Informing the family and loved ones

Wow @BlueBay, almost every time I read one of your posts I learn something new about you, your past & thoughts. Makes some of my issues seem trivial at times.

It's so hard for many to open up and tell people about things, especially those closest to us. A lot of it is fear of their reaction. We can spend days, weeks, months or even years creating images of how it will go. And when we finally work up courage to say something it can be quite shocking or disturbing when they don't react as expected. It can range from acceptance & support through total indifference to outright rejection, not only of the illness but sometimes you as a person too.

It seems we're seeing some of the extremes in this thread. @Former-Member got the best result from close friends being loving, caring, supportive & willing to learn to be part of her support network. The best it can be.

Sadly both @Former-Member & @BlueBay seem to go towards the other end of the spectrum when it comes to parents. Hopefully over time things can be changed but one day you may need to decide what is more important - their acceptance or your own well-being.

I still love the idea of being ready & willing to educate people you do tell. Giving them an opportunity to learn something of what you're going through. Maybe including other information could be helpful too. Maybe things like:

Helping A Loved One With Bipolar - Informative site about how to support someone with bipolar, the signs, symptoms & dealing with their mania & depression.

Worst Things To Say To Someone With Bipolar Disorder - I'm sure many of us have heard a few of these many times. They can all be very annoying & downright hurtful.

There are many sites out there with information for various mental illnesses, just be sure to filter out the ones with poor or inaccurate information. If they are willing to learn, don't hesitate to give them the tools.

Take care, keep safe.

Hi @Drac0

I think everyone has their own issues and it doesn't matter if some others are more traumatic than others - they are still are issues and I guess everyone deals with them differently.

I think I will post a new message with an introduction about myself - that way it doesn't 'interfere' with other peoples' posts.

I know my result from my parents is an extreme, to say the least. And you're right I don't know if i ever want to see them again. But I will write more on my own post. Hope you get to read it.

The most important thing to remember is telling family and friends is for you and not them. Whatever means you choose will get acceptance from some and denial from others.

I told my parents in person that I was having a nervous breakdown and when I burst out into tears it was my dad that gave me a hug and said i love you and what can you do for you darling. My mum a practical stern women said nothing and started to pray for me, which bothered me to no end. However my older sister stepped in to be my rock and that was all that mattered.

Know that your parents are aware of your bipolar and it's a good thing. If they can't give you what support and comfort you need from them that's ok. They may need time, need to get information about the condition or just don't know what to do. The spiritual prayers from the parent in laws will not harm anyone and are a positive energy force that helps them accept ur situation.

As long as your happy with how your parents were told that's the main thing.

I found informing my father of my kids' diagnoses via email was reasonably straightforward. He was more comfortable with me doing it that way than in person, where he would not have known what to say. It meant he had time to research the diagnoses before we saw each other. It also meant he didn't have to ask the difficult questions about why my kids seemed 'behind' compared to his wife's grandchildren.

But, I've been writing an email - editing, reformatting, changing - a letter about my own diagnosis for maybe two years ... I can't tell him face to face, because I never see him without his (excessively judgmental) wife.

Of course if I felt comfortable actually telling him, it would help make sense of some of my unusual reactions to a variety of things throughout my life.... But is it actually worth it? Or is he going to make out that I'm telling him to get something out of him? When I tried, oh about 30 years ago, to talk about my mother's abuse that was the reaction I got from him. And I buried those memories for the longest time. I don't have any contact with my mother.

thanks for starting this discussion @Former-Member. It's a biggie for many of us, I feel.

I'm afraid that I found out about this link only today, via SANE's Facebook page. Accordingly, I hope that I'm not too late.

My own parents are long since dead, so naturally in my case the issue of discussing it with them does not arise. They both knew - it was impossible not to know - the severity of my mental illness, but they had the greatest difficulty in acknowledging it to others. And my sister still bridles at the very idea of discussing the topic. Therefore I refrain from discussing it.

I am extremely sorry if anything I have said or done has made things worse.