Sharing my life with Ms Sophie (Bipolar II)

Hi @Former-Member Thankyou so much I'm feeling very sad tonight .. my MsS has been very depressed of late and I felt I had to confront her today about reaching out for more supports and that it wasn't fair to expect me or her best friend to be everything for her - she keeps refusing to organise a psychologist or counsellor or a support group of some sort - she occasionally sees a trauma therapist and she sees her psychiatrist but that is literally it ... no reading about her condition ... no nothing - I feel like she acts as if she is so isolated and alone when nothing could be further from the truth - it seems to me she is choosing to be miserable and not showing much interest her own wellbeing or improvement - it make me so angry and frustrated and I feel the pressure of having to point this out - I ended up saying so do you want to organise more support or do you want me to do it for you because I will ... she then rung up and made an appointment with her gp for tomorrow to get a referral to see a psychologist who is at our local medical centre .. geez I hope she is good ... so exhausting to have to have that conversation ... so much silence - I had to push for a response ... and she was like has our best friend said something -- I was like no .. then she was like you would be better off without me ... and are you angry with me ... I told her that response was exactly proof that her thought patterns were distorted and she needed help from a professional with her daily thought patterns and challenges - and that that wasn't the psychiatrists role - and that psychiatrist and medication wasn't enough support ... I challenged her that if I was seeing a psychologist she sure as $&& should be ... I told her she was acting as if she was the only one ever to suffer and that it wasn't true ...

Darcy I'm tired I'm sad I'm teary i feel like running / it's hard today very hard

@Sophie1

Trust the gp visit is successful and psychologist is able to help. Sounds a familiar story.

Thanks @Determined I'm at a loss - I really feel like running away and am upset that it's always me that has to force myself to go to work and function and be responsible

Hey @Sophie1,

That sounds like an incredibly challenging conversation. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so stuck and desperate right now that you feel like running away. I hope it helps getting to express how you're going here on the forums. We're sitting with you 🌻

Yikes @Sophie1 being the responsible one = tiring

Sending gentle thoughts your way.

Understand that emotion well @Sophie1

I think it is important to take breaks when you can like your recent weekend away. And have little moments for you (easier said than done I know).

That was part of my motivation for getting a motorbike. Escaping for some me time.

And a little rebellion. Everything was always about someone else. The bike was for me and something I always wanted but was never allowed to have.

Is there anything achievable that you could do just for you?

@Determined I will have to think about that but resonates with me and is a good idea

@Sophie1

Do you think Ms S understands the purpose of therapy? I don't think that Mr D did. After expressing some emotions around his cancer diagnosis I suggested that speaking to a counselor from the cancer council might be worthwhile and he has actually done this. I don't know what he talks to them about but I feel that whatever strategies he learns will help in relation to his BPii.

I really like this from 'The Last Psychiatrist' (Dr Chris Ballas)

Psychopharmacology without therapy is treating an infection with Tylenol.

Medications do not cure a psychiatric disease; we’re not even sure what the disease actually is. What they can do is reduce symptoms, give you strength—so that you can learn new behaviors. That’s the point of medications. Treating depression with an antidepressant is not the solution; it’s the preliminary step in allowing you to figure out how to handle depression later on. The adaptation, the adjustment, the physical altering of brain functioning is done by new learning, often this is therapy (though it doesn’t have to be.) I’m not saying therapy is that great, or necessary, either. I’m simply saying that trying to improve a person’s long term status using medications alone without some sort of education and training is a waste of time. It is maybe the most profound disservice of all to tell a patient that their depressive or bipolar symptoms are the result of biology or chemical imbalances and thus absolve them of the responsibility of learning new ways of interpreting and coping with their environment.

Thanks @Former-Member good question - I'm not sure what MsS thinks a therapist is for - all I know is when I try to have these conversations about her self care or support systems she becomes silent and defensive and I feel like any real communication becomes impossible - it's like the adult MsS leaves the room and I'm left with a belligerent child who doesn't want to cooperate or be responsible or honest and open a it what's really going on and take any kind of ownership - I really feel like she'd like to hide for the rest of her life or worse .. and what worries me is that maybe she is not capable of changing and also I feel the hiding overwhelmed vibes invading my own psyche - working from home is a double edged sword - I'm feeling a little trapped and hopeless and unappreciated -- I just can't fathom being in MsS shoes and not doing anything concrete about it .. it makes me wild with anger sometimes - why should I work so hard to make a living and keep my career current and able to support us when she just sleeps most days away and leans on her endless headaches a migraines as excuses to take more medication and numb herself even more - I'm really not feeling very empathetic at the moment at all - cooking a lasagne is nice and doing the gardening is nice but it's the other thousand things she doesn't do that is getting old .. dishes , washing , vacuuming , cleaning showers ... am I really supposed to do everything !!!?!?!?!?!? It seems like a cruel joke sometimes ,.. then she wonders why I don't I feel like a cuddle ?!?!?