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Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Trying to be happy, isn’t working

I really try hard to face life positively, but it just isn’t working. I don’t feel physically well, though there is nothing specifically wrong with me. I have had long bouts of depression since my early twenties, and I am back there now for the last three years. The black dog has now been joined by severe anxiety and due to some very traumatic events that left me without mt career of 50 years I now have PTSD. This has only been recognised recently. I have no interest in friends or family. Have no money have had to move home and this been another trauma for me that I can’t seem to move past.

I live with my youngest son who is 35 and has his own mh ussues and can be very difficult.i constantly think about death as my only option. But I just want to be happy, not deleteriously so, just happy. I have no partner and still grieve for my husband who died many years ago.

I can find nothing enriching in life

That is enough for now. Peri

468 replies

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In response to: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Hi @Peri ...., 👋🌷

Sending some gentle cyber hugs your way ....

Hopefully your arm is continuing to heal and week by week you will find yourself recovering strength.

I had an “incident” shall we say, that left me severely injured with tendinitis for the best part of six months. I have never healed so slowly before, but never had such a massive impact of it before either, so it was quite a shock to be so out of action and feeling helpless. Slowly, slowly it has healed, and it’s only this month I have been able to put aside the braces for wrists, elbows and knees with any confidence that I wouldn’t suddenly need one of them across the day.

Please check in here any time you feel able to, so we can chat to you, send you messages and sit with you in your recovery.

💜💕

In response to: Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

hi @Peri

hugs

sitting with you

I have had very slow recoveries from wrist and back injuries. While I was in constant pain and felt I was never going to get better I had very bad anxiety and mental health. All I wanted to do was run and run away because of my anxiety yet all I could do with my injuries was sit or lie and watch tv. It was hard even to get up to go to the loo. Preparing meals & eating was very difficult, as was doing my laundry. I hated having my independence taken away from me by the injuries, it was so frustrating.

But I got better finally.

And you will too.

As Faith-and-Hope said, write here as often as you can so we can sit with you and support you and send you good vibes.

I know it may seem impossible but you will get there, you will be strong again and feel better.

I hope you like cats? I hope this will cheer you up a little bit, this is my buddy

When I was confined with injuries I couldn't bend down to give him a pat and he was running around all healthy and vibrant and I felt I was in such bad health compared to him. But things changed after a long time and now I can go and see him in the garden and pick him up

In response to: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

My dear @Peri

Firstly thanks so much for taking the time to post yesterday. I am relieved to hear from you, as I had been worrying these last few weeks.

I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling so low right now. Its terribly difficult to cope with pain and restrictions as a result of an injury such as you experienced. Clearly it was a bad break you suffered, and you also had the brain injury. This is no minor thing @Peri . As a former nurse, you would know that a little patience will be required for a time. But as @BryanaCamp so rightly said, your current state of feeling so useless and sore, will ease over coming weeks. Can I ask if you have any home help organised? Post hospitalisation, it is sometimes helpful to have for a time, just until you get back on your feet and start to be a bit more able to do things. It is not a minor thing to not have the use of one arm, it affects almost everything you do, or want to do. Are you having any follow up physiotherapy to help with your ongoing recovery for your arm? Is your son being helpful around the house while you've been laid up with the broken arm?

Of course you want to stop feeling so low! Gosh .. dont we all? Oh @Peri , you say I'm strong ... but I'm not. You say you'd like to be as strong as me (and others here) ... but I dare say that if you knew what went on in my head, then you would not wish that at all. I am far from strong, I struggle each and every day. But I do keep trying to keep my head above water. I guess there is something to be said for stubborn persistence?

Yes I have no doubt at all that you are a very strong woman, and have been for most of your life. You have needed to be, with all that you have gone through in your lifetime. You are still that same strong woman Peri ... just taking a short breather to recharge your batteries. You have had a lot of knocks over the past year or more. You lost your Mum only a matter of months ago. You moved from a home you loved only last year. That is a major upheaval in anybodys life, one of the main stressors that humans go through in their lives. The fact that you say 'I want to go home', makes it clear that you still do not consider your new house to be your home yet. I wish I knew how to make that transition easier for you, as I'm sure it is contributing heavily towards your continued low mood.

I apologise for not responding yesterday afternoon, but I had a busy day yesterday with a GP appointment for hubby. Had to wait almost an hour for that, and then I seem to have been in a mad rush the rest of the evening.

Its lovely to see the support you have received here from some of our other lovely members here ... waves to @BryanaCamp @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom @Shaz51 (I hope your Darwin holiday is going well Shaz? You must be due home this weekend I think?). I also hope that you have received some helpful support from @Former-Member who was going to email you. Please remember that you can post here any time, and receive support. I've missed you lately. And dont feel bad about only coming on here when you are feeling down. Thats what this place is all about. You dont have to wait until you feel good, to post. Any time is great.

Sending you love and healing thoughts.

Sherry 💕😊

In response to: Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

@Peri When I was very unwell with my neck, I got 2 little kittens as pets for my son. There delicateness and smallness was so soothing as I cuddled them. Gradually they got bigger, and gradually I got better. Now I only have one left - Mr King of the Court Cat, a proud long hair, lion looking feline. He is curled up on couch with me. He is 18 now.

