Hi @Former-Member some days it's even 10 minutes at a time. One of the most basic things, time passing, yet totally out of our control. Some days all I could know for sure was that time was passing. And yes, s thoughts can come and go over the years, but my commitment to never putting my family, especially my child who was 10 at the time, through it again has never wavered. Even when I felt I had no purpose in life and was a waste of space I knew I'd never do it again. I still sometimes even thought of ways to do it that would be simple and tidy but I would tell myself NO that's never happening again. It didn't change anything anyway. If I was 'brave' enough to do that then I was strong enough to get through the next 10 minutes, and the 10 after that. So for me the secret was finding something to do for those 10 minutes, even just reading escapist books from the library. I spent close to 10 years lying down reading fiction and only occasionally getting up to eat or pee. But at least I was alive for my child. The reading gave me a break from the 'cyclic thinking' and 'what if' - ing Over time I found more things to do with time - adult colouring for a while, zentangles (which you can google), listening to music sometimes, researching recipes and trying them out (often freezing the results in single serves for the times I had no motivation to cook), finding nice places in nature to just sit and breath, breathing exercises and mindfulness activities - your psychologist or therapist should be able to show you some of these. Over time I picked up crochet which I'd learnt as a child, free on-line art and writing courses were good too. Coming on the forums has been a real blessing so to speak. Meeting other people with similar experiences and even sometimes being able to support others, not just meet my own needs, is fantastic. Even these days when I have no plans (4 days of the week) I tend to be on here in the mornings and resting, reading or TV in the afternoons. Gardening is excellent too. Even if you have no space for a garden you can do a lot in pots and those vertical gardens they have these days. Lots of people find exercise really helps too. I go to water tai chi these days - it's gentle and I have to completely focus on doing it so other stuff is not in my mind while I'm doing it. Even just finding a household chore to do can pass 10 minutes.
So that's my rave for today @Former-Member it's all about the passing of time. And all these activities are gentle and quiet and allow space for all the feelings to percolate through you. Glad to hear you have support that is helpful. And if you really get preoccupied with s 'ideation' you can self-refer back to hospital - it's always better to go voluntarily than otherwise. It's not an ideal place to really get well, in my opinion, but it keeps you safe and sorts your meds if needed, plus you don't have to cook or anything and they usually have some sort of activity program.
Thinking of you and sending peace and perseverance.
