Physical and emotional pain

Last night I reached a point I wished I didn't. I am not even sure where to go to from here. I'm guessing at least people know how I feel, including those closest to me now.

Last night around midnight I broke. Something inside of me just snapped. The culmination of emotional distress and physical agony (from my nerve damage in my jaw) got to me. I admitted all this is affecting my mental health issues. I admitted to my Mrs I feel very suicidal.

She stayed awake with me until I managed to drift off into sleep, trying desperately to call on-call doctors (she rang six of them and none could come out). She wanted to take me to my psychiatrist today for an assessment, but I don't think hospitalisation would help. I am in emotional and physical agony (I have a high pain tolerance due to numerous piercings and tattoos), but I cannot tolerate this. I was in tears for four hours. I hadn't slept in days (mostly because the non-prescription pain medication I was recommended had high doses of caffiene in them, causing me to become alert, anxious and irritable).

I'm trying my best to hold everything together. My replacement cheap laptop last night broke and because I need a computer for my course, the MIL bought me a new one and I am paying her back at $150 per fortnight. Fair enough I guess and I am very thankful of her generousity. I really don't want to wind up in a psych ward because I don't thinkit would prove helpful. I need the physical pain to subside, so I can then de-stress. I also don't want to wind up dependant upon painkillers which I imagine would happen if hospitalised.

I'm broken, confused and most of all weary. Where do I go from here?