I just want to drive and drive and never come back

I’m just so sick and tired of all the bullshit. I hate my life, I hate myself, I just want to drive away and leave it all behind me.

I’m tired of having the same old arguments over and over. Just when I think my shitty marriage is taking a step forward something happens and it all just falls into a massive pile of crap again. It’s like I’ve given my husband the recipe on what hurts me the most and he’s following every step.

I feel like every arsehole that has hurt me in my life did it for their own pleasure, and now I’m questioning wether my husband is getting some kind of pleasure too by hurting me, how’s he any different?

My mums memory/dementia is rapidly progressing, and we just seem to get on top of a health issue when another issue crops up.

I’m soooo tired. I don’t ever want to go home, I don’t want to do anything anymore. I just don’t want to exist. Im sick of crying in the shower, sick of crying alone in the car, sick of crying myself to sleep every night all the while plastering on the “everything’s fine” happy face for everyone else’s benefit.

I want to scream and yell, punch and kick just so someone, anyone can help me. I just want to sleep