wish I could help in some way. Of course I cant, we both know that. But I do offer my support, understanding and love from afar. I can only urge you to talk to your GP and perhaps seek out a local support group which is relevant to your situation. That would give you some local support and a chance to not be as lonely as you must be right now. Kindest thoughts to you.

Hi also to @Zoe7 @outlander @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope

Sherry 💕

sending you lots of hugs @Peri

Dear @Former-Member

thanks for responding. I found that post very difficult and in fact asked for it to be removed. It got a response I wasn’t really ready for, with an email suggesting numbers I might like to call if needed. I wasn’t feeling like that at all, so somewhere I mis communicated.,then even though I had given the reasons I wanted it removed I got another email asking me to explain why. This really didn’t help and ticked me off.

my relationship with my step daughter seems is off, she is not responding to me.ah well, it is basically her problem. But it makes me sad. But I am not going to beg, or apologise for god knows what.

it is unusual for me to cry, thankfully, I have stopped now. My mood is up and down. But I have quite a few up days where I feel better.

You do help. Just responding here to me and making me feel like I am not going mad really helps. I value your posts very much.

i think about you and wonder how things are going for you. I do hope you are ok.

my son and I are ok at the moment, yes it is hard. But his life is hard too and he is my boy and I love him.

Thank you sherry.

Peri

I'm sorry to hear that you felt the need to remove your post from last week @Peri . Are you okay now, with the fact that your post remains? I hope so, because there is no shame and no embarrassment to be had, in what you said in your post. I'm also sorry that the emails questioning your request made you feel worse and ticked you off. Clearly the mods were concerned about you and it is their duty of care to check on your welfare. It may have been a mis-communication, but as they deal with so many people here, they can never be sure. And its best to be sure, than sorry.

I am very sorry to hear that it appears your relationship with your step daughter is over. Yes it is her problem, but its also sad for you. I guess its best left to her to get back to you, as and when she chooses to do so. From where I stand, you have nothing to apologise for, and no reason to beg. But could it be that pride is standing in the way here? For either her or yourself? It would be sad indeed for you to lose touch with her, over a simple misunderstanding. Lets hope she sees sense and gets in touch with you again soon. For both your sakes. How old was she when she came into your life?

Thats great to hear that you are having a few 'up' days now, so much better than all down. Also that the tears have slowed or stopped. You sound more like yourself in other words. Thanks for saying that I help simply by responding. I assure you that you do not sound at all mad ... you sound as sane as the rest of us ... if thats any reassurance? 🤣

I think of you a lot too Peri. I havent been so good lately, as I probably indicated in my earlier post to you. Trauma anniversary a couple of weeks ago knocked me for 6 this year for some reason. I guess I have a bit happening along with that ... Hubby unwell, Dad unwell, Brother unwell. And the possibility that I will soon not have a psych. Oh well. Am I okay though? Yeah ... I guess I am. At least more so than I was a couple of weeks ago anyway. Things were pretty hairy back then, I have to say in all honesty.

I think I mentioned to you a couple of months ago that hubby and I have a wedding to attend in Perth next weekend. My niece, or step-niece I suppose is more accurate. So we are meant to be flying over on Thursday. With all the movement restrictions around the coronavirus, its kind of a day to day thing whether we will actually get there or not. They are talking about closing down some cities. And since we have to fly via Sydney, it could get difficult. And what if they close down all public transport, including domestic air travel, while we are away? Hubby has a stack of specialist medical appointments coming up in a couple of weeks. So, like everything in my life lately, everything is very much up in the air ... literally. I really should be looking forward to the trip, a wedding and a happy occasion and all. But all I see it as is a major chore. Its not easy travelling with an unwell husband, in fact its very stressful.

I'm glad you and your son are doing okay right now. It matters not that you may have your occasional differences, he is still your son and of course you love him. Its not an ideal situation for either of you, living under the same roof. But I feel sure there are also some pluses to the arrangement, on both sides.

Thank you too Peri ... I really do appreciate you. Please take good care of yourself, and check back in when you can. I always enjoy hearing from you ... good or bad news, up or down.

Sherry 💕