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Help with boundry statagies

Help with boundry statagies

Hi, I need some advice or strategies to cope with my 20 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression a little while ago. She was on anti depressants but decided she didn't want to be on them anymore. I can not get her back to the drs. She makes erratic decisions and then expects me to clean up after her. I find it very hard to say no to her, there's a mothers guilt and also the emotional blackmail or cutting herself or suicide (which I'm scared will become a reality). She wants me at her beck and call 24/7 and we end up arguing if I am at work/sleeping/doing something that I can't answer her as soon as she calls (some mornings i wake up to 50 or 60 missed calls and then abusive texts). Explaning does nothing, she is irrational. Her father won't talk to her any more she does the same to him, she has only me and I'm scared if i stop she will have no one, but I think I'm also enabling her and I need to set boundries.....any suggestions with strategies are welcome. I'm at my wits end. Thank you 😊

132 replies

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In response to: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

All ok here at the moment @Janiee

It has been a bit of a tough week. Mum in law went to hospital last weekend by ambulance and I have been a bit down and on edge.

She is hoping to come home tomorrow but not sure yet if that will be possible.

Darling is coping relatively well considering.

More detail on my thread but MIL has cancer and has reached palliative care stage 🙁

I have been making progress in tameing our garden which has been a good distraction.

How are things with your daughter.

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

@Janiee everything ok?

Thinking of you.

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

Had a bad night last night. My daughter rang just as i was dishing tea out to tell me she had no food and said "what should i do?" Her car is on the shop atm so she can't drive and it was raining. It annoyed me that she would have known about this issue earlier in the day but left it till 7.30 to ring about it. She is also waiting for a new key card so she can't use eftpos atm. I went through some options, to which I got, "do you think I haven't thought of that?"

I just can not believe how a phone call about something seemingly such an easy fix, degenerated into threats of self harm (non perminent and permanent).

Apparently I got her worked up as all she wanted was "emotional support". She asked me several times, what was she sposed to do, so I'm lost as to how I worked her up by giving her options. I have no idea what she thinks is emotional support. I don't even think she truely knows. I think she she has this chocolate box perfect idea of life and if its not picture perfect...its crap.

She goes on and on about you don't check to see how i am, you don't just ring me for no reason, quite frankly I dread her calls, they drain me, I'm watching what I say so as not to set her off. I'd love to just ring or text her, but 9 times out of 10 it degenerates. I can't remember the last time she rang me to just see how I am, but I'm the bad guy. My whole life, at the moment, is based around her, worrying, phone calls, texts, car problems, friends and family drama that she has created, money problems, but still she thinks I don't care.

All of her abusive behavior, apparently, I just have to accept as she has no control over it, but she wants me to change how I am to suit her.

Ok, rant over lol. Thank you @Determined and @Former-Member, I really do appreciate your input and support x

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

Feeling for you @Janiee 😕

Your daughter and my darling seem alike in so many ways.

Trust today is a better day for you.

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

Thank you @Determined, I live in eternal hope that each day will be better than the last for all of us x

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

@Janiee

Thinking of you and trust there have been no big dramas for you today.

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

Wishing the same for you @Determined 😊

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

@Janiee

Quick check in,

Trust all is as well as it can be for you and your family.

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

@Janiee

Quick check in. Thinking of you.

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

@Janiee have not seen you around for a bit but think of you often and trust all is well as can be in your camp.

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