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Feeling like a loser

BluetooSenior Contributor19 June 2018, 12:34 am AEST

Feeling like a loser

i Could use any advice or thoughts. I’m in such a low place. It’s been almost 2 months of this and I am so tired of it all.

I found out my husband cheated on me 2 years ago and almost again 1 year ago. We’ve been married 32 years now and I can’t stop feeling that I wasted my whole life with this man and am still wasting my life by staying with him.

Hes been going to couples therapy with me the whole time since I found out. He’s made so many changes for the better in how he treats me. I should be happy. But all I feel is an overwhelming doom. If it happens again I don’t know what I will do.

I know this is an age old problem but I never thought it’d happen to me. I guess I’ve lived in la la land all my life. Well it’s a rude awakening and I can’t shake it off.

I thought I was handling it very well for the most part up til a couple of months ago. But it’s like it happened fresh all over again. I feel this weight coming down on me all day everyday. How does a woman get over this?

I cant imagine being with any other person but him. I don’t want anyone else but him. But I hate my life, the life we’ve worked so hard to make for ourselves. We have our dream now and I can’t enjoy it. I’m not enjoying it.

I have chronic pain and migraines but I’ve had that for a long time and was coping with it. I just can’t cope with this new hand I was dealt.

I hate being depressed. I’m normally a happy person. I’ve struggled with depression periodically but never like this. It’s all consuming.

I’m not suicidal but I feel like I just want to die and get it over with. I think I’m too nosy to do that though. I want to see what’s on the other side but I am starting to wonder if there will be another side or if this is it. Am I always going to wonder if he’s cheated on me again? I hate not trusting the man I’ve invested my whole life for.

I hope none of you have had to go through this but if anyone has, do you have any advice? Maybe I just want to be able to snap my fingers and make it all go away.

Thanks for any thoughts you may have. I could really use a friend right now.

23 replies

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In response to: Feeling like a loser

BluetooSenior Contributor19 June 2018, 9:13 am AEST

Re: Feeling like a loser

Awwww Thank you for replying @frog. It means a lot to me. I know you get it. Of course I only get part of your experience as my h is staying and working on changes. But I’m not sure it’s always a better situation. Or easier. Easier financially for sure and that’s a big deal. But easier for the mind and heart to heal, I’m not sure. It’s a mess no matter how you look at it. It really is almost like a death.

I’m happy things are working out for you and that you’ve found your own way again. I know it couldn’t have been easy for quite awhile. Hugs!

In response to: Feeling like a loser

BluetooSenior Contributor19 June 2018, 9:21 am AEST

Re: Feeling like a loser

@Mazarita

I love that phrase ‘Tolerated more uncertainty’! I need to work on that. I’ve never really thought about it but you are 100% right. I’m afraid of uncertainty. So interesting when I learn something else about myself. Thank you so much. I think that and everything you’ve expressed will help.

In response to: Feeling like a loser

BluetooSenior Contributor19 June 2018, 9:24 am AEST

Re: Feeling like a loser

@Mazarita wrote:
Maybe there's a way to find peace within yourself regardless of what's happening on the outside, @Bluetoo. Just throwing more thoughts around. Like, do you get into nature much? What are your interests? I get a lot of meaning in my life from creativity. I know I'm hopeless with breakups, have actually gone a bit crazy-manic in the way I've lived during those times, and suffered a lot of mood swings. But I have bipolar too. I remember too that being single gave my life a lot more external interest, since I was no longer focussed on one person. Not to encourage you to be single, but just to suggest that it might not be as bleak as you think. Like maybe it's just like this now, it's likely to change, it seems to me, and that can be for the better. Hearing what you are saying though about how you are living the life you always wanted. Except there's something tough to get through now and decisions to be made, but maybe not all at once anyway.

I forgot you asked if I was into nature. And yes I am. I have horses and we go camping with them. I love the outdoors. Haven’t done a lot of that lately since the move is still taking up a lot of our time in transitioning and building fences and and and

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