Value based living

Hello @Former-Member

First of all well done in getting through a long stay at hospital....I always feel that this part of the journey is understated...

To me it takes great strength and courage to go into hospital and stay there....as well at work towards coming out of hospital and starting life outside again...

Writing on the forums ...reaching out for answers is also a sign that you are working hard at your recovery...

how do I know this....I have been down this track myself in the past...

Values are a very important part of my life....

I think that this is a brilliant subject for a thread...so I hope that more people are encouraged to respond ....

For me...my values are what I believe in....

honesty...integrity...love....empathy...kindness..family bonds....friendships that last despite differences...maternal bonds..commitments...honour...respect...manners....self respect...listening...appropriate support...appreciation..acknowledgement...confidentiality...privacy...understanding....making an effort...trust...sticking to agreements...

these are all important to me...there are many more...mind foggy ...cannot think of them at the moment...

I work hard at treating others according to these values and appreciate being treated in the same way...

When you ask the question what is the point....

you are in early stages of a long stay in hospital....you are still in a vulnerable stage of recovery...

now is not a time that is beneficial for you to put extra pressure on yourself in coming up with answers...

however there is a point.....YOU...you matter...even though you might not be feeling that way at all at the moment....

you can start ..jot down some thoughts...journal....note book....scraps of paper....keeping them together...to refer back to....to add to....

making a commitment to yourself that you will not judge yourself when you read your words after....at any time...

then you can choose to do it daily...or whatever fits in with what your mind feels comfortable with....

you can also write on this thread if you feel comfortable doing that...

if none of what I have said makes sense...that is ok too....

I often confuse people....ask me to explain...if you feel comfortable doing that...

Everyone has their own set of values....some people are not aware that they do....some have the same as others as well as different ones ...some people have totally different values...

there is no right or wrong answer...

does that make sense?

Sophia

Yes. It was slow and took some looking outside of the box at various times which was scary, but at the moment I am involved in a few fabulous organisations which help me feel connected to meaningful activities and sharing with others who share those values.

1) Music

2) Science and Conservation ... volunteering at zoo

3) Taking up opportunities in MH prganisation.

The variety helps different parts of me, so I feel more balanced.

Hi @Sophia1 and @Appleblossom

Thank you for your replies. What seemed like a good avenue to explore yesterday afternoon, just seems pointless again. Have gone back to dooms day feeling.

@Sophia1 i think i will take your advise and try not to put pressure on myself. I’m upset I’m back at ‘what’s the point...’

Distracting, distracting, distracting...

hello @Former-Member

Those are very natural feelings that you are experiencing aeiou...

When we are in hospital we are cared for in almost all aspects...other than personal hygiene.

We have meals cooked for us....group activities...check ups with psychiatrist....

like a cocoon environment...that is the intent...caring and protecting...

when we arrive home we are suddenly thrust back into real life in every way...

it does take a while to adjust back to the real world...

so you are doing fine ...even though you might not feel that...

being back at "what's the point?"

does it help to answer with "I am the point"....then no further thought...

distraction would be good at that moment...

do you like being outside? do you like observing nature...listening to nature?

I always seem to be banging on about nature...for me it helps with distraction...awareness...reality...my dissociation or degeneralisation at whatever stage I am at...

keep on writing if you feel up to it..

I have a specialist appointment at midday so will be heading off shortly...

I hate specialist appointments....they do not answer all of my questions and often want a repeat appointment...which is frustrating and annoying as it is over an hour's drive each way...

At least the day is here now and I will get it out of the way...

Take care

Re time passing ... I mean very slow. @Former-Member I am glad you can take on board @Sophia1 encouraging suggestions.

Here is something silly to help with the distracting period ....

Re time passing ... my son just showed me a Sesame Street youtube

called the Song of the Count

It gets so many points across ...

in his version they had swapped the word "count" with a swearing blip

I just love the ... slowly, slowly getting faster ...

Hi @Former-Member

A good topic.

Before realising any MI existed in my family, I'd held jobs in law enforcement (not police), I was righteous, honest and upstanding. Great you would think? Not necessarily. I'll explain.

See we humans are grey in values, we all have various shades where black and white rarely exists. Life doesn't work that way. For example-

A policeman pulls over a speeding car. He realises its his nephew. Does he issue a fine? What if the driver was his wife? If he fines his wife he is fining his own pocket, if he lets her go he is favouring a driver over others.