Love your story about your cat @BryanaCamp

@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

Hugs

In response to: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Thank you

In response to: Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Hi @Peri ... It's lovely to see you again.

How are you feeling now? Really hope things are starting to improve. I realise recovery will be slow, but it will happen.

Happy to talk any time you need to. As I'm sure others are too. @Appleblossom @BryanaCamp @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51

Let you into a secret @Peri ... it is my 60th birthday today. But dont tell anyone. 😂 Actually heaps of people have very kindly wished me a happy birthday on a birthday thread in the social pages here. Lovely it is. I have to respond later. Going out for dinner tonight to a local Italian Restaurant, which should be nice. Using a gift voucher my step daughter gave us for christmas. Hubby is finally well enough to go out and enjoy dinner. Invited a couple of hubby friends to come with us. And I have my sister visiting from interstate as well. So there will be 7 of us all together. The $100 gift voucher wont go very far I fear. Oh well ... I guess I dont turn 60 every year. Sadly my Mum appears to have forgotten that its my birthday. She always remembers ... but she has been so scatterbrained lately, that its not at all surprising that she has forgotten. I rang her this morning to check on her.

Have you been doing anything much lately Peri? Last time we spoke much, you were doing your resume and intending to look for some part time work. Which was clearly before your fall. Any progress in that regard lately? How are your gorgeous doggies? And your granddaughter?

Sherry 💕🌼🌸

In response to: Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

@Former-Member, enjoy your dinner today

and am soo glad that Mr S is well enough to celebrate your birthday

it is hard when our love ones forget things , don`t let it get to you , she may remember after or tomorrow

@Peri, how are you xxx

In response to: Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Dear @Former-Member

thank you for the post, I hope that you had a very happy birthday, and the dinner went well. I am sure you mum remembered , but she has so much to think about herself. 60, well that is nothing, I am now 67, it shocked the hell out of me.

my wrist is staring to get better with movement, the cast has been off for two weeks. I still get pain and discomfort but that can go on for ages apparently. I am having physio to help with the movement.

I have been feeling terrible so your posts and those from others mean a lot.

my dogs are sweet but naughty, as winter comes on they don’t like going outside to wee at night so I usually find an accident somewhere. It is awful, but I don’t want to shut them out for the night, it can get really cold. However our days are still generally lovely and sunny.

i Do wish I didn’t feel this low, that in itself drags me further down if that makes sense.

How is your husband doing following his recent hospitalisation and changes? Well I am going to go and do the biggest pile of ironing that you may have ever seen.

I hope you have a lovely day

peri

In response to: Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Dear @Shaz51

thank you for the post, it means a lot to hear from you. I am ok. I don’t quite as bad today, but I am really struggling with my mood. It is really making me feel worse to feel so low all the time.

My wrist is gradually improving and I have all these exercises to do to improve the movement.

How are you?

peri

In response to: Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Re: Trying to be happy, isn’t working

Dear @Peri

Thank you for your post to me back on 24th May. Seems such a long time ago now. Yes thankyou my birthday was pleasant enough, and dinner out with a few of hubbys friends and my sister went okay. All very low key.

Ha ha ... I had to laugh at you saying that turning 67 shocked the hell out of you. I think I know what you mean.

So good to hear that your wrist is starting to improve. Hopefully much more so since you last wrote. Having physio will help, but yes I expect you are right about expecting pain and discomfort for some time yet. I understand it was quite a bad break. Have you had any ongoing issues from the head knock and brain trauma?

Your dogs being sweet but naughty, sounds like our typical much loved K9 companions. We can be a little bit lenient with them sometimes I think. I'm just very lucky that my Holly is an extremely well behaved little girl, despite my lack of discipline at times. Thankfully she does not make me pay for that leniency. My girl hates going out for a pee in wet weather, and will leave it until she absolutely has to go. She is okay when its cold, provided its not wet. But she is out and back in again as quick as a flash.

Our weather here has been just gorgeous ... up until today that is. Perfect autumn weather, cooler nights be beautiful cloudless and windless days where you can run around in short sleeves very comfortably. Today ... well ... a total turnaround. Gale force winds, blustery and damaging. Driving rain and freezing temperatures. The wind blowing off the mountains inland of here, where there has been snow. So its definitely been an inside day today.

My husband picked up really considerably while in hospital and immediately after, but worryingly he has taken a few backward steps in the past week. I dont know whats going on there, but I am concerned. Although he is still much improved to pre hospital, I would have expected that he would continue to improve, rather than start going backwards. Its possible they needed to keep him on higher doses of steriods for a longer period, in order to get the encephalitis under control.

So tell me ... did you get that biggest pile of ironing done? I imagine ironing would be a very difficult proposition whilst nursing a recently broken wrist. I hope you didnt take on more than you should have? Or was that considered to be part of your ongoing physio?

I would welcome hearing how you are doing now @Peri . Sending you kindest wishes.

Sherry 💕

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