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Informing the family and loved ones

Unknown userMember04 Mar 2016, 12:12 am AEDT

Informing the family and loved ones

Last week my husband ran past me an idea for close family and friends to understand me better.

He decided to send them all a text out lining I have Biploar, that it is common and a real illness and to forget all there perceived ideas on it. He sent them two links one in simple terms out lining what it is and the second one in a lot more depth. He also sent them a link to help explain my behaviours and how to can help me and also look after them self and what to do in emergencys.

I thought it was a good idea so I let him do it.
The feedback has been mixed.

Our closets friends said they love me and I'm family to them and they are there for the both of us and they are greatful for the links and will read them as education is key and they want the best for me. It made me cry a little bit knowing people actually love me.

My father freaked out and my husband calmed him down then he decided to play his mind games to trick me into taking to him. Why are people stupid and hurtful?

He's family just think I need prayer or I just got the tear eyes. I think he's going to call them and talk a bit more in depth to them about it and how not to aggrivate me.

I thought I would share this incase people don't know a way to tell others and also this can be a good way of educating people who are in your life more of what your going through instead of banging your head against a wall trying to tell them.

I prepared myself before hand though before he text it for people's stupid replys and then acting weird.

27 replies

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In response to: Informing the family and loved ones

Unknown userMember04 Mar 2016, 12:12 am AEDT

Re: Informing the family and loved ones

Does anyone else got any ideas on telling people and getting a support network?

In response to: Informing the family and loved ones

Drac0Senior Contributor04 Mar 2016, 2:46 am AEDT

Re: Informing the family and loved ones

Hi @Former-Member

I'm happy that you & your husband have decided together to open up about your issues & also try to educate people properly about what bipolar is. It is certainly something that a lot of us find hard to do, without even thinking of providing them with information.

While we are are living in the age of technology I don't think I could have done it in a text. For me it would seem too impersonal, sort of throwing it out there & saying this is my problem now deal with it. While some like me would understand because I've been there I guess others would find it very confronting. Can't say I'm surprised at the mixed results.

It's fantastic that your friends reacted so well about whats happening & how they can learn more about what it all means. Being younger has probably made it easier for them to accept & deal with it openly. I can also understand the reactions of the older generation. While it is regretful that they have responded in this way, they have had decades of being told MI doesn't exist, or should not be talked about, swept under the carpet & ignored. Or that we're all raving loonies who need to be kept at a distance.

I would have handled it differently, probably talking face to face first then offering to provide the information via text later. But then again I'm not that young myself so that would be an approach that works for me, maybe not you. It is hard to sit there actually seeing the immediate reactions. It can be painful when it's not what you hoped or expected.

It took me so long to admit to myself I had a problem, then so much longer to open up to anyone else. I spent so many years alone, out of contact with family & very few close friends so I guess there wasn't anyone to tell. But when I did I wish I had thought of giving them something to help educate them about it. That was a stroke of genius!

Now I have no problems discussing my bipolar or educating people about the truths of mental illness. My story has been published online & in a book so I no longer have any problems with people knowing. Really putting it out there, far beyond my own circle of family & friends, really changed things. Not that I would recommend it to everyone, it was just my way at the time.

Still, for close family & friends I think face to face, whether you, your husband or together, would be the way I would do it.

Would you mind sharing the links that were used?

Take care.

In response to: Informing the family and loved ones

Unknown userMember04 Mar 2016, 12:19 pm AEDT

Re: Informing the family and loved ones

The issue with face to face is that both our families and most close friends live a 20 hour drive away. And as you said I'm a younger generation and all about technology.

Last time my husband was with our families and close friends he told all of them im suffering from a mental illness and some that it is bipolar, so it wasn't really a hello guess what I've got bipolar text. They all knew something was not right as they have been aware of my breakdowns and going quiet for months at a time.

I at the moment can't do face to face with people. I don't want to have to discus it in much detail. I also generally find it hard to be around people, they drain me out to the point a two hour social session ends up with a 13 hour nap and not being able to be human for days. Unless I'm in a high mood. Then I'm fun.

I don't think it's an age gap with the older people personally in my family due to the funny reaction. I think it's a religious gap. A hole new hurdle to break through. It shall be fun. Not!

I also generally don't like talking about my illness as I don't want it to define me. I don't want it to be the centre of attention. Everyone is already tip toeing around me and treating me different and I hate it. So we thought stuff it let's teach them about it in one big hit and hopefully most of them will understand I'm still me and they for most times can act normal around me unless they see warning signs something is not right. Then the ones that don't understand it can talk to my husband because I can snap due to silly people.

I'm glad you at a point where your fine about talking about it. It must be a freeing feeling.

The links I used where just of beyond blue and black dog. Basic teaching and hopefully they read it.

In response to: Re: Informing the family and loved ones

Drac0Senior Contributor04 Mar 2016, 12:43 pm AEDT

Re: Informing the family and loved ones

Thanks for the replay @Former-Member, the extra info certainly puts a new perspective on things.

At least it wasn't an out of nowhere text, that would have been a real shocker. It was good that you could let them know more about what was going on and try to help them understand things better. My family has never been the religious types, I think I've only been in a church one for anything that wasn't a wedding or funeral. So it's not an issue I've ever had to deal with.

While I'm much better than I was in the past I can really relate to the issue of being around or communicating with people about anything. I remember the times going to family functions (the few I did attend at all), sitting in a dark corner, staying just long enough to be polite then driving 3 hours to get home & be alone, to feel 'safe'.

Talking about my bipolar etc for me is more an educational thing nowadays, my attempts to help remove the stigma around having a mental illness. It's not something to just bring up in conversation. Like you I don't wan't it to define me. I am not my illness, I'm just me, like I was yesterday & will be tomorrow.

