I’m so bitter and pi$$ed off, feeling sorry for myself

Today, for the first time in 40years I’ve confronted the absolute horror of my childhood.

How dare these people steal my life and leave such a screwed up f###ing mess behind. I’m so angry and hurt I just want to scream.

I just want to punch a hole in something, drink myself stupid, sleep, cry and rage, but I have no energy to do any of it.

I feel filthy and disgusting, I want to claw at my skin but nothing is ever going to get them out.

I want to know what gives these people (a word I use VERY loosely) the right to do the sick twisted f###ed up things they did and then carry on with their lives like nothing ever happened, like I never mattered.

What did I ever do to deserve this?? I feel so helpless, so damn sad and pathetic.