Happy Mental Health Week

@appleblossum@outlander@faith-and-hope

I appreciate your understanding and kind words.

You have helped me get my heart and head around this and I thank you x💐

All the people in this forum are so wonderful and caring ❤️ Big hugs for reaching out to me when I needed you all

Please keep reaching out @Nay69 .... the forums have been a Godsend for me. My situation was so socially isolating, and I am guessing there is a strong element of that happening for you too. We are here for you, and just having people to talk to who understand at least the sort of feelings you are going through (even though our circumstances and reasons can vary widely) can make such a huge difference in terms of personal validation.

This, in turn, can help us begin to think and see things more clearly, and can help us make the hard decisions, whatever they may be. It is also important to invest yourself in self-care activities .... and this is the first thing I ramp up when the going gets tough again. It helps to counterweigh the frustration and confusion, and the heavy-heartedness that travels at the core of difficult situations.

Keep swimming Hon .... all in the pond together here ....

💜🌹

@Faith-and-Hope@Appleblossom@outlander@Sophia1

I will continue to reach out now that I know you are here to lift me up when I’m in need of support and just having someone to talk to about things that mr doesn’t want to hear about and and my daughter doesn’t need to deal with.

I know that mr has some very serious mental issues of his own... I have lived with it long enough to see there is a major problem.

I have been giving everything that you have all said a great deal of thought over the past 24 hours and I understand that I need to be more compassionate towards him. He also has no idea that what he is doing is taking such a toll on the family unit.

To give you a background on him....

his father abandoned him as a baby and he lived with his mother who was more interested in her boyfriends than her own son.

when he was 7 years old he was put in a boys home because his mother and her then boyfriend had adopted another young boy and could not deal with both of them...

An awful thing to do to your own child. It made him feel that he wasn’t wanted and he would cry himself to sleep every night until he was finally picked up and went back home 8 months later.

His mother had a lot of boyfriends and every one of them would treat him badly.,.force feeding, physically bashed and emotionally tormented frequently.

At the age of 15 his mother simply packed his bags and collected him from school then just dumped him off at some horse stables to work and fend for himself.

From there he has had to support himself and has not always made the best choices at times, what can you expect when you grow up without a father figure as a young man.

My father was the closest person he has ever had in his life as that father figure so when my dad passed, it hit mr very hard..., so much more than any of us could imagine.

His addiction to pot is his coping mechanism and to be honest, it does work for him in the sense that if he has it, he is able to function normally, but without it he spirals out of control.... both frustrating and sad at the same time.

while I cannot condone his behaviour, just trying to see things through his eyes helps me to cope with the madness that my life feels like 😔

I love this man with everything I have but I just want him to seek help for himself. I can’t make him do it, it has to be something that he chooses to do . Does that sound crazy or am I just making excuses to make myself feel better about staying?

Sounds just like my situation @Nay69, except the pot is replaced by an eating disorder addiction ..... but the addiction-based 'out of control" behaviours are there when his daily regimen is interrupted, or not possible, or his e.d. behaviours become at risk of being exposed. We are also living with a far more emotionally removed version of him, because he is so invested in his daily patterns .... and a whole lot of other baggage that I won't go into here. I have a thread going on the Carer's side of the forum, but it is long and winding now ....

My mr. is second generation from war trauma, that I believe (with the wisdom of hindsight) is unresolved in his parents and has rolled forward into his generation of cousins, and now on to some of our kids, in a diluted form, but still present ..... didn't see that coming at all .... 😞

I have an undercurrent of empathy, and have to keep reminding myself that he is unwell, but I am inwardly very tired, and it has been a long time to sit with something that I can't personally resolve .... although I do check in with counsellors every so often to check on my own mental health because this sort of long-term stress brings health issues of it's own.

Going back to study this year has given me something of an out .... I have personal goals to focus on and they have caused a massive re-shuffle of commitments and responsibilities within our family dynamic. My mr. has had to bend to accommodate things, but the kids' welfare is his general concern, not mine .... I think he is just happy I have something else to focus on that gets me off his case. I don't hound him over his choices, but he knows I don't agree with them, so that makes me a "hostile" in his thinking. His focus on the kids crosses into control issues, but we are slowly making headway with all that. The kids have to make their own space with him, and they are, but they have empathy as well.

It's tricky, as you know .....

Hugs 💜

Checking in @Nay69 .... how are you going ?

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

I have had a very busy day but sitting quietly now for some me time👍

I am going okay :ok_hand:

how has your day been my lovely 😊

It's been a relaxed sort of day @Nay69 ... no uni today, but a lot of uni assignments laid out in pieces across the weeks ahead, and I have to fit them all together and into place .... so today has been a sift-and-sort sorta day. It feels like I have achieved something, and that is enough .....

That’s the sort of day that makes me feel happy... the sense that you have achieved something at the end of the day... good for you my lovely 😊.

I am having a nice time just being me and enjoying talking with you.

It’s great to just breathe, amazing how something we all take for granted can give you such a sense of serenity .

just kissed my beautiful girl good night before ❤️ She fills my heart with such love and pride, just wish I could have been there for my boys in the same way but everything happens for a reason I guess.

I will always reach out my friend @Faith-and-Hope.

Thanks for being a wonderful beacon in my night 💐😊❤️