Life after attempting suicide

Hi @Former-Member

Not sure how much help I can be as I was still a kid when I last attempted but my biggest thing was to keep loved ones close the trust may be gone they may tiptoe when around you and watch you like a hawk but having loved ones and/or someone you trust close helps and don't be afraid to tell someone when you feel low they are gonna overreact the first time probably the first few times but let someone be there to support you can help alot even if the suicidal thoughts remain someone knowing can help if you don't want to tell someone close then talk on here there is always someone to talk to who understand the struggle

Thank you @Former-Member

it must’ve been really hard for you being just a kid. I’ve got adult kids and I don’t know how to talk to them about it. My partner is brushing under the carpet like ‘a stupid mistake’. I think it was a long time coming. I am so scared that the thoughts will never go away. I’ve struggled for a long time when doing prevention plans with the reasons to live. I’ve been numb and detached from life for too long to find enjoyment even if there really are things I should be looking forward to.

Hi and welcome @Former-Member and a shout-out to @Former-Member.

Your situation though very complex and worrisome, is well known in these parts. So please know you're heard and understood ok.

I haven't attempted, but have been as close as it gets a few times. The last one sent me to a psych ward for a couple of weeks, which in hindsight was one of the most important experiences of my life. For the first time in my adult life, I was totally taken care of by others, not even allowed to dust or sweep my own room. Very odd feeling, but a valuable lesson. I can't be everything to everybody...

I've learned through experience that suicidal thoughts (for me) are a response to invisible triggers. Facing those triggering moments has been a horrible trial at times but with good psych support, loved ones, self assessment and mindfulness, I've managed to curb their affect.

The best advice I have is to 'know yourself'. By this I mean, to be aware of your behaviour, beliefs and values that direct your decisions in every aspect. It isn't people or situations that hurt us the most, it's our inability to respond to them effectively.

An example of a lesson I learned about me:

After two men had carried out some electrical work in my home, I suffered a major panic attack and then ongoing anxiety for many hrs. I was fed up with these episodes, so I went back over my day to try and identify what the trigger was.

One of those men walked mud onto the floor, but as upset about it as I was, I couldn't bring myself to confront him. It suddenly dawned on me that it wasn't him that made me anxious; it was my fear of men and subsequent inability to speak up.

The moment this realisation hit, my anxiety left as quickly as it had risen and I was filled with a positive sense of self. I finally understood my accountability and role re my anxiety.

The lesson? I 'was' powerful, but had yet to learn how to be 'empowered' with my words, thoughts and actions. This moment a couple of years ago was the beginning of my healing.

You're obviously an intelligent and vital woman who wants to heal and, is willing to do whatever it takes to get there. These qualities alone are enough to help you through the process of self determination and self realisation. YOU are enough!

I hope I've given you something of value to mull over. I'd be happy to chat if you're willing hun.

Take care ok...

Kind thoughts;

Hope

Hi @Former-Member,

i have huge empathy for you. I've been where you are, though I don't know your life story.

Mostly, it becomes crucial to be super gentle on yourself when you are starting again. It takes a while to get over the shock and for people around you to settle down and build trust again. Do what you need to look after you and be kind to yourself as much as you can. It will get easier.

It's a good time to put things in place for next time you ever feel that low, of that happens ever. A detailed crisis plan is really useful. What you do when you feel like X, starting from mild crises to serious crises. The more details you put in this plan the better they work.

The people around you will be processing their feelings about what happened. It's important although you know you had a part in why they feel like they do, that you don't feel responsible for helping them with those feelings. You have enough on your own plate.

Remember even baby steps go forwards. And you never have more than one step in front of you at any one time. If you focus on everything it can get too overwhelming.

Let us know how you are doing. Remember we're here to listen. Caring lots!

-Twerp.

Life just needs to go on as usual, with a bit more supervision. I feel locked up in this life.

@Twerp @Hope4me @Former-Member

Thank you for your replies, I have read them many times.

i feel hopeless. People are trying to support me but in the end, I need to face my past, my triggers, my mental illness, my suicide attempt. The new wound is so fresh and i think i still am in shock, but life goes on, Xmas get together a are calling, brave face required... the show must go on...

i socialised today, the first time going out with my partner. It hit me when I got home.

