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Explaining to loved ones

Beatrix73Contributor14 Mar 2016, 8:29 pm AEDT

Explaining to loved ones

I am strugglying with depression and anxiety and have been for 8 years. I was medicated and doingvwell but fell pregnant and stopped medication, Pregnancy for me means im at my healthiest bith mentally and physically so until bub arrived i was great.
My issue is the my mum who is an extrenely negative and judgemental person kept telling me id get post natal depression. Bub is now 3 months old and im strugglying and cant be medicated due to breastfeeding.
Sorry to ramble but my questionbis about trying to help loved ones understand this is not a choice... anong many other cruel comments the one that tipped me over from mum was wgen id invited them to dinner but was told she would only come if i "behaved".
Do i just cut her out? Or try to get her to understand? I cant put myself in that position anymore but do i have the right by doing thst to restrict the relationship between her and my kids (i also have 3 teens).
I have no idea how i would explain myself to her and my dad...
Advice and experiences please..

3 replies

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In response to: Explaining to loved ones

Unknown userMember14 Mar 2016, 8:47 pm AEDT

Re: Explaining to loved ones

Hi @Beatrix73

i'm so sorry your mum is behaving in such an unsupportive way 😞 I'm also wantng to contratulate you on your new bub 😄

There is no easy way to describe to other people what its like to have depression and anxiety and i do believe that not everyone is open to actually hearing and listening, especially about people that they believe they 'know better than anyone else' kind of...

Have you got other support, like a partner or close friends who do understand what youre going through and can help you feel better about yourself and keep you going at the moment? If not PANDA might be a good place to email or phone for some advice (actually even if you do have support, they might have ideas on how to keep the relationship with your mum at appropriate boundaries for you)...

I dont have any contact with any of my family. My mother did visit once after i had my daugther and i was giving her a cruskit and i did it all wrong, what was wrong with me? She couldnt even see the topping i'd put on it, was i worried i would make my 1 year old fat, was i being a freak? Amongst a whole heap of other nasties over the two day period! that wasnt why i ended up stopping contact but part of the reason. Whatever choice you make, its up to you, though it does get complicated with older children and relationships i can only imagine!

here listening,

take care,

In response to: Explaining to loved ones

Beatrix73Contributor14 Mar 2016, 8:52 pm AEDT

Re: Explaining to loved ones

My partner is strugglying to understand but is supportive. As for panda im lost with what they do? Their website took me here and im not sure what more they do.

In response to: Re: Explaining to loved ones

Unknown userMember14 Mar 2016, 9:08 pm AEDT

Re: Explaining to loved ones

They have a phone line and counsellors on hand who can help with advice and referral to services in your area i think. this is from apage on their site:

What happens when I call PANDA?

You can call The National Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Helpline on 1300 726 306 Monday-Friday 10am - 5pm (AEST)

Your call will be answered by a counsellor who will seek some basic contact details and ask a few questions about what prompted you to call the Helpline and about your own and your baby’s immediate safety. While you can choose to remain anonymous most of our callers don’t. From here the call unfolds for you as a storytelling experience. We want to understand what you are concerned about and how it is affecting you and your family.

If all counsellors are on calls you are encouraged to leave a brief message on the answering machine and you will receive a call back as soon as possible within the same day.

The first call

The first call is about listening to your story. The telephone counsellor will provide you with a safe confidential space for you to talk openly and honestly about your thoughts, feelings and experiences around pregnancy and parenthood. We will explore what supports you currently have in place and whether you would benefit from others.

PANDA maintains a database of perinatal service providers to help find you the support you need as close to you as possible. The counsellor will develop an action plan including referrals, ideas and strategies that will help support you.

hope that helps alittle?

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