Help with boundry statagies

@Janiee, sending you lots of tender hugs

@Janiee

Thinking of you tonight.

Oh dear @Janiee

I have only just read our posts.

You have really been through the wringer with her.

I know well the fear that one time might be attention seeking ... and another not ...

You did what you thought was necessary at the time. Maybe she has realised the benefits of a gym membership. I have gone through similar things where they realise much later that an idea really did have their best interests at heart.

The Boundary I would go for is: "yes, gyms can be great, but no money is flowing" when so many basic things like respect and planned living is not rating in the conversation and behaviour.

Take Care

Apple

Thank you all ❤. Feeling so drained, even today. I need to take my cup of cement I think. She had tried to call me a couple of times yesterday, but I haven't answered her. Just so angry and upset, I wouldn't be so angry if she could just see why I did what I did and how worried she is making people who love her.

I think that is a great idea @Appleblossom , the thing is I don't mind paying for the gym, but I need to know 1. Thats where the money is going (bit suss on that atm) 2. She won't just go once and I'm forking out for 6 months 3. A bit of gratitude would be nice. So I'm thinking it'll be a big NO in regards to the gym for the time being.

Anyway, got asked into work today, so hopefully a busy day will keep me occupied.

Thank you for the love and advise xx @Appleblossom @Determined @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

@Janiee

I paid for a gym membership for my son for a year. He used it and it helped educate him about the body, and he chose yoga rather than body building. SO we both learned. I learned about my son's choices which was good even if effort was mild, so I stopped paying. In my mind it was still a winwin.

Children growing up feeling entitled to special things without showing some basic respect tends to allow them to feel they can treat others poorly. It is a hard line to walk. Take Care

I think yoga would be better for her too, but she says she has no one to go with (more excuses). Definately understand the entitled comment. She mistakes me wanting to help take the pressure off her a little and make sure she has food for.....ohhh Mum will pay for EVERYTHING! Then massive fights occur when I say no. Thats a work in progress and I am getting better at saying no. I've got to get over trying to make or keep her happy, its hard, as I like to make people happy. I'll get there lol xx @Appleblossom

Also, had a call from her today, which I answered eventually, happy as larry, even got an i love you at the end....what the?? How can she go from how she was the other night, abusive call yesterday and then this today....i can't keep up....

@Janiee

Yes the mother in us is deeply primed to care and work for our children's happiness. Glad she was kinder today.

Yikes @Janiee , knowing how to handle the seesawing mood swings and being firm with boundaries ... especially when they take a while to be understood, consistency a key.

Perhaps when our loved ones are actively involved in treatment we tend to be a little more forgiving.

I have had to report Mr Darcy as missing to police 4 times, once he rang me within hours, another police intercepted him at an airport as we suspected he would be heading that way, but twice he was properly missing, either psychotic, suicidal or both. Fortunately his interactions with police have been calm, it becomes concerning when they are not.

The interaction with the police was calm I think, it was just her phone call to me that was abusive. I wish they would have taken her in for an EEO but unless they keep her for week for any medication to take effect, it will come to nothing.

I am so sorry any of us have to go through this, but I am grateful for all your advice that you have all lived through xx @Former-Member @Appleblossom @Determined @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope

❤️ @Janiee