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Physical and emotional pain

QueenieSenior Contributor

Physical and emotional pain

Last night I reached a point I wished I didn't. I am not even sure where to go to from here. I'm guessing at least people know how I feel, including those closest to me now.

Last night around midnight I broke. Something inside of me just snapped. The culmination of emotional distress and physical agony (from my nerve damage in my jaw) got to me. I admitted all this is affecting my mental health issues. I admitted to my Mrs I feel very suicidal.

She stayed awake with me until I managed to drift off into sleep, trying desperately to call on-call doctors (she rang six of them and none could come out). She wanted to take me to my psychiatrist today for an assessment, but I don't think hospitalisation would help. I am in emotional and physical agony (I have a high pain tolerance due to numerous piercings and tattoos), but I cannot tolerate this. I was in tears for four hours. I hadn't slept in days (mostly because the non-prescription pain medication I was recommended had high doses of caffiene in them, causing me to become alert, anxious and irritable).

I'm trying my best to hold everything together. My replacement cheap laptop last night broke and because I need a computer for my course, the MIL bought me a new one and I am paying her back at $150 per fortnight. Fair enough I guess and I am very thankful of her generousity. I really don't want to wind up in a psych ward because I don't thinkit would prove helpful. I need the physical pain to subside, so I can then de-stress. I also don't want to wind up dependant upon painkillers which I imagine would happen if hospitalised.

I'm broken, confused and most of all weary. Where do I go from here?

35 replies

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In response to: Physical and emotional pain

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: Physical and emotional pain

I did all reading for one diploma flat on my back holding the pages up away from my face.

@Queenie

It was just the way it had to be for me. Studying also took me out of my body and feeling the pain. Not recommended if there are other options.

You have to work out whats best for you, but helps if you can air things a bit.

I hope you get good support from health practitioners, but also your missus.

You dont have to be soupergal..

In response to: Re: Physical and emotional pain

QueenieSenior Contributor

Re: Physical and emotional pain

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out but I can't because the children are here. What triggered this? A phone call from my Father. I feel like he doesn't give a crap about me and only calls from way up on his pedestal to rub my nose in it. There is so much hurt there from him and my stepmother/aunt. All the water under the bridge washed the poor bridge away. It brings back memories of all the abuse, I can't go into details but it was pretty shocking and the man I called Daddy (back then) should have protected me from Her, but he didn't. Instead he called me a liar and now I am just a trouble maker. I wish he wouldn't call but now he calls on withheld numbers and here's me thinking it could be the NDIA calling about my planning meeting so I answer all calls.

Now I am having a really bad night. My Mrs cannot comfort me as she is having a horror movie marathon with the children and is spending the night downstairs and is having a night off as my carer.

😞

In response to: Re: Physical and emotional pain

QueenieSenior Contributor

Re: Physical and emotional pain

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out but I can't because the children are here. What triggered this? A phone call from my Father. I feel like he doesn't give a crap about me and only calls from way up on his pedestal to rub my nose in it. There is so much hurt there from him and my stepmother/aunt. All the water under the bridge washed the poor bridge away. It brings back memories of all the abuse, I can't go into details but it was pretty shocking and the man I called Daddy (back then) should have protected me from Her, but he didn't. Instead he called me a liar and now I am just a trouble maker. I wish he wouldn't call but now he calls on withheld numbers and here's me thinking it could be the NDIA calling about my planning meeting so I answer.

Now I am having a really bad night. My Mrs cannot comfort me as she is having a horror movie marathon with the children and is spending the night downstairs and is having a night off as my carer.

😞

In response to: Re: Physical and emotional pain

Unknown userMember

Re: Physical and emotional pain

Hi @Queenie,

Sorry you're having a really bad night. It sounds like it's been a particularly tough couple of weeks for you – having the phone call from your father and all the associated memories is probably the last thing you need right now.

Do you have any strategies that you tend to use when your Mrs isn't around? Or other supports you can reach out to?

Please keep posting and let us know how you're travelling.

In response to: Re: Physical and emotional pain

QueenieSenior Contributor

Re: Physical and emotional pain

I think I will go to bed early tonight @Former-Member and try and read something or just sleep. I was watching a little tv but it was kind of boring. Catch you tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Physical and emotional pain

JazzaCasual Contributor

Re: Physical and emotional pain

Hi @Queenie. Pain is a horrible thing to deal with. Its disabling and others have trouble trying to understand it because they can't see it and have never experienced it. Nerve pain is different altogether and doesn't respond to opiates. They usually prescribe other meds but can take weeks to kick in and give some relief. I always find it amusing when someone I know suddenly has some back pain and its the worst thing in the world for him but he doesn't seem to understand its my everyday. Have you tried a heat pack or a hot cloth. Some people like hot, some cold and some don't like either. Hope you are feeling better. The kids are probably just scared because they don't understand. It's harder because nerve pain is impossible to understand, it simply doesn't make sense. Usually gets worse when you are quietly trying to sleep or wakes you up when you are desperately tired. I find walking can help if you're up to it. Take care

In response to: Re: Physical and emotional pain

QueenieSenior Contributor

Re: Physical and emotional pain

It is interesting you mention the heat pack @Jazza, I've been surviving by constantly applying heat to the source of the pain. It is the only thing that helps really. I have a buckwheat pack you can either throw into the microwave or the freezer. It is my constant companion at the moment.

In response to: Re: Physical and emotional pain

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: Physical and emotional pain

@Queenie

Pain and horror movies really dont go together. Glad you just did your own thing.

Hope today is better and no calls from people who do not care.

In response to: Re: Physical and emotional pain

Ant7Senior Contributor

Re: Physical and emotional pain

@Queenie hi how are you doing I haven’t checked on this thread for a few days (I have had some stuff going on) I hope your pain is starting to ease ❤️❤️❤️

In response to: Re: Physical and emotional pain

QueenieSenior Contributor

Re: Physical and emotional pain

Hi @Ant7, the pain is still here but is slowly (and thankfully) subsiding. It now just feels like someone has punched me in the jaw.

Thanks again for thinking of me. I've been busy myself in the last few days with college and life in general.

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