DID and hospital

Hello @Dearprudence9

A good song and can see that you have an imaginative mind...

I know little about DID other than what I have read on these forums....

I only experience dissociation and depersonalisation so I have been told by my therapist...

From my understanding of your post...you are an alter of Jess...you are speaking up for her because she is not coping...

Please do not be insulted or offended by anything that I write...

I am not responding to advise...just to let you know that I have read your words....I think Jack that you are brave in writing this post on behalf of Jess whom you say is not coping.....you are caring about her...that in itself is good for Jess....

I do hear what you are saying...again I think...that Jack you are not about all of the time...so when the people who have assessed Jess in the past...are talking to you...they are confused and unsure about who is who....Would that be anywhere close to what you are writing about?

Do you know how Jess has coped in the past re self harm? Are you able to communicate with Jess at the moment?

If I am making the situation worse please let me know and I will stop talking to you....I wont stop caring though...

I want to make that part very clear.....I truly do not want to make you or Jess feel in any more pain....I do however want you to be truthful and let me know if you would like me to stop talking to you.....

are you able to answer me now as I am on here for the time being...

Hi @Sophia1

it’s Jess. I’ve just come back to our phone and seen your message. Jack was out since last night I think.

It was very kind of you to listen and to be so kind as to respond.

We are not offended at all.

The staff here don’t know about my DID. At least I don’t think so. And most of the time we can cover enough I think. Most of us have good coconsiousness, but I think maybe coz it’s really hard right now and stressful it’s making it all harder?

i had told the staff I wouldn’t hurt myself in here because I know it’s wrong to do it in hospital because you can get in trouble. But Jack did it last night and this morning. It’s not bad. But I have to keep it a secret because I’m scared we’ll get in trouble.

I wish more people understood DID. Because it’s so hard to be not ok and have the people around you not know what’s going on and not be able to talk with them about it.

Hi @Dearprudence9

Jess, Jack, anyone else here and listening .....

I don’t know an awful lot about DID but I do understand the basics, and so do many others here, so you are amongst friends who are happy to interact with your system members as you feel to.

We have other forum members with DID, and they may be able to advise you about how they have gone about receiving support from mental health professionals who do understand and who can offer you appropriate support.

Welcome to the forums .... 😊👋 ..... pleases you have found us.

Perhaps there is something about the facility you are in that you can Google and find out what their policy / guidelines are re DID. Their staff, or specific team members, may be trained to help you and it would make their job easier, and your treatment better, if they can recognise they are dealing with a DID system.

Hi @Sophia1 👋💕

Hello @Dearprudence9

Thank you so much for your respectful and considerate reply....

I cannot begin to imagine how difficult dealing with alters is in your struggling ....

Would you like to continue talking a little bit more....

I know that you said "it's really hard right now and stressful....making it all harder....

Do you want to talk about how you got to hospital? whether it was you or an alter who admitted yourself? There is a clear message for help in going to hospital....An extremely courageous move given the struggles that you are experiencing as well as your constant feeling the need to cover up your alters....

only talk about what you feel safe in expressing...there is absolutely no pressure for you to answer one single question that I pose....please know that I respect your privacy.....

My concern is around any injury becoming infected in a hospital environment if the staff there are unaware...

Can I ask have you felt in the past or experienced getting in trouble ....for thoughts or actions of self harm?

If you are using your phone you might also feel safer talking to a moderator on these forums....they can respond...if you want to do this rather than talk to me...I can help make that happen for you...again only if you want to....

I am here for a little longer for you...

Hello @Dearprudence9

Hello Jess and Jack....I spoke to you yesterday....I am hoping that you found some moments of relief and managed to have some rest...can be so hard even when not in hospital

I hope that you are both safe....whether still in hospital or out....

please feel welcome to keep on writing here in this thread...

your words will be read ....

occasionally community guides pass by and leave a like or an icon or a comment...they are members too...either living with their own or caring for an other/s with lived experience...

moderators have some sort of qualifications in various professions in the counselling area....

All here to help....allow you to feel safe and express....

Take care

Hi @Sophia1

thank you for writing back again. It’s Jess.

We are still in hospital.

Yesterday and last night was really hard. And today isn’t much better.

I feel so completely hopeless.

Apart from Jack self harming a bit, we have been safe. But a lot of thoughts of self harm and suicide (hope that’s ok to say - don’t want to upset anyone).

The group talk this morning was on wellness and recovery and talking about the things you should do at home to keep yourself “well” and it’s not fair because we do all the right things already. We use “coping strategies” we take our medication, we contact our health professionals all the time, so I don’t think it’s fair. We do all those things. But it doesn’t stop bad times from happening.

I just want to go home because cause no one understands here.

They are very kind and nice, which is a big difference to the public hospitals we’ve been in, but they say things like “it won’t be like this forever” or “think of the positives” and those things just don’t help. Especially when this has been my whole life, and there wasn’t a time before things weren’t ok. And the memories and things that are popping up now and the reactions I have - I can’t control.

Im sorry. My brain is so tired and muddled I can’t wxplain well.

Its very nice of you to listen.

