Everything has changed so much and I'm lost... ((sorry long post))

hello @Crazy_Bug_Lady@TAB

I remember seeing you about the place @Crazy_Bug_Lady ...do not know your story..

that does not matter the story part..

the you part does matter though....

yes @TAB you matter and led me here..

whatever the appointments are which I hope are helpful...you are a part of here whichever thread you relate to whether it be this one...another one already happening or one that you start...you do matter..

so speak.....

this will make sense as the years go by..attempting to not sound corny...

@Crazy_Bug_Lady I have been doing DBT for 6 months now but it took me several months to feel comfortable doing it. I am glad I stuck with it though as I can see the benefits of doing it. It is not for me a 'quick fix' it is more about learning new skills to deal with life. As with everything, the more you do and the more you practiice those skills the easier they become. I didn't take much in for the first couple of months so be patient when you do begin DBT as it may all seem a bit overwhelming to begin with. Keep us informed on how the first appointment with the new psych goes

Hey @Crazy_Bug_Lady

Good to see you,

....even though its here on Sane Forum and we all go through some very torrid times.

I often think of you when thinking about bugs ....for some strange reason ...lol

eg.,

in the garden etc

I hope the DBT works out for you. It might help with negative self talk. Give it time.

Thank you guys so much for your kind words.

Had the first appointment today with the new psychologist. She seems nice enough. I managed to explain what been happening the last few months and then broke down because she said that what I really need is stability and support, and my team leaving is pretty much the opposite. I do fully understand why they're leaving me, but it's still hard. And hearing someone say it out loud made me feel like how I feel is justified.

She tried to ask about my childhood and stuff but I was too upset to talk, so she didn't push it.

She's asked to see me fortnightly.

I am feeling very fragile at the moment. So tired and every little thing is setting me off. Ended up SH'ing. I hate that I managed to last so long, and in the last 7 days it's been pretty constant.

I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with the CMH lady. So worried about it. Why does she suddenly want to see me? Does this mean I'm getting transferred??

And then on Wednesday my social support worker is planning on taking me to a social anxiety support group. I really don't know if I can so it... I don't know if I can do three days in a row of this.

I'm so sorry for babbling.

Babble away @Crazy_Bug_Lady .... although it's not really babbling ..... it's putting a voice to your fears and concerns, and that is one way to help to stop them from spinning so fast in your head ..... it's owning that they are there and are frightening and confusing. I am so pleased you are back. It sounds like you could really use the community here as a support. For me, the biggest support was just in somebody else knowing .... somebody hearing me .... and we hear you.

There are some strategies that can be used to help to calm your system when everything feels really overwhelming. I was in hospital overnight at the beginning of the year with what turned out to be a new and different form of stress attack .... and the specialist told me that when we take some deep breaths, it helps to regulate the fight-or-flight response that is causing a flood of adrenaline and making our physical body system really reactive, which in turn depresses our emotions. That is not a cure-all, and in no way intended to invalidate the bigger issues going on with depression and anxiety ..... it's just an in-the-moment strategy that can help to keep our blood pressure from skyrocketing and giving us head spin, shortness of breath, and headaches.

Another one is grabbing a piece of ice and holding it in your hand, perhaps passing it from hand to hand, until it melts. It's a mindfulness activity - maybe you have heard it before ? But sometimes we forget too, and a reminder can help.

Hugs, hugs and more hugs .... please keep posting when and as you feel, and try to over-ride any feelings of embarrassment if you stop for a few days, week, months, or years. It's always good to see someone return when they need support, or even just to say hi. I think once we have "known" someone here, they tend to stay with us in heart and mind, whether posting or not ......

Social supports take a lot of time to earn our trust and social anxiety makes a lot of sense when starting out with new groups and people.

Gently Bently @Crazy_Bug_Lady

Tears for those in suffering

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom

After three days of appointments (new psych Monday, cmh yesterday and support worker today) I am mentally drained. My poor Dad asked how I was today when he got home from work and was a bit surprised when I completely broke down... Started out just loudly sobbing but ended up in a full blown panic attack. He's not seen a panic attack before so that was a bit scary for him, and his first reaction is to hug me which makes it worse...

As I've moved districts the CMH I've been seeing will need to finish up with me soon, but can't give a timeframe. And the new district CMH is quite full so theres a decent chance once the old CMH finishes with me I'll have nothing... Meaning I'll lose the support worker too.

Today support worker took me to a social anxiety support group. I hated it the first time I went, but today wasn't as bad. Different people I guess. Also really hard because I know I'm gonna lose her, and I find it so hard to ask for help and I have only just gotten used to her visiting and helping me with stuff...

Three days in a row of completely draining stuff was a very bad idea...

SH is out of control... (trying to explain without details) I've always used a spot that is harder to hide, which has kept me from doing too much damage... But I gave in to it and started somewhere far easier to hide and now I am almost afraid of what I'll do.

Hi @Crazy_Bug_Lady .... 💕

I was headed to bed, but took another check-in here on the way because I don't have classes in the morning and I have been missing forum friends ..... and I have caught your post.

Thanks for sharing with us what you are going through. I think it is important to keep the dialogue open as it supports others who struggle with similar issues to talk about it too, and God knows, we need heightened community awareness, empathy and support .....

Re the SH. I know I can't fix that for you, but I am hoping some suggestions might be helpful. It's an addictive behaviour - you know that already, right ? As with other addictions, there are options to help you break the cycle.

One of those is keeping yourself accountable to others, so when you are struggling with the urge to harm yourself, consider making a deal with yourself that you will try to stay in the company of other people (like your Dad) to give the urge the chance to pass.

Try the ice-holding activity, maybe ....

You will know the elastic band on the wrist snapping, I guess ....

Counting backwards from 100 and physically pacing out steps as you do is another strategy ..... anything really that distracts and gives you an alternative focus.

You are already aware that it can be dangerous for you, and you are recognising that the boundary has shifted and is blurry, so please try to reach out for help in those moments to keep the boundaries, or new and different boundaries, in check. That might mean calling a 24/7 helpline ..... something to create space, accountability, a diversion.

Hugs and hugs Hon.

Hearing you ... sitting with you in my thoughts.

💜💗