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30 Years

DecadianSenior Contributor30 Mar 2016, 1:31 pm AEDT

30 Years

Immediately after Easter in 1986 my badly-wired and deeply troubled son went into Juvenile Detention (a prison) and took his own life in July - he was in detention for about 3 months

His whole life was a struggle and I did everything I could - it was really hard and I did most of it alone - and it has left me with PTSD and at this time of year I find myself grieving for weeks and some days it can be really hard.

I don't have regrets about this - or feel guilty - but no one knows the truth about all of this because it was "too upsetting" and so I cannot talk about this with anyone but professional people.

I can get pretty unhappy as winter sets in - and somehow the 30th anniversary seems more painful -

Time does pass - and my grief does ease - but it never goes away

Decadian

33 replies

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In response to: 30 Years

DecadianSenior Contributor12 Apr 2016, 12:43 am AEST

Re: 30 Years

Hi Apple

Reading through what I have written about my son - and your responses - gave me a strange feeling. It was as if I was reading someone else's story.

This was a story about an unhappy boy - and I got caught up and suddenly thought "Oh - he died!" - and maybe my heart broke a bit more and some of the grief could leak out and maybe I might feel a bit better.

You have helped so much - we can't be the only people out there with these stories - I am sure other people will read them and maybe find some consolation here.

We can hope so

Decadian

In response to: 30 Years

JoJo73Contributor12 Apr 2016, 8:38 pm AEST

Re: 30 Years

Hi @Decadian,

Whilst I don't know about the grief of losing a child, I do know a thing or two, about grief. I lost a partner in a hit and run 8 years ago.
I don't agree that time heals, I think we just get better at dealing with the sorrow. All we can do is get help, seek support and keep "riding those waves!!"

Hope you are staying upright.
Cheers,
Jo.

In response to: Re: 30 Years

DecadianSenior Contributor12 Apr 2016, 9:14 pm AEST

Re: 30 Years

Hi Jo - I am sorry you lost you partner so violently - I can't imagine that

I do get better at dealing with grief - we learn to live around it - I can't imagine ever losing the scar left behind from my son's death - but it is so long and so deep that some kind of healing had to take place or I would still be the broken woman I was for some years after my son died.

But when I reflect on what you have written I may have meant something else - I had no support when my son died - and my resentment toward other family members is something that had to go away - had to heal - if that makes sense.

It was not healthy - and even though we can accept certain things - change certain things - there are also things that we have to accept.

I think I probably meant by time healing.

Cheers

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