Hello @Dearprudence9

So pleased to hear from you Jess...also letting me know that you and Jack are in hospital still...

opening up about thoughts of self harm and suicide ideation usually referred to on here as SH and SI are better expressed than kept inside...

The group talk being about wellness and recovery is not where you are at right now....I get that you feel that you already know all of this and use these strategies when able to....

This tells me that you work very hard at keeping yourself safe....

At this present moment you are needing support...it has all become too much for you to carry by yourselves...I have not met your other alters if there are some...

Do you have a regular therapist who has been supporting you in the past and with whom you have been able to open up about how intense it is in your world? I am just wondering if this person is aware that you are really needing some extra support which you are so much entitled to...

I know when I have been in hospital in the past and a nurse has said "you just have to keep on going" or "look at all of the good that you have in your life" it has the opposite effect of what is intended....I too do not fit in any box or live under any label...

By the way...Your response was very articulate and clear to me....I like the sound of who you are Jess..

let me know if I am overwhelming you...I do tend to write epics...

@Sophia1

Yes we do have a current therapist and usually we see her twice a week. And she knows we’re in hospital. I was able to speak to her on the phone last week for a little bit. She said that we had been getting very close to some big stuff and that’s probably why everything is feeling so much worse. It was reassuring to know she understood, but it didn’t help the fact that the memories/reactions/responses in those moments are so big and overwhelming that I can’t control it and it’s too much.

I think my therapist and my doctor thought hospital would be a safe place for awhile, but the doctor seeing me here says they can’t just keep me here for that.

People are far to complex to fit into an easy box. I really hope mental health services catch up to that way of thinking one day.

Theres about 11-12 of us. Parts. I prefer to say parts than alters. I guess because that’s what my therapist says too. But sometimes more people understand the word alters....I don’t know.

The big stuff we’ve started to come across in therapy is so scary. My therapist says it’s starting to pop up because I’m ready. I’ve been working with her for a few years now, and it wasn’t till last year that we started to touch on certain things that were more towards to core of stuff - if that makes sense?

Looking back at when I first started seeing her - we talked about all sorts of things that I thought was the problem. But it took her amazing patience and caring to keep sitting with me and going with whatever I brought into the session to slowly let me trust her and for other parts to start coming out (which I didn’t even know about) and the bigger picture to start to be seen.

Its hard. And scary. And sad. And everything.

Sorry - I can tend to talk too much.

But it’s so incredibly kind of you to listen and not judge.

hello @Dearprudence9

My heart goes out to you....I am reading about your pain and struggling....

yes hospital is the safest place for us when we are too overwhelmed and cannot cope with life...

it does not mean that it is easy though...the issues do not dissipate because a person has walked in through a hospital door...

I hear exactly what you are saying...

Group therapy does not work for everybody......I only found a couple of sessions about specific subjects helpful throughout my hospitalisations

Your therapist sounds brilliant....I must also say that a therapist can only gain insight after gradually building trust with the person they are helping....you are the one working very hard at the sessions....your strong resilience is helping you...

I have a psychotherapist whom I currently have sessions with three times a week...I know of what you speak of when you say that you are very close to some big stuff....it is good to be reassured by their understanding...nevertheless as you say you still have to experience reminders...triggers...new memories of tender..raw emotions....

Yes it is hard...scary...sad and so much more that words cannot describe..

It is also a part of you that is very fragile...unique to you...not a bad part of you ...even if the memory or emotion might suggest that...handled gently and tenderly over time will not feel as overwhelming...in your time..

You are not talking too much at all...

Allow me to introduce myself to you .....laugh...I am Miss Epic Writer....

some of my posts have been far too long for others to take in the main context...

I will never judge you Jess...Jack....and others...thank you for letting me know about the term alters not fitting...

You are very honest with me and I am honoured that you feel comfortable enough to talk with me...

I am going to have to move from the computer within the next 30 minutes....I will be back on later this evening briefly..

I don't want you to think that I am abandoning you in any way....I need to monitor my time on the computer for my own self care....

I have picked up that you are very astute and will understand this..

One quick question that just came to me...are you able to set up your next appointment with your therapist before you leave hospital?...this can be discussed with the staff if you feel comfortable with them.I find that if I have knowledge of my next appointment that is part of my safety net...

Hello anyone who is reading.

We are still here in hospital.

Its lonely and hard.

I dont feel i can I can trust the staff enough to fully open up about the DID.

They mention sometimes about changes in my behaviour, and if only they understood it’s DID and not exactly changes in behaviour.

If only my friends and family knew too.

Because if C is out - she’s good at interactions and getting things done and if you saw her, you’d think we were fine. But I’m still inside feeling how I feel. Same if Jack is out, he can come across quite angry or I don’t know. Different. But it doesn’t mean I feel that way.

I guess its hard for pwople to understand that. And I know we are all parts of one person, so I’m not excusing myself in any way. Just trying to explain that just because we come across a certain way, it doesn’t mean that I feel better? And even though C can be out and we seem fine, as a whole we can still be feeling really bad and thinking about SI stuff. If that makes sense?

and when it’s really stressful like now, it’s a lot harder for us to work as a team.

Sorry, don’t know if this makes any sense.