I feel worse than ever knowing or thinking I know I have BPD

Thanks @outlander. I’d like to be tagged.

I think I’m just really sad and feeling guilty for some of my episodes that caused pain to other people in my life. I’m sort of having flashbacks of the tantrums I’ve had that I legitimately believed I had a reason to have. But they were so overboard.

Ive never wanted to hurt anyone or anything in my life but I did anyway.

I’m also anxious to get a therapist to help me with it to learn tools so it doesn’t happen anymore but not sure I’ll be successful.

Hi @Bluetoo

You may have already found these threads on BPD, if not they may interest you here and here.

There is a wealth of knowledge on the forum and please if you need call the Helpline on 1800 18 7263.

Take care.

SleepyPanda

So it looks like my couples therapist can’t refer me to anyone for whatever reason. So when I call one, do I tell them I think I have BPD or just depression? I really really really wish I wasn’t dealing with this at my age. Why couldn’t it have come to me when I was young and strong.

I am feeling so debilitated. Haven’t left the house I’m a week and barely left my bed. I am normally off doing something or working on a project. My gf wanted to come visit but I don’t feel like seeing anyone.

I feel like my life has been a fraud. I thought I was normal. I’m not looking down others with this disorder. I just can’t believe I have mi and probably even a Pd. I thought I knew what I was doing with this life.

Hi @Bluetoo, the only thing I might suggest is holding off on making the diagnosis yourself until you've seen a psych professional you can discuss it with. I would tell them your symptoms and that you think you might have bpd but that you haven't yet been diagnosed that way. Then see what they think of that from what you tell them of your life. Ignore this if it's not useful to you. That's just the way I might approach it. Well wishes to you.

Thank you @Mazarita. Why is it so scary to admit to mi? I’ve read some of the stories in here and it seems most can’t bleieve it at first. And I know I’m the same person as I’ve always been whether I’m diagnosed or not. But it makes me question my whole life and the things that have happened.

@Bluetoo, in some ways it can be a relief too, when we do get an accurate diagnosis from a professional. It can help explain things that have really troubled us in our lives. Also, when we have a diagnosis, there's a better chance of improvements to our lives, in ourselves, with help from outside. Take it easy with the processing of this. One step at a time. First get the diagnosis and then there may be the help you want. I relate to being unable to get out of bed. Have had long periods of that. Not so much these days thanks to help I've received, with medication and with psych counselling. Bear in mind too that you are under stress from troubles in your marriage. This will be a 'situational' factor in your depression and general emotional state. It's very understandable. It doesn't mean you always have to feel and be like this.

I wish I could give you a hug @Mazarita. Those were words I needed to hear.

My therapist just texted me and said she found one in my area. That gave me a lot of hope.

Thank you everyone! You guys are a life line for sure.

I just now got off the phone with my sister. She agrees that we probably both have BPD, always having had issues regulating our emotions. She was sexually abused by our uncle when she was only 9 and our parents totally blew her off. They apologized to her when she was an adult. So sad, isn’t it? Mi goes unchecked and avoided for far too many people.