Paranoid personality disorder - through the daughter's eyes

Thankyou for your very kind words. We are in the aftermath today. I’m a mess he is very down. We havnt really slept. The pattern continues. We are gentle quiet people but he has been abused his entire life by his mentally unstable mother. The wounds are deep. The trauma is at its strongest at the moment because she is physically very frail at age 89 but emotionally crueler than ever. It is very toxic. She is his trigger. We stay away but the mother son bond no matter how disturbed is tearing him apart. I just don’t know how to soothe him anymore. My darling son is a wonderful support but we have reached that stage of no one can help anymore you just have to go through it. My sons 29 and his girlfriend is very ill with a tumor behind her ear. They are only barely holding it together for the sake of the kids. Holding my breath that today will be better. As I hope yours will be. Thankyou for being a kind friend. Dearly needed at the moment. We don’t have cultural boundaries but definitely society. There is no help other than the last resort of a mental health unit. There just is none. Please somehow find a way to convey to your mum there is another lady on the forum going through pretty much the same as her. And an extra hug from me. X

I share your mother's pain. My wife suffers from PPD. This has not been confirmed by a formal diagnoses as I cannot get her to visit a psychologist. The problems started about 5 years ago when my wife started to accuse me of all sorts of mental disturbances and threatened me with divorce if I dont go for councelling. As I went from psychologist to psychologist, with the reports that I do not have a problem, she would just change the problem and demand that I see a next one. Until the coucellors indicated that my wife might have PPD. She was referred for evaluation but have always found a way not to go. Reading up on the subject I realised that all the signs and traits are present. But this does not help me at all. I do not have formal confirmation and she is oblivious. At first I thought that she was just having mood swings after her menopause. Sometimes she is just fine and then I have my doubts. But out of the blue, she then starts blaming, accusing and quarreling. In trying to cope with this, I have tried everything.

I know now, trying to argue or disagree, does not work. She just disregard any information that contradicts her views and become quarrelsome. Trying to get her to a psychologist, does not work. She has seen a few but become distrustfull as soon as they say something that does not confirm her beliefs and refuses to see that person again. Trying to hug or comfort her does not work. She sees this as control an manipulation. Trying to lift the atmosphere with humor does not work. She sees this as putting her down. Giving flowers is manipulation. Not responding verbally is emotional abuse. Disagreeing is emotional abuse and controlling.

I have noticed though, that when I am firm, with a short statement of disagreement and then removing myself for a while to curb escalating argumentativeness, seems to be the best strategy. As soon as I detect a negative moodswing, I try to remove myself for a period of time. I know that this sounds like escapism, but until I can find a better coping mechanism, this worked the best for me. Trying to talk about any problem just leads to arguments, as she is so rigid in her thinking and beliefs. I love my wife and, with the knowledge that she might have a mental problem, I would like to support her the best I can. She makes it so difficult though.