Such dilemmas are everywhere. One job I had was traffic officer for a council. A large white car was illegally parked. I issued a fine. The next day my boss told me to stop issuing fines on that car (unheard of). He told me the driver was a state Govt politician and "he is mates of Council " I refused the order, continued to issue fines and my boss and I had an arguement when I had my first panic attack.

In the end I was sacked. My mental illness issues didnt originate from that altercation. ..its that the altercation fuelled the MI

I had to have therapy to understand that humans all have different values. That there were alternatives to how I handled it. I also had to learn to stop "saving the world". I learned I was not suited to the controversy of law enforcement and human values are so different I could not accept them. The moral side or rather the lack of morals in some humans is hard for me to cope with.

A strong moral compass doesnt automatically result in a stable life because it conflicts with most people that are less stringent. You'll be seen as not easy going, unreasonable and defiant.

Im proud of my stance. Unemployed and pensioners had to pay their fines why not a politician? However, I lost my job, risked losing my home, damaged my health and lost friends that couldnt endure my obsession about the corruption and my 10 month fight.

At the end of the day I won the battle for my dignity but lost the war to people with less moral fibre.

Values are good but acceptance that others values are never the same as yours and working around that to survive in society is getting things in a better perspective and that results in surviving easier among others. People having less moral fibre doesnt mean they are bad or evil, it means they see things in a different light.

Find ways to deal with different values. Eg in the case above if I said to my boss "you patrol that street and you ignote that car, I wont go there " it might have saved my heartache. Some of us need to blend, avoid and accept that this is life.. we should improve our wisdom.

As irritating as it is.

Good morning @Appleblossom

I just watched the Sesame Count Song. It reminds me very much on my brain. It'll get stuck on something and go faster and faster and faster and faster... And then I count everything too!

Good morning @Sophia1

I hope your specialist appointment went ok, you got your questions answered, and hopefully there is no follow up.

I do like being outside. I do like doing things with my hands. But a lot has the level of self-preserving acitivities now and I feel my glass walls, where I can look out, but don't feel the wind, can't smell the roses, are closing in around me. "I am the point"? Not neccessarily true for me.Why am I the point when I cannot contribute and cause pain to others?

Good morning @Whiteknight

Thank you for sharing your story. I am being told I only see black and white, so your mention of grey tones made me smile. I think I am very intolerant when it comes to some of my values as they are tolerance, safety, freedom. A society where discrimination is ripe, the safety of people and animals is trodden on and people cannot act freely according to their own value system, makes me sick and feel like I don't want to be here. I had my own downfall at work, first slowly and unnoticeable and then a rapid decline until they made it clear they wanted me out of the job, mentally unfit for business. I wouldn't want to work in a business again where people are treated like human capital, but then the reality is that it is standard practice, all around us. I don't matter to an employer and all the campaigns about mentally healthy workplaces are for the bosses to show, we care and then kicking the employees with their steel cap boots. Values seem to have to stand back when it comes to business.

I am trying to get a volunteering job, but seem to struggle with that. I am honest about my current journey and I guess that makes me unreliable. Furthermore I come from a technical background and have no formal social skills.

One thing I try to do, which is important to me, is to be kind to others, acknowledge people on the street, in the shops... a smile and Hello don't hurt and looking up at the question how are you and genuinely asking it back. Yes, I lie when people ask me how I am, but I like the human interaction. Everyone has their own struggles, but at least for a brief moment, when our eyes really see eachother, we are connected.

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@Former-Member wrote:

Good morning @Sophia1

I hope your specialist appointment went ok, you got your questions answered, and hopefully there is no follow up.

I do like being outside. I do like doing things with my hands. But a lot has the level of self-preserving acitivities now and I feel my glass walls, where I can look out, but don't feel the wind, can't smell the roses, are closing in around me. "I am the point"? Not neccessarily true for me.Why am I the point when I cannot contribute and cause pain to others?

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Hello @Former-Member

I read pain between your words....

If you do not like my choice of words....I am sorry ....you are in a fragile stage of recovery...not insinuating that you have a fragile personality...leaving hospital and returning home is almost a transitional period of recovery....

feelings of what is the point do not just appear one day out of thin air...

these are built up over a period of time ...

I don't expect you to discuss your experiences either...

I am wanting only to reassure you...that you are not alone...even though you do not feel that your life has a point at this given time possibly...the fact that you went to hospital...worked hard and still are in recovery tells me that you are worthwhile.....you are doing the work...that takes courage...bravery...

Please understand that I do respect you...

Specialist scenario...have been referred to another one as well...then back to him....oh joy!