I can cry and cry and go around in circles and I look at my life and should be happy.

Merry Xmas to you and your family too @Former-Member

When I self admitted to a psych ward nearly 2 years ago, I was physically ok, but my emotiions shut down. I was insightful enough to know something was wrong and called the Rape Crisis Hotline. All I said was; "Is it normal to have no emotion while doing a suicide action plan?"

She put me straight through to the Mental Health Crisis Line. I answered a few questions then she sent an ambulance to pick me up. I waited out front of my home with my packed bag while joking with the police officer who'd arrived to keep an eye on me. He was really purplexed by my demeanor; no wonder!

No-one would've known I was in crisis except the experienced MH consultant who took my call.

I was given a very lovely room by the way, and slept like a baby. The next day I fell to pieces in what I can only describe as frightening. Why? Because I thought I could do it all without any consequences.

Your brain isn't an infinite source of strength and coping ability Dimmie. It's a physical organ that suffers just like other organs when they're sick. At any given moment you may present with scary symptoms; not because you're not strong enough or can't keep up the mask you carry during social events. It's the other way around ok.

Your wounded and scarred brain isn't working properly, therefore your emotions, cognitive abilities and body will reflect this.

This concept can be difficult to understand considering our propensity for self blame. It's not your fault! Please consider visiting your hospital and request to be seen by their MH worker. They know better than most what signs to look for.

I spent 10 days without being allowed to even dust my side table or sweep the floor; how odd it felt. By the last day though, I understood why my brain gave up. I pushed it way too hard and didn't have a GP who thought Mental Illness was real. She thought it was all about my thoughts and lack of will power. How wrong whe was.

So please consider what you'd do if you had pluracy for instance; how far would you go to heal your lungs? The time, patience, rest and so on required to see you through would all be worth it right. Why is your brain any different?

Complex PTSD causes the brain to physically change. So your thoughts are being created by a sick brain. Making simple decisions, holding a conversation and expressing appropriate emotions can be affected and will only get worse unless you rest, take your med's and keep a low profile (like not helping others all the time).

Practising mindfulness is a great way to rest your mind. Look around the net for ideas that suit you; not all techniques agree with everyone.

I for instance can't meditate because pictures in my mind freak me out. So I just focus on the room, squeeze my hands/fingers and slow breathe while thinking to myself; "Nothing I see can harm me in this moment. I'm safe and at peace."

Hypervigilence is a major contributor to trauma victims' mental health issues. Slowing everything down so your brain can rest is necessary in the beginning.

I'm sorry I've raved on so much, but it sounds like you really could do with some support from someone who knows.

Take care over the holiday period ok.

Love Hope xo

Thank you @Hope4me

i cannot express enough of my gratitude in you sharing your experiences with me. My brain is tired, my batteries are empty. My partner didn’t want me to go to hospital so I stay home. I have asked him this morning to cancel some Christmas gatherings as it will just be too much for me. I wouldn’t be here now if he didn’t get home in time, so I guess me being here has to be good enough. I’ve got nothing left in me. I’ve been feeling numb for so long, i don’t remember a different life. I don’t think I’ve got anything to lose either. I’ve got an empty shell and hopefully I’ll be able to fill it again. I paint for mindfulness. It’s the only thing that gives me some sort of what people call peace. I’ll stop writing now, as it makes me confused.

Tahnk you so much.

Good morning @Former-Member. I'm so sorry things are at this level for you. I do understand completely.

The fact you've asked your husband to take you to the hospital and him not allowing it, is more than unfortunate; it's probably negligent so I'm really concerned for your well-being.

Your idea to cancel social outings means you're self aware, are learning your limits and can voice your needs. I'm proud of you. Please consider discussing hospital with him again Dimmie. The words you use to describe your situation tells me things are dire.

If he refuses again, it may be time to buck the system and do it for youself. I wouldn't advise this unless I thought it was in your best interest especially as you're a high risk for suicide. Please just call 000 and ask for help.

Thankyou for writing as much as you have. It must be difficult. Hang in there girl...

Love Hope xo