Topic Tuesday // Distress Tolerance // Tues 17 July, 7pm AEDT

Welcome to the conversation @Former-Member It can feel quite overwhelming when we notice ourselves feeling so distressed about everyday things. For a lot of us, behind that missing puzzle piece or pen that doesn't work, is a whole lot of emotion that we've been trying to manage or avoid for quite some time.

Schema therapy can be a really useful way of helping us to understand the way we respond to particular experiences @ladygrace And tuning in to that nurturing healthy adult is a great way to practice that skill of self soothing.

Welcome @Appleblossom

@Former-Member "What do you think about the idea of accepting emotions rather than pushing back against them?

Oh yes! I have but i forget sometimes things that have worked for me before, especially now I am on an anti-psychotic medication, I have gaps in remembering things I have learned, practiced etc. I have a book by Tara Brach called Radical Acceptance on my bedhead that I read about 5 years ago - I will revisit that asap. It sounds like a good key to what is happeneing for me. I seem to just slosh around in the distress, poking it with a stick, feeling that I "Shouldn't" be feeling this way... Acceptance! might be the answer I seek.

Have you tried this before? How has it worked?"
Yes, I have used it before back when I was still in the workforce and managing people, they are notoriously difficult to work with, people, they have their own opinions and everything. 🙂 So I had a rule that I would listen to the staff and step back from the knee-jerk reaction, breathe, count to ten etc before responding. I could do that with my own reactivity too. It has worked before it can agan! Thanks for the reminder.

Sooo cute @Sans911 What do they have to say about managing distress 🐈

Yes. I've gone back to self-compassion. I stop being so hard on myself. I ease up on myself. I feel the feeling now and call it what it is. I make sure there is alot of self-care going on to balance the stress (as much as I can). I stop flying around doing things and think of something my body needs to change my focus. I'll say do I need food, am I tired, have I had s drink of water. It's helping alot.

How to accept distress:

• Give yourself permission to feel the emotion e.g. “it’s ok that I’m feeling this, it will be ok”
• Watch or observe e.g. paying attention like a third person to whatever you’re feeling
• Label and describe e.g. instead of saying “I’m anxious”, saying “there is anxiety. It’s shaped like a ball, sitting in my stomach”
• Curious and non-judgemental e.g. instead of judging your emotions as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, avoid judgement, and instead express curiosity about the experience itself
• Use imagery e.g. imaging your emotions like a wave, or your thoughts like suitcases on a conveyor belt passing by – knowing you can choose to unpack them or allow them to pass by
• Focusing on the present e.g. when your mind starts to wander into unhelpful thoughts or judgements, bringing your attention back to the sensations in the here and now

I remember being taught one way a long time ago that I had forgotten until now. Look around and name five things you see then five things you hear then five things that are green and so on. Not realty sure if that's avoiding or helping though.

For some people experiencing extreme distress, they may also need to use us strategies to improve their distress while they learn the skill of acceptance. For those who have already built that skill, you might also find distress improvement strategies useful to assist you in changing your behaviour to improve how you feel. Improvement strategies tend to include things that bring us fully into the present moment through activities like exercise, talking to others, listening to music or reading a book. Other improvement strategies tend to focus on helping us to self soothe by caring for ourselves and connecting with our senses like having a shower, smelling your favourite perfume, patting a dog, or focusing on the positives.

What do you do to improve your distress? Have you tried self-soothing strategies before? What else would you like to try out to improve your distress?

You are funny @Sans911 lol