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The Voice of an Abuser

kyleeContributor12 Feb 2016, 11:37 am AEDT

The Voice of an Abuser

A short story

I met a man called Fred today. He spoke about many ideas that seemed compelling and true. He knew exactly how my mind worked and showed me all the signs and connections that supported his arguments.

Today while listening to Fred he showed me convincingly that everything I thought I knew is a lie. I am scared because now I know the truth I don't know who will believe me. Fred told me I am the only one who accepts the truth and my experience with trying to tell others shows me they don't understand.

Today Fred showed me that everyone I thought loved me was actually plotting against me, no wonder they deny the truth that Fred told me. Fred said I can't trust anyone.

Today Fred told me all the things that were going to be done to me. I can barely hope with all the torture I face. The things Fred described to me were like pure hell.

Fred let me know there is no escape and no one to turn to. there is no way to fight, there is no Hope. I am alone with no one to trust.

Who is Fred? Fred is the exact voice of my psychosis (mental delusion.) Which doctors call a chemical balance. To me he is a psychological tormentor who employs all the tactics of a severe abuser. I have learnt to recognise his voice when he first starts to persuade me. This is my outline to help others to recognise and shut down the voice of his abuse before it takes control.

For the last 4 and a half years I have been free of these mental processes that had previously affected me 2 to 3 times a year. It always starts for me with agitation as I become very involved in ruminating thoughts to the point where I am so internally involved I can't concentrate on what is happening externally. This is always the beginning and triggers a warning to me to cease my thought processes and take extra care preventative measures like something to help me get a good nights sleep.

The pattern usually follows these rules.

Firstly the voice of abuse will captivate you and gain your interest to the exclusion of interest in all else. The things he will say are intriguing though not nourishing.

Secondly he will start to change your judgements so you see things his way.

Thirdly he will start to take away your trust in anyone or anything besides his voice.

Fourthly he will trap you with fear and at the same time convince you that you're powerless.

Lastly he will take away your hope so you will not find a way out.

Whether your abuser is psychosis or a real person if you recognise this pattern then know that what you are being told is a lie. You might have to ignore what looks like 'evidence' such as patterns that seem to connect those thoughts.

I have shared this in the hope that others will become more aware of this pattern of psychosis and when recognising it will seek to shut it down rather than engage with it further.

4 replies

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In response to: The Voice of an Abuser

ivanaSenior Contributor12 Feb 2016, 1:13 pm AEDT

Re: The Voice of an Abuser

Hi Kylee,

Thanks for sharing your story.

It sounds like you have great insight.Maybe you could consider writing a leaflet (or something similar) stating this pattern to try to help other people going through this also to gain the ability to "take a step back" from their experience and get some insight?

I think you'd have a lot to offer other people in similar situations and their families.

Was there anything that would make "fred" come out more?Eg:lack of sleep,stress or other factors?

Did/do you find that by reminding yourself of your families loving nature and kindness etc would make you less likely to believe the paranoia thoughts that they were plotting against you etc?

In response to: The Voice of an Abuser

kyleeContributor12 Feb 2016, 3:55 pm AEDT

Re: The Voice of an Abuser

Thank you for your comment Ivana.
As for your questions on what sorts of things contributed to 'Fred's' lies and what helped counteract them, lack of sleep definitely made them spiral out of control and also positions where I felt vulnerable so I needed to look after myself and help to make myself feel as safe and comfortable as possible.
After a long time of varying experiences I came to the conclusion that the only time my life felt unbearably painful was when I bought into thoughts of fear, despair and rejection. It wasn't my actual situation that was so painful it was my ungrounded fears and hopelessness that was never realised but only suggested so I made a decision that if my thoughts turn to fear despair or rejection I would stop trying to analyse these thoughts to see if they were grounded in truth but immediately on recognising any of these tell myself 'that is a lie I reject it' I found that fear breeds fear and the biggest contributor to 'Fred's' lies getting out of control was entertaining fear.
Also I think it is good to choose one person in your life, someone who you know when you are well loves you and has your best interest at heart and say to yourself no matter how scared 'Fred' makes me I will open up to this person and choose to believe them over Fred. Any abuser's tool to continue abusing you is to keep you silent and isolated and psychosis is no different.
A lot of what I learned came to me through my faith as a christian such as learning to reject fear, despair and rejection but I am speaking about it in practical terms rather than spiritual because I think it is more helpful for everyone.

In response to: The Voice of an Abuser

kyleeContributor12 Feb 2016, 6:36 pm AEDT

Re: The Voice of an Abuser

Hi Liea, I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. If you can hold onto the knowledge that you are safe and loved try to. You are not a bad mother, because of my illness my children weren't looked after as attentively as others but because of this they have grown into very caring people who understand suffering and stand up against bullying. You may not be able to be there as much as you would like for your kids but if you genuinely love them you will be surprised to hear that your already leaps and bounds ahead of a lot of mothers who appear like they have it all together.

In response to: The Voice of an Abuser

Unknown userMember13 Feb 2016, 10:25 am AEDT

Re: The Voice of an Abuser

This made me smile @kylee.
And thank you, your words meant so much. I was so exhausted yesterday I slept soundly last night! I care greatly for my children, they are my life. I think your words helped me feel not so bad for the times I just cannot keep up with the world. It's very difficult to decipher how this happens or why. Normal days do exist too. I think I've operated this way for many years & have lived with an abuser in real life. Perhaps this sheds clarity to me how I did for so long. Wishing you a great day.☺

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