Hi @Former-Member @frog @Teej @Nay69 @Shaz51 @Mazarita @Adge @jess_27 and anyone else still following this post. I've wanted to respond for over a week but wasn't up to it until now. Hoping this discussion continues. I have bipolar 1 and complex PTSD. For me the main obstacles to relationships off-line (IRL) are trust and self-esteem (after a long history of abusive relationships and traumatic events). And with some people I agree it's necessary to have boundaries (e.g. my mother, who has triggered hypomania in the past). I was a disability carer at home for 18 years and in my massage therapy work for over 25 years and it took me several years after diagnosis to be able to put my mental health self-care needs above the habit of putting myself aside and taking on the other person's needs completely.
I don't have many friends IRL but the ones I do I treasure and do my best not to vent too many of my problems with them. Another challenge, especially for meeting potential new friends, is that I'm still not independently mobile and depend on support workers to get out mostly.
I live with my brother and sister-in-law in a cabin in their back yard so maintaining a good relationship with them is essential. It's a balance between showing a genuine interest in what's going on for them, sharing honestly about what's going on for me, giving them space when they need it, and socializing with them when invited to do so. The last part can be tricky as it sometimes coincides with me wanting to withdraw but if I can put my big girl pants on and get out with them I mostly enjoy it and am getting a little less social anxiety over time as I know I am safe with them nearby. They do introduce me to a wide range of good people, but again I don't want to talk about MH stuff with new people and a lot of the time it's my primary focus and it's hard to talk about anything else so I am quiet, mostly a fringe dweller when there's a gathering. The hardest is when we go somewhere where there's a crowd of unknown people, especially venues like pubs for live music. Too much potential for unpredictable behaviours by others.
But on-line is very different, particularly here in the forums where we are anonymous. It's far easier to be completely open and even vulnerable at times. And good for me to be called to support others with what they are going through sometimes too. And good to practice conversation and find more positive ways of seeing things sometimes.
Then theres 'friends' on fb - it's been a good way of staying connected to broader family and reconnecting with friends from the past and occasionally meeting new people that I have a good rapport with. But it's easy to disappear 'down the rabbit hole' as my brother calls it, and spend too much time reading posts that have no relevance in my life.
One of the boundaries for me is not having 'disclosure' about my mental health or troubled past with anyone unless it's specifically relevant to what's being discussed and I feel safe that they won't disclose to anyone else. That gets hard sometimes, knowing family knows my diagnoses and discusses me when I'm not present, but I have to accept that mostly that is because they really care and maybe need support themselves in order to better support me. But it's a fine line between being encouraged by them versus being pressured.
This is a great thread with lots of food for thought. Thanks for starting it @Former-Member and @jess_27. Hoping it will continue.
