WhiteknightSenior Contributor
Avoiding suicidal thoughts
Tough topics deserve airing. Bring it out, display it's rawness, find solutions and gain knowledge.
My brother parted this world willingly in 1979. Some members of my family have dissected every ounce of reasons he decided his fate, for me however it was logical and clear what happened as a note was left. That was 25 years before my sister and I realised we had bipolar and needed help ourselves. Our brother likely had the same illness and around 20% of bipolar's go that way.
But my attempt in 1996 taught me a lot- that I'd a/ never go down that path again potentially hurting my family in a similar vain and b/ that I'd find ways to combat the thoughts of that road. Determination sometimes pays dividends and I can say that every time since then, 20 years now, I've succeeded every time in turning the tide away from that stupid illogical journey of 100% self destruction....how?
By order of effectiveness when times are tough (which is about every 3-4 months when in a depresive state) suicidal thoughts enter my mind. Then I begin to put in place other thoughts-
- That my thoughts of suicide and the mental difficulty in existing in life will become a distant event within a few hours
- That my family is more important than evil thoughts that have the potential to destroy their happiness forever
- That other people will forever wonder what they could have done to stop me from that action regardless of a letter left
- That within that period of being distraught, I'm not thinking correctly. In fact I'm very ill. I dont feel "ill" as such, that's the trouble with MI, we dont feel "ill" in terms that we feel when physically ill. We should identify our level of illness as being severe when we have suicidal thoughts.
- That help can be a mere phone call away to divert your attention and ring lifeline or talk....just talk, even to yourself and hopefully a close person
These processes over time when repeated a few times a year eventually become routine. you know you will recover and the good times will return (good times meaning existing ok) and if you also eventually find ways to feel elated, fun times, able to show empathy to others and care with love, you will balance that see-saw from that weight at the other end than threatens to put your mentality under threat.
That balance has been difficult to find. but, I can declare I've found ways to brighten up my life so when those destructive thoughts come around I know there is a reason to live. All I have to do is introduce a positive trigger to willingly remind myself of why I am a survivor. So elimination of suicidal thoughts never occurs, such is the mental anguish of carrying a mental illness. That's the way it is...no point trying to aspire to something that cannot be changed is there?
Having support processes in place is crutial to our long term health. Having personal boundaries and introducing (proactively), thoughts around your priorities, like loved ones can form a routine of allowing suicidal thoughts to come and go, with less emphasis on them.
But above all, the top of the list above, is time. Time to allow you to let those terrible self destructive thoughts to wane and drift. A short time, to get your mind back together. Give yourself that time and ring lifeline on 13 11 14 for a simple chat if you feel like it.
WK
