Struggling to find motivation to keep going

Glad you are clear about directions @Former-Member. Go for it, obsess and get the details right and love being in that head space. Once it is done who know what the opportunities will be.

Hi @Former-Member

Thanks for your post,

It really sounds like you are distressed at the moment and not feeling to great.

Have you called your psychologist back and asked to make another appointment? It may be a good idea to do this and talk to her about the memory gaps and the of the noises in your head as well as the concerns you have about visiting your family.

Remember if you wanted to talk to someone or if the feelings get too much to call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Suicide Callback service on 1300 659 467.

Hope you feel better soon, let us know how you're going.

Outlanderali

I often have difficulty with time elapsed. Sometimes I panic because I think I have lost an hour, a day or a week. Which is why I try and keep commitments low, so I can get around to them steadily rather than in a state of intense anxiety.

Are you sure the psych was not late. I used to be so anxious I would presume professionals would not be there or it was my imagination that we made appointment etc ... so now I write everything in my diary. My level of fear of rejection would have me uncertain about how loud to knock etc.

I may have blown it socially last night with one lady who was saying she wanted the conductor to come down on us like a ton of bricks. I disagreed, but she was insistent, and very used to her own authority, so I was emphatic and then a bit uninhibited in my response as I have long witnessed the issues, and felt she was extending herself into an area that wasnt her area of expertise.

Most of my score of interactions of the evening were very pleasant and convivial intelligent and heart felt.

I hope you manage through the family visit, and find positive things that engage you enough so that you keep present.

@Former-Member thought I couldnt keep up with the music in my different choirs, but that wasnt quite the issue, I was being bullied and then not supported by the 2 presidents who incidentally are a psychiatrist and an educator with state wards. Music is what I need to be grounded, the more the better. It keeps my mind, my feelings and my time organised.

I have most respect for people who can admit their mistakes and am fortunate to be working with people at a high level of skill. That is satisfying. I dont want to influence you to withdraw too much when your sense of meaning might be lost.

We do need to be able to manage our commitments, and trim them if necessary, but it is often social issues that tip the scales. My deal is that I am always polite, but if people cant be decent to me I am giving myself permission to be me, in my fullness, and not in my fear.

Sorry if that is an off topic ramble ... I was trying to relate to your circumstances @Former-Member in my weird way. Hope you are ok.

Hi @Former-Member

Did you you manage to see family? Glad you are interested in your daughter's days.

Do you do anything to anchor yourself in your body?

They say you have to be comfortable in your skin.

Take care . I just a quick request for dinner... kids do keep us grounded.

Hi @Former-Member

I'm really sorry to read about your experiences lately - it must be scary not knowing what is real and what was a flashback.

Have you made another appointment with your psychologist?

There are some grounding techniques some forum members have shared on the forums before, which you might like to make a list of and have handy for those times when you feel like you're not present.

They include:

Using your 5 sense - saying outloud:

5 things you can see

5 things you can touch

5 things you can smell

5 things you can hear

5 things you can taste

Doing a body scan:

Conciously thinking about each muscle in your body, starting at your toes and working your way up. Think of the body part/muscle and squeeze it (eg: wiggle your toe, point your feet, tighten your calf), then move to the next body part.

Monitor and control your breathing:

Take a breath in for 4 seconds and breathe out for 4 seconds and repeat. If you like using apps, ReachOut created a great app (just search for ReachOut Breathe in the app store), which helps you focus and control your breathing.

Are you feeling safe tonight?

Would you consider giving any of these strategies a go?