directly There have been people like this in my life @Nay69. The defence I found took a little bit of working out, and patience, but it worked ......
This is what I suggest .....
Limit the time you spend in their company as much as you can. They are in a state where they damage others, and need a stronger influence than simply socialising with them to change their behaviour, so you will likely just get hurt trying, and be feeding their “power trip” in the process. You need to try to keep them in your mental “ naughty corner” on a time out.
Be extremely polite in their company, but in a sterile, formal way. The politeness is above criticism ..... what can she say ? “ She was extremely polite to me, and I didn’t like it .... “ ??
The most she can do under those circumstances is to mock you, which just makes her look ridiculous and petty.
If she says nasty things about your appearance, tell yourself that she’s not getting a Christmas card from you this year, and try to ignore the unwise behaviour, or simply respond with, “Thank you.” She won’t know what to make of that .... and if she asks why you said thank you, you can complete your sentence with “..... for offering an opinion about my appearance.” In doing so you are highlighting the fact that it is AN opinion amongst many possible opinions, an unsolicited one. and one not necessarily worth listening to ..... an move away with a quiet air of dignity ..... poker-faced. Again, the worst she can do is mock you, which she is already doing, and you can ignore that innapropriately childish behaviour.
These are are just suggestions, but if others in your work environment take your cue, she will find that instead of getting under everyone’s skin, she is constantly met with a wall of indifference.
If you do choose to deal with her this way, I would suggest not mentioning it directly to anyone else in the workplace, because workplace gossip can take it back to her that you are using this strategy, and she will likely target you even more vindictively. If anyone asks you, you can simply and honestly say that you try not to let unhelpful comments get under your skin, and remain professional about workplace relationships. It’s another way to subtlety highlight the problem, while holding it away from you like the smelly rag that it is.
I hope this helps. If it’s not a solution that suits you, it might promote your own thinking to come up with a response that isolates the behaviour, and creates a shield against its darts for yourself.
💜
our kids.
