Hi @Appleblossom and @Faith-and-Hope , @Shaz51 , @Former-Member
well it is two months on from my last post. What has changed? Well my son and I are in a much better place. I know I still irritate him at times, but I remember how that feels, being irritated with ones parent. And it is not usual for a mo5er and son to be living together these days. I remember a TV program of that name, mother and son, I hope we don’t end up like that. Well I don’t have dementia, well not yet.
i try to keep occupied and take more interest in my house and all that. Some days I can trick myself into thinking I like it.
I have just read an interesting article about nihilism. The author said it was very liberating once they realised that there is actually no meaning to life, thata they were just a lump of meat on a rock. Then they actually became more interested in the rock than themselves. I don’t think I have actually reached that point yet, but the relief of not trying to find meaningwould be wonderful. Not having a purpose could be very liberating.
I have always felt my life had to have purpose, the purposes don’t have to be big, just the purpose of
being someone’s daughter, wife, mother etc, my career was a purpose and I valued the job and it’s role in society, nursing.
Now I do feel purposeless, but I need to see that that doesn’t matter and just enjoy the moment, the warmth of the sun, etc. but I am not so good at that.
I have lost so much, personally and materially and it weighs me down, but it really doesn’t matter at all. Now to adjust my thinking to this new way.
lately I have been missing my mother a great deal. She died some 14 years ago, and then this year my birth mother died. I feel their loss very acutely and sad about both in such different ways.. I try not to get stuck in it. I was so lucky my mum was wonderful and I had a charmed life and relationship with her. Then I met my birth mother and had fun with her for over 30 years. But I have been very aware of losing my mum and the thought of never being with her again.
Perhaps it is this time of the year, but I don’t think so.
My anxiety has been very high lately, some times I feel like my chest is going to explode with it.
I also don’t like getting older, I don’t care about all that age is just a number stuff or 60 is the new 50 or what ever, I don’t like it. It is not my dominant thought or anything, but lately I have been seeing the changes a lot.
thanks to anyone who reads this
peri
