Lonliness

@Beatrix73, you are in the right place, it's just that these forums cover all forms of mental health issues. I had taken from your initial post that it was perhaps post natal depression but don't like making assumptions. Because of the very nature of what comes up on these forums making guesses could cause all sorts of issues.

No matter what our own problem may be, having trouble discussing them with those close to us is very common. Fear is a big reason we don't want say much. We worry about being seen as weak, how they will react, will they understand, will they support or reject us, will it be a burden on them. I know I don't tell my mother much about whats going on simply because I know she will worry too much. I've been horrified in the past to find out that after I've said or done something she loses sleep worrying about me. That's one thing that stops me telling her, or anyone, much at all.

For me I also worry about what happens if I don't say anything to people. Even without them knowing everything, whats going on inside us can still have a big impact on their lives. Something will happen that they can't understand, yet we feel we can't explain it to them.

It's a very confusing & frustrating situation. One I'm yet to figure out - do I say something & how much do I feel 'safe' saying? Most people close to me know I'm bipolar, but I don't think any of them really understands what it means and how it affects my life. Like @Angels333 says, they don't know the half of it. And it's all so difficult to say more, to try to explain.

It's clear you want to be able to discuss this openly with your partner. But like most of us you are reluctant to do it for whatever reason. I have no quick-fix answer for you. Hopefully someone here will be able to give you some suggestions.

One question for you before I finish. How much does your partner know about your ongoing depression & how did you get to discussing that with him? Maybe there is something there that can make it easier to talk about the current situation.

Take care, stay safe.

Yes, saying you're depressed is one thing but being able to explain it is difficult when you don't know the why.

I just hope you're claiming all the hugs from him you can when you feel the need. Even something so simple can help...

Take care @Beatrix73

You have hit the point. Im not claiming hugs, Im actually feeling repulsed by touching of any sort, even from my children.

Ive even wondered if Ive lost the ability to love...

@Beatrix73 that is something I can relate to very much. I had a long time where I just couldn't handle physical contact. I loved my kids & it was heartbreaking to see their faces when I just couldn't let them crawl into my lap to cuddle up like they once did. I couldn't even sleep in the same bed with my then wife.

But over time things changed. I don't know if it was my treatment or just a change in my emotions. Eventually I was able to start the little things again. Sadly now that I'm in a position to reciprocate affection I have no-one to share it with.

So I think your ability to love is still there, just being restrained by other emotions right now. It will come out again.

Take care.

I hope not @Beatrix73

I'm alone now because the love, care and understanding wasn't there from the other side. It hadn't been for a long time. And once I was single the thought of socialising & maybe finding someone else never appealed to me. I could probably find someone if I made the effort, but I just don't.

It sounds like your partner loves & cares for you. That makes a world of difference.

Take care.

Post natal depression has been around for centuries thank our lucky stars that women are not put in mental institutes like they were a century ago. It's often called the baby blues because it's a mixture of happiness and overwhelming hormones and emotions that scream out...oh my god this baby is totally dependant on me the mother 24/7 for food, love and safety. It affects a lot of women and is just a blimp in your child and your life.

17 years ago when I gave birth via a horrific Caesar that I felt cutting open my stomach in delivery of my daughter and then carpal tunnel in my wrists spiralled me into PND for about 6 months. I went to my gp and was given medication. Now it's just a distant memory overall with more happy memories of my daughters first year on this earth.

Enjoy the smell of your new baby. Let the older children help with the care of the baby and seek support from family, friends, maternal health nurse, forums like sane etc.

Hey @Beatrix73, just checking in to see how you're travelling. Hope everything is going ok.

Take care, stay safe.