Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Hon you are in a major change of life stage with retirement and with that comes so many new challenges alone despite the difficulties with finances, loneliness and additional support. I have some idea of the huge financial stress when funds are limited and we cannot seem to get on top of things. I am in the fortunate position now of going back to work fulltime in Feb so that will eventually be eased for me soon. Have you thought about a part time job - just a few hours a week - to help ease that burden a bit. It would also give you connections to other people each week and ease that loneliness as well. I don't know if that is a possible option for you but if it is then one worth considering @Peri

I think the question of 'what would make us happy' is one may of us cannot answer - it is not always as easy as changing our current situation especially when dealing with MI. I find the little things are the ones that bring me a little joy - my fur babies, being here amongst friends, achieving things in my home I have planned, watching sport (especially when my team wins) - but they are my own personal things and we all have to find those for ourselves within our own life. I also know finances can play a major part in what we can actually achieve and when we are seriously struggling in that area it is hard to do anything else - it does consume us with worry and stress and that affects every other aspect of our lives ...very much hearing you on that one Peri.

I could also suggest here communitiy groups to get involved in but it seems quite apparent that you are in no emotional state to deal with that - maybe down the track. It is a very hard place to be sitting Hon - when the whole world around us seems to be dark and everything unattainable - and yes you just want to close your eyes and have it all disappear so you don't have to constantly deal with it all.

Do you have outside supports you can lean on? Someone you can talk to and let them know how you are feeling? We are here with you and very much understand and support you through this also - I know this community has helped me through a lot of really tough times and with their support as well as my GP, psych and pdoc it has at times saved my life ....so I very much get that darkness but will hold a light out for you so you know you are not alone.

Hi @Peri, sorry to hear things are feeling so tough right now. Good on you for reaching out on the forum. The following services are also available if you need to talk:

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467

Samaritans: 135 247

For you @Peri ... just because. 💕

Sherry

Thank you @Former-Member

i have often looked at these numbers, I think I rang one once, but what can they really do? I am not going to do anything drastic, no matter how much at times I might wish it. I could not leave that as a legacy for my children and grandchildren.

what would they do? And the last thing I would be pleased about is someone being so concerned they rang the police or something.

peri

Hi @Peri 💕

I agree with what you say about phoning the help lines. It is a deterent for me too, to think that someone may ring 'the authorities' if I am completely honest during a call. It does mean I think more than twice about making the call.

You have had so many major life changes over the past few years. Loss of husband, job, home, birth mother and adoptive mother. These are all some of the most major life stressors. It will take time to adjust and recover.

I agree with @Zoe7 that either casual or part time work may be a good option for you. It would help with finances as well as loneliness and feelings of worthlessness. But if you are not ready for the restrictions of actually working, would you consider doing some sort of volunteer work? That can be very rewarding, and I know you have skills which would bode very well in a number of areas. Although it wont provide extra income, it shouldnt cost you anything either. Many volunteer organisations reimburse any costs associated with volunteer commitments. Mine does .. eg for travel costs, small gifts, etc. And it will make you feel useful, give you a sense of purpose, help with your loneliness, and get you out of the house. I know I have spoken to you before about volunteering, so please forgive me for harping on about it.

Is there any one thing you like about your new home and your new location? If there is ... can you try to concentrate more on that, rather than all that you have lost from your former location? Try to build on the few good things. I know thats hard, but retirement often means we need to downsize and/or relocate, irrespective of other circumstances. So your move may well have been on the cards even without the loss of your husband. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, its not meant to be.

There is such a thing as "Adjustment Disorder" which may well be relevant to you, given your many recent stressors. I'd suggest you look it up and read about it.

I am thinking of you Peri and hoping things can turn around for you soon. I will be travelling to Perth again in March, for my husband's brother's daughter's (my niece) wedding. Whenever I think of that and make travel plans etc, I think of you. Booked flights and accommodation already.

Sherry

Hey @Peri

@Former-Member's suggestion of doing volunteer work is a gret one - it would get you out, meeting new people and having that human contact. It would also be rewarding for you to do something outside of the home where you are helping other people. Either that or looking for a part time job would be great ways to increase the connections you have in the community ...just a few hours a week would not only get you out of the house but give you something each week to look forward to.

Dear @Former-Member,

thanks for your response. My husband died a long time ago, so I am sorry if I have created a false impression. So that is not a recent thing. But the rest is all right and leaves me in this awful state of inaction. I could look for part time work. But I am terrified and get stuck. I have never seen myself a a volunteerer, but I could consider it. I know I need to get out and mix more, but I seem to have lost all my self confidence or something.

I will look up adjustment disorder. I see no way out of all this loss.

How are you?

peri

Hi everyone

@Peri I just want to say how sorry I was to read that you’ve had so many significant losses recently and it’s great that you’re finding comfort and support from the forum community.

I’m just chiming into the thread to acknowledge that everyone’s experience of help seeking is different and that’s whether you’re reaching out to a helpline, a friend or family member. I guess the important thing is to let someone know that you’re struggling and could do with some help.

I guess too that it’s worthwhile saying that we all have our own ways of deciding whether our existing resources and supports are enough or if it would be helpful to get extra help. And that may (or may not) include a diagnosis.

Thanks for listening and keep up the great work of looking after each other

@Peri