Topic Tuesday // Creating and maintaining social connections // Tues 20 Nov, 7pm AEDT

Thanks for joining us @BlueBay Hope you feel better!

No worries @BlueBay - great that you were able to join us and keep taking care of yourself!

Hi everyone, just joining the discussion late now after reading through the posts so far. I have bipolar 1 and know well how extremely different the social states can be between manic and depressed.

Mostly I have experienced the depression side of things in my life, and have mostly been introverted in the way I relate to the real life world. During the worst of these depressions, I isolate a lot in the wider social world, but have been lucky to find a few good people to be close with over a longer period of time. Duration of friendship matters to me a lot, for the deeper shared knowledge of each other that people tend to find over time and shared experience.

One thing I got from going crazy with socialising when manic is some understanding how to be a bit more extroverted at other times, which has helped me in this later part of my life. Though mania is not generally a good thing, I found some life learning even there. At that time I had about 100 friends! Now I have my long time best friend and companion, another close friend I've known for a long time, and quite a few people at a distance that I mostly only have contact with when we are in each other's home vicinity.

I am pretty lucky in that I have come to know lots of people as acquaintances and/or colleagues through my creative life at different times, though I've often hidden my mental illness, or at least never revealed the severity it has often taken. Most of these people are a long way from where I live now, but sometimes turn up out of the blue from interstate for a few hours visit, with a long time between. I value these too.

Overall I have been working towards having more friends and acquaintances in my real life over recent years, as I have very little family connection aside from my elderly mother, and so do need for a stronger social support from friends. I believe have been doing well with this, in baby steps, though am still only really close to a very few people, and am still prone to isolating from week to week, though much less than before.

I too am working on self forgiveness for things I have done in the past in anger and madness, as well as reaching out to make amends with those I have hurt, but only when it seems appropriate and not an imposition on them.

I tend to write long posts. Sorry for going on so long in a group chat. It's an important issue to me, as with many others here. Like many others on the forum, I find it much easier to be truly honest about who I am, and especially about my mental illness, in this virtual, anonymous space. It has been so valuable to me and others to have this special place to support and know each other, day to day, and for those of us who have been around for a while, even year to year. Though virtual, I believe we do find profound friendships here, that enrichen our lives.

Trauma has been the biggest difference for me @jess_27 and how much it affects me when I fall into depression again. I think those times where I was more social were certainly times that I had good people around me and my life was not controlled by my negative thoughts.

When feeling isolated (which I am actually) & down -

I can only really reach out to a phone Helpline (or post on the forum).

There isn't anyone else who I can readily contact.

If I have a social engagement pre-arranged, I will usually still go even when feeling horrible.

Although sometimes I might cancel, because I don't feel up to it - or because negative thinking says that there is no point in going (pointless).

Adge

I don’t do anything to sustain connection but I think others do. I currently force myself to have 5 mins of conversation when they come home from work and then may hide in my room.

I have a friend who rings to check in twice weekly for a 5 min chat on their way home from work. That connection is helpful for me because I know it’s only 5 mins and there is no pressure. Sometimes I don’t answer her calls if I’m in a crappy place. She has a rule if I don’t pick up 3 times in a row she turns up to my house to drag me out of bed :face_with_rolling_eyes:😳. I do feel blessed having that. It works for both of us..... and I always pick up the third time 🤭

Let me clarify something @Zoe7 you said it is easier to be alone? But do you actually like being alone? I wouldn't imagine you would join this particular forum if you did.

What type of dog do you have? I have a greyhound!

WOW @Teej your friend sound amazing! You must also be a great friend that she feels so strongly about you so obviouslly you are doing something right. 🙂

Welcome @Mazarita - wonderful that you have been reading along and have joined in with these insights 🌟

@Adge I think it is important to aknowledge the courage it takes to reach out in the way.

Sometimes forcing ourselves to go to social things is good (I often do this to fight through my anxiety) but other times it can he hurtful. It is important to know yourself and know the difference.