I wish you & your hubby all the best in letting them know whats going on & how they can be part of the solution rather than being part of the problem. I hope it goes well as time goes on.

Take care.

In response to: Re: Informing the family and loved ones

Unknown userMember04 Mar 2016, 3:49 pm AEDT

Re: Informing the family and loved ones

Hi @Former-Member

I just wanted to say well done for taking the step of opening up to friends and family. Unfortunately there is still a lot of fear and misunderstanding around mental illness and I think educating the people around us is really important in changing that.

It’s so nice to hear that this has reminded you of all the people that love you and are there for you.

As @Drac0 has said, I think each generation has more awareness and understanding of mental illness than the one before, so hopefully it will just take some time for your father to read through the information and come to understand a bit better.

I look forward to hearing what others have to say about this topic...

In response to: Re: Informing the family and loved ones

Unknown userMember04 Mar 2016, 3:56 pm AEDT

Re: Informing the family and loved ones

Hey @Former-Member

Sorry, I just read your second post about the religion gap... I really hope you get some more support from your father soon.

In response to: Informing the family and loved ones

Unknown userMember04 Mar 2016, 7:18 pm AEDT

Re: Informing the family and loved ones

Haha my father is well aware of mental illness @Former-Member he's just a self adsorbed 16 year old brat inside a 50+ year old body. It all has to be about him and everyone has to feel sorry for him. It's not his fault he's an abusive alcoholic lier. He's done zero wrong and should just be loved and looked after. I'm basically done with him until he changes his way. Anyone can change if the really wanted to and its up to him now. Haven't spoken to him in a year and he's still trying to call me on different numbers, saying he wants to take me out for lunch and canceling it a day later. Threating to beat the shit out of me. It's fun. NOT!

@draco0 haha what a crazy text that would be. What's up everyone, got something to tell ya I got bipolar. Hope you have a swell week.

I haven't come across much information about people withdrawing from crowds and wanting to go back to there safe space. I thought it was just a strange thing I did. I'm glad I'm not alone in that. Its weird normally family functions I love or at least entertained by one of the crazy family members going off about something but now I need to prep myself up for weeks inadvanced, have conversations planed and make sure I got a day off to sleep the next day.

Yer the religious issue is going to be interesting regarding my husbands side. But me and my husband are bracing our self for it and we know they mean well even though what they say is hurtful and makes me feel like 0 and that there is something really wrong with me.

In response to: Re: Informing the family and loved ones

AppleblossomSenior Contributor04 Mar 2016, 11:57 pm AEDT

Re: Informing the family and loved ones

Hi @Former-Member

Glad that you partner was proactive. I fully support the idea that an illnes does not define a person.

I too had horrific religious gap with disastrous consequences for me and 2 siblings.

However, I was getting the education and I was getting the information, and sharing it as my mother only had grade 6 primary school in Holland ... they sucked me dry and hung me ona cross ... which is why I have neck issues. My son's first school principal after I left the marriage said I had been crucified. ... So I can only say ... dont hold your breathe and be wary ... but religion isnt all bad .. it just gets bad when it is used to veil the truth.

Glad you have real friends.

cheers Apple

In response to: Informing the family and loved ones

Unknown userMember05 Mar 2016, 1:34 am AEDT

Re: Informing the family and loved ones

I'm hopping it won't be to bad. My church is very supportive and for moths where like you need to pray, you need a support group, you need to see a professional and we will pay for it (my husband has seen him a few times to help us and me and himself, I haven't as I think I need to see someone with more qualifications) and if they prescribe medication don't be ashamed of it, God has sent us doctors and medication to help us.

My senior pastor is not old school thankfully and super weirdo spiritual thankfully.

I'm just hoping there stupidity the family have said was because they don't know what to say. Apparently one of them watched a documentary on bipolar and im assuming freaking out about it. My hubby is going to call them and explain it to them in English what's wrong and how that talk can actually affect me getting better. I think once he says that most of them will be a lot better, well to my face anyway.

I do believe religion can be evil but I belive the words of the bible which is basicly about loving each other is pure beautiful and that's what I live by. Showing everyone love and making them feel great.

In response to: Re: Informing the family and loved ones

BlueBaySenior Contributor05 Mar 2016, 9:10 am AEDT

Re: Informing the family and loved ones

Hi @Former-Member

Hope I'm not too late to reply.

Find some caring beautiful friends that truly and genuinely understand what your're going through. Though I still believe that the only ones that understand are the ones that have either gone through a mental illness themselves or have a family member with an illness that understand.

Six years ago I remembered I was sexually abused as a child. That was over 30 years ago. For 6 weeks I didn't tell my husband or children, the only person that knew was my psychologist. I then decided with the hlep of my psych that I would tell my husband in a joint session. I had written down a letter and explained the abuse. It was very emotional for all.

For 8 months I didn't tell anyone else. I then decided that I needed and wanted to tell my parents. Well that was the first day of disaster and is still continuing. The day my husband and I went to visit my parents my mum was only there, telling me my dad didn't want to hear what I had to say. She then started yelling at me and saying 'how dare you wait 30 years to tell me'. She was saying my husband wasn't a 'proper man' as he should have gone and told her. She didn't want to listen to me at all, so I got up and with all my strength that i had left (whcih wasn't much) I walked out. That was 6 yrs ago. I then posted a letter explaining how much i love them, need them and about the abuse, my depression - but - the letter was sent back to me.

So @Former-Member I know it is hard to tell family and friends. I found it extremely difficult to tell my family.

For me now I have a few very close friends who i can confide in and one sister (out of a family of 6) that i only talk to.

I think if you can surround yourself with some loving friends who are caring, nurturing and supportive as well as your husband and the family that do support you - then that's all you need.

Wish you all the best

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