Work pressure killing me, seeking advice

Hello again @aficionado and shout-out to all the lovelies who've joined in the discussion. 🙂 @Lise07@GoatV2-0@Former-Member@TAB

Going back to Uni would be a good opportunity for social connections; I get where you're coming from there.

All my tertiary study was done flexibly in the late 90's and early 20's while I worked full time. I hated the residentials as most of the class was made up of ambitious women in their 40's and 50's with big chips on their shoulders. I've no doubt they ended up as abusive managers who'd do anything to get ahead.

I on the other hand, was there because I cared enough about people to make changes to the govt system where I worked. It was a shambles. Ergo; eventual breakdown...

I give major credit these days to people who have 'lived experience' on their resume. Though like me, this may also be a handicap for stressful areas. I'm starting my own business next year; still developing and researching, though finding confidence to get back on the horse holds me back a little. I haven't worked in over 4 yrs.

I'm not sure what field you're in, but creating your own business is always an option. Our mental health sometimes puts pressure on performance to please those around us and hide our emotional deficiencies, so the benefits to self employment can offer far better conditions and remunerations. In my case, control.

I've found a (national) gap in service provision; not an easy feat in this day and age in the social services sector. Major non govt organisations hold the majority of control, but being a small operator gives me an edge to address 'specific' problems for individuals.

I won't have a funding body or govt registration to deal with which suits me down to the ground. Totally my baby...

The reason I've bought this up is to demonstrate how a simple idea can eventuate into a personal endeavour that doesn't rely on the say-so or decision making of others. From what you've written, it might just be an option suitable to your needs.

I hope work isn't giving you too much grief today. I'm looking forward to hearing from you as I'm enjoying the banter. Hope you are too...

Kind regards;

Hope

@Hope4me, @Lise07, @TAB, @GoatV2-0 and @Former-Member

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.

I am happy to inform you that I finally mustered up the courage to hand in my resignation today, in spite of having no job lined up.

It wasn't easy. I nearly backed out, as I had done numerous times before. My mind was filled with nasty thoughts about me becoming homeless and starving, due to lack of income. I was also sweating profusely, and my fingers were trembling as I typed my resignation email.

But I did it. I can't even believe it. I have a huge feeling of relief. Yes, I am heading into unknown territory - no job, no contacts and having to pay university fees as well. But I really wanted to start on a clean slate, with no baggage. I just hope I can secure a job before my savings run out (they will definitely last 8 to 10 months).

It is ironic and cruel sometimes that the best way to deal with things and become stronger is to go through it. These things which challenge your confidence, which I can totally relate to, especially when you fell isolated, socially unsupported, and the stress of finance weighs on you. Yet, keep in mind that everyone else is actually in the same boat. We all have doubts and fears, hidden carefully behind our well-crafted social skills and "macho male" personas.

So I will just say a few general topics which you may be interested in which may be of great help to you (i'm sure you are aware but there is more depth). Also these are no a subsitute for visiting a specialist or G.P.

Diet. I quit sugar, and caffeeine, and I feel much more relaxed and can sleep a little better. I also eat more meat and vegetables, and less processed foods, and less pastries. I feel much better and even lost weight.

Join a social group with a hobby or interest you enjoy. Start small if you feel intimidated, but not too small. You are 32, you have done well to come to Australia and work so hard by yourself, that means you are a determined person, you have strength. So don't be scared to push yourself out of your social comfort zone a little, you can take it believe me. And people will judge you at first, so what?? The people that want to snob you are not the people who make good friends, anyway. Its like a built-in filter!

Building good friends and doing things you enjoy regularly will build your confidence and social network, win-win.

Exercise, good sleep pattern, maybe even take up yoga and/or meditation if you have a too active mind. (Hint: if you can silence or go beyond your mind at will, its probably too active.) With mental relaxation comes confidence, and focus. You may even ace those future interviews.

Finally can I suggest keep looking for a job. Its good to take a break, but work is not only financial, but stabilizing. Use your spare time to look for work, mauybe try these things, and read some self-help books. Seek a counsellor too if you feel overwhelmed and anxious too easily.

I've been where you are. I'm still here. So you can do it.

@aficionado

You did it!!!!!!!!

...Proud of you...

@christofff

Thanks a lot for the detailed advise, I really appreciate that!

I follow a reasonably healthy diet too. I got my weight down from a whopping 82 kgs (I am quite short, at just 170 cms/5'7"), to 65 kgs. I have almost given up on soft drinks and sweet food. I have also reduced alcohol consumption to maybe once a year.

I suffer from severe inferiority complex (which is a symptom of my BPD), and that's the reason I am unable to socialise. I have always felt like a subpar human being, and that everyone else is better than me. My social skills are now better than they used to be, and I can indulge in small talk with people. But I am still not yet in a position to just socialise. Besides, I am going through a cultural identity crisis. One of the reasons for me leaving my home country was that the culture back there was too traditional, conservative and backward. I never fit in. I certainly feel at home in Australia, but I still have a lot of cultural baggage which makes me feel like I won't fit in with people here either.

Regarding exercise, I have been hitting the gym for a couple of months now (based on the advice of my psychologist). It has certainly helped me alleviate my depression to a certain extent. Of late, I am turning it up a notch. I work out 5 days a week, for 60 to 90 minutes a day - a combination of cardio and strength training.

I plan to start seeking a job once I return from my vacation, around mid-February (I am on holiday from 1st to 15th February). There are hardly any jobs in my profession right now (I am a programmer), due to the Christmas break. December and January are are pretty much dead months when it comes to job opportunities. I am just waiting for opportunities to crop up.

@Hope4me

Yes, I did it! Thanks to you and the other kind folks out here!

I would be lying if I said I am not worried at all about having no job now, but I just need to keep my chin up and keep looking for work without getting bogged down. Hopefully I'll be able to find something before I rn out of money.

Mighty, mighty @aficionado

Don't forget to take time out to debrief and rest your mind. A week till Xmas, so it won't hurt to lay low for a while.

If you want to get your mind off things, there's plenty of social threads here. One I visit each day is; 'Word for the day - Comfort or Play'. It's so much fun finding pic's and words to share. Today's word is 'Chocolate'.

Please take a look-see and maybe join in?

Have a GREAT weekend!

Hope