How do I trust again ?

Since breaking my ankle, my husband has stepped up and helped out a lot with both helping me get around and with house work. We have been seeing a marriage councillor for over 12 months, and lately things have been better between us.

Our last individual session we were both asked what we really wanted in our relationship. My husband wants a deep emotional connection, intamacy, and eventually a sexual relationship (both of us know that’s a long way off).

I want the same things, only when my husband tries to get close I can’t stop thinking about the argument that

led us to be in councilling in the first place. My father had just died, I had a huge falling out with my SIL and when I confided in my husband, he chose to side with her.

Something in me broke that night and I just can’t get it back. I fell out of love with him in that very instant that he sided with her and I feel that love is lost forever. My husband has tried to make things better, but he still can’t answer why he chose her that night, why he didn’t support me. To say I am deeply hurt would be a massive understatement, and I’m still not sure he understands just how deeply he hurt me.

How do I trust that he will never do that to me again, that when the next big disaster strikes that his first reaction is to not choose me.

Our councillor has been trying to make my husband understand just how wrong he was, but even he has been left scratching his head a few times when my husband has obviously just not got it.

We have one more individual session before we take a break from councilling, our councillor thinks we’re in a good

place to take a couple of months break. Husband agrees because he thinks everything is going great but I feel like I’m still teetering on the edge of staying or going.

During our last session, the councilor asked if I felt things were better, I said yes, I feel like they are, particularly with the help my husband has given me. He then asked if I felt my husband

was a better man now compared to when we started counciling - and my honest answer was that I wasn’t sure. He is better in some respects, but on the big issues that really matter, I’m not so sure. Nothing dramatic has happened that can prove either way wether he’s really changed or not.

I feel like everything will unravel when we won’t have the support of our councillor, I definitely feel like I’m not ready to go it alone. I kind of feel like I’m in limbo. I just don’t know how to trust him enough to love him again.

Anyone else been in a situation where to move forward they have to forgive and forget, and how did you possibly do it?